Wanting to be alone all the time and irritated - perimenopause??

[Orchidsunlight]

Can anyone relate, I am late 40's and recently apart from being irritated a lot i find i just crave to be alone, is this normal? I have a house full of husband and 20 somethings and i feel like screaming , people everywhere, making noise, making all sorts of food in the kitchen, everyone asking me to remind them of things etc, I just want to be alone and sit with a glass of wine and a book, or something on tv i like. My real dream is to live alone in a cottage by the sea, just me my books, my candles, a nice bottle of wine in the fridge, doing what I like, when I like.
Is this normal as i feel quite fed up lately with people around me all the time at home...

omg i have a note in my diary to go to a historic town when one of my adults goes back to uni soon (the one that takes up the most of my time), I am determined to go, didnt get the chance last year

ha ha love that !!!

Totally. In spades.

Even if I get the whole day at home working, it’s usually on endless teams calls and doesn’t qualify as ‘alone’ with my thoughts.

I finish work, and DH galumphs in, and the DC too, and I literally want to send them away. I actively encourage long baths and socials and do the same myself. Sometimes I even put some utter shite on my phone (like a podcast, or a soap on my tablet) so I can wave at it when they are asking for my attention and say ‘let’s talk about this later i’m just watching this…’ (I don’t mean important things, just when they want to ‘natter’, and mostly DH not DC. I can tolerate them much better).

DH used to work away and last few projects have been local and it’s killing me! Mon-Fri alone was bliss. My heaven would be if he would piss off and live next door and just turn up for the odd meal, not make a mess, and not breathe noisily or leave crumbs or foot prints and not sniff.

and as for the intolerance, yes. I feel like the scales have fallen from my eyes over some of the people I work with who I’ve now realised are misogynistic, overbearing, dictatorial arseholes. I have no patience at all!!

DC however I seem to be very tolerant with (despite being teens!)

love to know who thinks its unreasonable !! come forth!

I'm 43 and agree with every word.

In fact I have just had a fight with DH and children, now sulking on my own in a quiet local place.

Started HRT 3 months ago which is helping but goodness me all I want to do is be alone. I'm over stimulated and upset and just can't handle another day of bickering and demands on me from absolutely everyone. It's relentless. Yes I exercise and eat well blah blah but all I really want is solitude.

Hello my people! 41 and dream of solitude. Spoke to DH about me taking a night away on my own this year and he doesn’t get it at all. Thinks it a bit weird. But give me a room (premier inn will do) and a book and a nice place for lunch and I’m off. Love my family to bits but I’m so needed all the time. And I’m a primary school teacher, so double whammy.

So i am 49 and my kids are now both early 20s and uni life and work life, i think it must be really hard if you are like this but with young kids as they are so much more demanding of your time. I am exhausted, mentally drained, the adult kids still need a lot of time it seems and emotional support and i just want to do my own thing

i did do this last year, i had a room in a hotel visiting one of the uni kids one weekend, utter bliss just me

I’ve done it a couple of times, Fandangles. Great idea!
Bring comfy PJs, mags, chocolate, have a nice bath…

Yes, just want to be on my own reading for maybe a whole week. Not lonely but alone ! I am 46 so it must be an age thing.

I’m late 30s but feel the same. I love my life but I fantasise about living alone in a little garden flat or cottage. It’s the evenings for me; I’d love to come home from work to a quiet, tidy house, make toast for dinner and sit in silence with no one wanting anything from me. I know the reality wouldn’t be anything like my fantasy, and I am grateful for the chaos, but omg the crumbs, the snacks, the dirty underwear, the constantly cleaning the toilet 😭😭😭😭

Endlessly daydream of this! Doing my own thing, eating what I want when I want. Sleeping and waking when I want. Not having my head space filled with other peoples crap. Also conflicted because I like to think my family can come to me with any problems or thoughts. And yet wanting to say "I've no idea! I'm just making it up as I go along."

Also my family all come and go at unpredictable times, now they're adults and not at school. I miss the fact I could rely on knowing they were going to be out until ✖️time and I could plan accordingly.

It is why I got noise cancelling head phones. I can listen to something or watch something or just cut out background noise.

My husband is getting louder as he had damaged ears from childhood diseases and is losing his hearing more each year plus we have small children, so I can't really complain as none of them can help it.

Just sometimes nice to turn all the background noise down a bit.

I hear you. 46 feel exactly the same!

Omg yes! Late 40s here too and I have times when I feel similar.

I Do love my own company sometimes and have often took myself off to an historic town or driven somewhere just to get some peace

I don't know about the perimenopause aspect of it, but I think this must be hormonal. I experience the exact same thing about a week before my period, as a symptom of PMS. I'm an introvert by nature, but this is completely different. It's like . . . don't look at me, don't talk to me, just LEAVE ME ALONE!! I find there's a real undercurrent of anger and impatience to it too. I have no patience for anyone and the smallest thing can trigger a huge, outsized stress response. I'm not a saint the rest of the month, but this just really isn't me. It's like I've been possessed when it happens.

I don't have any helpful advice, just to say that when I read your post I thought "OH GOD YES" and knew exactly how you felt. It's hard to imagine being stuck in that mode for more than a week or so. I really feel for you. It's not pleasant, especially when you can't retreat the way you want 🌺

ive even thought of staying in a hotel on the motorway services for a night and making out im stuck in really bad traffic or broken down...

Although I'd love to go away on holiday by myself I also like everyone else to fuck off on holiday together and leave me at home alone 😁

OMG yes! 50 yo and on HRT for 2+ years now.
I WFH alone (mainly) Monday to Friday so at least have the house to myself during the week days.
DP is a quiet person and DD is 15 so getting more independent, it's not even a noisy house! Also we have space.
Crave solitude though, still, Find DP very irritating now, even though he's not changed.

I'm 43 and this is absolutely me. My tolerance levels for others (including husband) is at an all time low. Sometimes I come in from work and go straight upstairs with my dog and stay there for the rest of the night so I can be alone!

I still make a huge effort with my son but I just find other people exhausting and irritating.

Another one who likes solace 🙋‍♀️ am 44 and always been an introvert but lately it's been even more

I've always liked my own company too but since lockdown, I can't waste the opportunity to have the house to myself.

I like to sleep in the spare room a couple of nights a week and my husband thinks it's weird. It really annoys me. In fact whenever he doesn't think the same as me it annoys me 😂 he says married couples should share a bed but he is like an elephant when he moves or turns round in his sleep and the bed shakes. Does my head in. Baby has just started sleeping through the night so I really resent getting woken up by other things now I have a chance to sleep.
I've tried to encourage him to go visit his parents or away with friends the odd time but he says he likes to be here to help me. Bless him but omg just go.

I love the cat because her needs are so simple and she doesn’t talk to me. I am not introverted but increasingly need time on my own.