To tell my husband to F off ??

[Sleepyheadfairy]

I’m a SAHM to 5 young children. 3 primary aged and 2 at home with me. My husband is the breadwinner - he earns enough to cover our bills and mortgage. However I have a small on the side craft business meaning I make enough to cover a nice day to day life with the children whilst at home, pay for their clothes and activities and most of our holidays.

my husband came home from work and my son wanted to watch paw patrol, he went to the living room and couldn’t find the remote. He found it under the sofa in the end but made a comment, (not for the first time as often the remote isn’t where he leaves it ie behind a cushion) “why don’t you ever just leave it in one place!” I’m always the last up on a night so last to turn off tv so always get blamed. When he found it he said, “why would you leave it there?” As if i did. Passive aggressively to the kids “whats mummy done with the remote”

here is my routine today:
woke up, made pack lunches, walk to school with pram and 5 children. Get home, make all beds, tidy rooms, clean kitchen, clean dining room, clean living room, hoover and mop. prep tea and pop it in slow cooker. Get baby and toddler ready to go out when I get a call from school that one of my children has forgot something for a lesson. I take baby and toddler back up to school and deliver item. Then go to local cafe to feed 2 at home. Go to playgroup. Go to shops. Collect kids. Walk home. Tidy away bags/coats/shoes etc. make food and feed children. Wash and clean it all up. House is spotless as always even with 5 kids and food ready for husband.

why did the remote thing push me over the edge. It’s just like he ignores everything I actually do and focus on one tiny detail. I said oh fuck off and went upstairs. I know I’m being unreasonable obviously. I’m just tired. Tomorrow I might not clean a thing and sit and watch tv all day. And leave the remote in the remote area 😂😂😂

My husband is also a complete tool about the remote, which is always lost because we have a stupid corner sofa that clicks together 1 chair at a time so things get lost in the gaps. I feel your pain

Tell him what you just told us. And then order him a second remote that he is wholly responsible for.

Of course he’s being a pain. But if you tell someone to fuck off, you should expect the answer to be “Yes, OK then.”
Nobody will get to say that to me, and be in a relationship with me after it’s said. And I do not care if “they didn’t mean it.”

Does he ever do what you do and give you a day off, if not I suggest that next time he has annual leave on a school day you leave him to it and disappear for the day! Not sure they can appreciate what it's like being a SAHM until they try it for themselves (although even better if you can go away for a few days)😜

my kids were making a den on the sofa and it dropped under the sofa I presume then. He’s so dramatic about it always and isn’t he first time he’s mentioned it. Never takes more than 5 minutes to find. I am on the go cleaning/cooking/looking after children all day yet the one thing I don’t do always gets highlighted

Chill out it’s not worth splitting a family of 7 up over.

Out of interest OP, how did it end up under the tv? Are you a serial remote looser?

So he was looking for the remote, he said why can't you just leave it in one place, why would you leave it there, what's Mummy done with it" so you said fuck off and went upstairs and now aren't going to clean tomorrow?

Yeah that's a massive over reaction. If you'd have said those things to him would he say fuck off and not go to work tomorrow?

I cross posted with this about how it got lost.

Have you told him you feel this way?

And he is on the go working all day, like yourself.

i then do my craft work in the evening so I do contribute financially too.

She's not whining like a baby that she can't find the remote though is she?

Yes 💕 xox

Well she said fuck of and stormed upstairs so yeah she is 😅

Where did OP say he whines like a baby? Oh you mean where he asked where the remote was because it keeps going missing and takes 5 mins to find each time. Ok.

Unless it’s a sudden personality and behaviour transplant why did you agree to babies 2, 3, 4 and 5, especially to be a SAHM to them?

Men are oddly primal about the remote. Just leave it on a side table.

He is quite hands on when he’s around in fairness. I was probably being dramatic it just annoyed me 😂

Huh? This isn’t about being a SAHM it’s about feeling appreciated

It’s a minor disagreement about a tv remote, why do you think they shouldn’t have had more than one child? Have you actually never had a minor disagreement over something silly when tired?

Any why do MN users like yourself bear such a horrid attitude towards those with larger families? What relevance has that got to do with OP's post? Both she and her DH clearly work hard, and probably lead a wonderful (but tiring) family life.

OP, perhaps you were both tired and worn out to react the ways you did. It's not ideal, but happens. And as a side note, it sounds like you lead a wonderful daily routine for your family and children.

Op, you overreacted.

Its ok though cos you sound like you have your hands full, just apologise for saying f off.

Can you order a spare remote and keep it somewhere out of reach?

Thank you - that’s really kind x

A new remote just for him costs about £10.

This is the best response you are so right. Luckily we get on really well and he is really chilled out. He probably thought it was a joke about him being obsessed with the remote that fell flat.

il order an extra remote for him

thanks for being normal

Him asking where the TV remote is doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate you. Do you tell him you appreciate him? You are both working and keeping family life going one way or another, you are allowed to ask where a misplaced item is. It doesn't mean you're not appreciated.