Soft play drama

[Sameboat23]

I (30F) was at a soft play last week with my son X (2M) and a friend (32F) and her son Y (2M).

Her child was playing with a toy truck for quite a while. Mine showed interest but I made the comment that he would have to wait until Y had finished playing and then I distracted him with the other toys.

About 30 mins later my son was then playing with the truck. Y had finished playing with it a while earlier but then seen it and wanted it again. My friend said “X is playing with it now but you can take turns. X will give it to you in 2 minutes” and then checked the time on her phone. Now I stayed silent but I didn’t agree with her. Her kid wandered off before the 2 minutes was up but in all honesty I had no plans of making my boy share once she decided his time was up.

I could understand that rule at home if there’s older/younger siblings which she does implement at her home but I thought it was a bit much to try and push her home rules on us especially as we were out. I always encourage sharing. If my son has two toys I encourage him to share one with a friend but I just don’t agree with having to make him give away a toy he is currently playing with.

Would love to know others opinions on this and if it’s the norm?

You are being unreasonable - I should have made my son give away the toy

You are not being unreasonable - It would be fine to let my son keep playing with the toy

I think it was unfair of her to use a timer on your child when she didn’t on hers.

I do sometimes set times on things though, my are much older however now. Before we purchased another computer the rule was homework takes priority. Then when it was playing if someone wanted to use it there would be a half hour wait or timer for the next person.

A time gives a known deadline so you're not suddenly just taking something away, it also lets the person who wants a turn know there is a time when it will be their turn.

It’s good for bedtime too, 10’minutes then it’s time for pjs, book and teeth.

YANBU. I wouldn’t have handed it over and would have said something, casually, along the lines of ‘actually I’d rather they just played until they’re finished. DS waited nicely for x to finish playing earlier so I wouldn’t want to confuse him’!

If those were the rules then she should have said something earlier.

Nobody else has any place in telling your child how to share. But you can't pick these things up retrospectively really without sounding petty.

What relevance is this question???

(2 male)
2 years of age, male child.

Seen this lots on MN

I don't agree with you and the way this is written, with "sorry" at the end.
You're being twisty!!!

Like saying sorry, not sorry.

No need!

a truck fight didn’t break out so alls good

there will be many times of clashes of parenting techniques

some parents don’t believe in forcing kids to apologise
some parents don’t vaccinate
some parents don’t do Santa
some parents smack
some raise vegans
and so on ….
if it really important to you then you need to speak up otherwise let it slide

I am with you OP and it comes up time and time again at toddler groups. Worst is when a parent stands over my child waiting, there's hundreds of toys choose something else!

I think you're getting a pointlessly hard time here, OP. Imo the other parent was probably in the wrong for telling your child what to do, because it isn't her place - if she felt your child wasn't sharing, she should have said something to you. That said, among friends, I think it's usually ok to interact with each other's children more directly, so it seems borderline to me.

😴😴😴

If it's a communal toy at soft play then you have to share within a reasonable time frame. If it's the child's own toy then that's different. I would encourage them to share with a friend who was visiting but if we were at the park for example, I wouldn't.

OP, do you think your friend was putting on a bit of a performance for her child? “X will be done in two minutes (checks phone for dramatic effect)”. Knowing he is two and has no concept of time and will likely get bored of waiting and find something else.

Let it go though my luv. They’ll be bigger challenges ahead that you’ll need this energy for.

For me it would totally depend on the kids personalities. My 2 year old is pretty easy going but others may have a huge meltdown over this, if mum was my friend and I knew she was trying to avoid this I'd probably just go with her rule to make her life easier.
My 4 year old is more spirited so definitely appreciate when friends make the occasional allowances to make my life easier.

If this is classed as "drama" in your life then you are very sheltered!

My SIL does this with her and my DC. Does my head in.

You need to get a life

Sounds like you do too!

When my kids were little and had to wait for others to finish before getting their mitts on a toy and other parents have tried to set their own arbitrary time limits on my children I tend to say - “No. You can have it when DD is done with it. Just as she had to wait until the kids before her were done with it.”

Which does annoy the parents who think making kids give up toys they’re playing with is good for their character or something.

I do encourage sharing but not in that way. I don’t think it’s a good way of sharing and suspect it’s popular because it helps parents limit whining not because it’s particularly good for kids (though I do understand why that’s appealing!). It’s not the way adults share most of the time, so I’m not sure what kids are supposed to be learning from it. The lesson of finding something else to do is a far better one.

With friends I wouldn’t be so blunt, but it never came up. We all seemed to have the same instinct.