Soft play drama

[Sameboat23]

I (30F) was at a soft play last week with my son X (2M) and a friend (32F) and her son Y (2M).

Her child was playing with a toy truck for quite a while. Mine showed interest but I made the comment that he would have to wait until Y had finished playing and then I distracted him with the other toys.

About 30 mins later my son was then playing with the truck. Y had finished playing with it a while earlier but then seen it and wanted it again. My friend said “X is playing with it now but you can take turns. X will give it to you in 2 minutes” and then checked the time on her phone. Now I stayed silent but I didn’t agree with her. Her kid wandered off before the 2 minutes was up but in all honesty I had no plans of making my boy share once she decided his time was up.

I could understand that rule at home if there’s older/younger siblings which she does implement at her home but I thought it was a bit much to try and push her home rules on us especially as we were out. I always encourage sharing. If my son has two toys I encourage him to share one with a friend but I just don’t agree with having to make him give away a toy he is currently playing with.

Would love to know others opinions on this and if it’s the norm?

You are being unreasonable - I should have made my son give away the toy

You are not being unreasonable - It would be fine to let my son keep playing with the toy

What relevance is your age and sex, and those of your friend?

You should have challenged her about it there and then OP, otherwise this is likely to come up again, so prepare yourself for when it does.

Totally agree with you. I detest this “someone else wants what you’re currently using, so you must drop it immediately”. Not sure what it teaches children other than be walked all over.

If my DS has something/is on a swing/riding a scooter etc I always say “X would like a turn when you’re finished”. If he has multiple bean bags/hula hoops/cars etc I say “X would like a beanbag/hula hoop/car. Could you choose one to give to him please”

What does your comment add to the discussion?

I would have said ds is playing, df can have it when he's finished.

You really threw me with the ages and sexes of everyone...at first I thought the kids were 2 months!

Yeah I always set time limits on stuff when others are waiting to play/use it. "Right DS, that child is waiting for this so you have 5 mins left"
Otherwise it's just an indefinite period and might not happen

You both have different parenting styles, most parents do. It doesn’t need to be a big issue, maybe you can try both ways and mix it up a bit. I don’t think it really matters. I found the ages and sexes a bit confusing to read, not sure it’s necessary!

Mmm I mean I guess I don't give a definitely time on it but in that situation I keep an eye on it and if I think they've had it too long I would say and if they resist I guess I'd have to make them.

So I guess what your friends is doing is just another way of doing the same thing. So I couldn't bring myself to get worked up about it

I can't work out how old your kids are. 2 months?

I don’t think her approach was unreasonable, sorry

Of course she was unreasonable. She didn't put a 2 minute time limit on it when her child was playing with it earlier, did she?

I made the comment that he would have to wait until Y had finished playing

If she wanted to implement the "you must share and only play with something for a couple of minutes if someone else wants it" rule, this would have been the time to do it, when it was her son playing with the thing.

It wasn't for the other mother to dictate when your child was going to hand it over.

No big deal between friends.

shes just trying to teach her son sharing and concept of time

just what you do on mumsnet isn't it?! imagine getting huffy about that lol

I think turns have to be a reasonable length. In the context of eg an hour's soft play session, I would make my child hand over the toy if they'd been playing with it for more than 5-10 minutes and someone really wanted it or a queue was building up for it.

I can't be doing with all the Reddit shit

No, it's what you do on Reddit - that's why people are pissy about it. I can't personally bring myself to care but that's why it annoys people...!

I do agree with setting a time limit if another child is waiting to play with a toy but she should have done that when her child was playing with it to begin with.

All that Reddit talk does my head in, but maybe your friend just said it as a distraction technique - looks like it worked too.

Depends how long your child had had it for . If 10 mins already then 2 minutes was fine. If only a couple of minutes then it was unfair.
It’s the same as using gym equipment, no one should hog a toy for more than a reaosnable
time .

I read it as bra sizes and read the kids as 2 months too - too old for infiltration of random Reddit shite

She should have implemented that rule when her own child was playing with it, not when you’re was.

Tough one. I do what you do, but it does annoy me when children are allowed to dominate communal toys for a long time when other children are waiting for their turn. If a child was waiting for something my DD (20 months) was playing with, I would say "she's playing with it at the moment, it will be your turn next" but if I felt she had it too long I would then prompt her to hand it over/share. 2 mins is hardly any time though, that is unreasonable.

You said something to your child, she said something to her child. You didn't ask her if what you said was ok, and neither did she. OK it wasn't what you do, but she was probably just doing what they normally do.