Soft play drama

[Sameboat23]

I (30F) was at a soft play last week with my son X (2M) and a friend (32F) and her son Y (2M).

Her child was playing with a toy truck for quite a while. Mine showed interest but I made the comment that he would have to wait until Y had finished playing and then I distracted him with the other toys.

About 30 mins later my son was then playing with the truck. Y had finished playing with it a while earlier but then seen it and wanted it again. My friend said “X is playing with it now but you can take turns. X will give it to you in 2 minutes” and then checked the time on her phone. Now I stayed silent but I didn’t agree with her. Her kid wandered off before the 2 minutes was up but in all honesty I had no plans of making my boy share once she decided his time was up.

I could understand that rule at home if there’s older/younger siblings which she does implement at her home but I thought it was a bit much to try and push her home rules on us especially as we were out. I always encourage sharing. If my son has two toys I encourage him to share one with a friend but I just don’t agree with having to make him give away a toy he is currently playing with.

Would love to know others opinions on this and if it’s the norm?

You are being unreasonable - I should have made my son give away the toy

You are not being unreasonable - It would be fine to let my son keep playing with the toy

Apologies all for the confusion I have not posted before and thought including sex & ages was the done thing.
I also don’t know how to reply individually So I will answer all I have seen in this.

• Yes both are 2yrs old
• no she did not implement the timer when her child was playing with it. I was not bothered at the time as there’s a million toys to play with including more trucks but it did annoy me slightly after when she did it to mine.
• if mine was playing with it for a significant amount of time I would have asked him to hand it over and helped him find another toy but he only had it for a couple of minutes.
• I didn’t say anything as I was waiting to see if she would try and take it when the time went off. I did however encourage her son to look for other toys and then maybe they could swap after

Your age and sex/gender identity are irrelevant here.

As is the kids gender/sex/whatever.

What is relevant is that they are 2 years old so they won't listen whatever you do

What OP said was that her child had to wait. What her friend said was the OP's child had to give up the toy in 2 minutes. So I don't think they're equivalent.

If she wanted to share like this, she should have said it to her own child when he had the toy.

this really not worth the effort of worrying about about and it’s only a drama of you make it one

I disagree with both of you actually.

I would have made my kid give away the toy after a bit and not make the other child wait 30 min! Probably 5-10 min depending on the toy and how long they had been playing with it for before the other child asked for it.

But I also wouldn't have told a child that isn't mine to give away a toy! Particularly after only 2 min.

I’d have been annoyed too. My SIL’s son is totally spoiled and she was harping on at my son to give her child a ballon back. He was 8 months old!! I told her firmly that he was far too young to understand and that if she wanted it back she’d have to take it from him herself… funny that she didn’t take me up on it!

as a result we avoid visiting them as toy sharing is contentious and I don’t like them coming to our house either and avoid it at all costs.

I had added "Just like your kid". She didn't remove her child from the toy after two minutes.

Are you sure it wasn't a distraction technique? She might know her child doesn't have the patience to wait 2 mins and will be off doing something else.

Sorry but I'm failing to see what the 'drama' is. Did you actually implement the time rule or did she just say it and it didn't happen ie non event event. Seems like a lot of drama on your side about nothing.

They both effectively told their child to wait but worded it in different ways. Sounds like that's just the system that the other mum uses.

That's what I thought as well. Some kids will be fine with 'your turn next' but get upset with 'you can't have it' - when in practice there's no difference.

I think you're unreasonable to be thinking about this non-incident more than two minutes after it happened.

This is what I thought - I'd have said this to my child because I know they'd get distracted and forget about it.

If they did come back though I'd just say it hasn't been two minutes yet haha

Hilarious when most Mumsnetters use the awful, twee D acronyms.

neither of them had the toy for 30 mins. Hers had it first for around 10-15mins. Then they were both playing with completely different toys for 30mins before mine picked up the truck and was playing with it for a couple of mins

They both played with the toy for as long as they wanted. Why you're trying to make a drama out of it is beyond me.

Also just to clear something else up. There is no drama whatsoever. It’s not like there’s been a massive fight or anything, I’m just trying to establish what others opinions are so I know if having a 2min timer rule is a general rule nowadays

You called the thread 'Soft play drama'.

Timed playing gives children boundaries, and it promotes fairness, but 2 minutes is not very long.

Then why call it a soft play drama? This is a non event. And if she does the timer thing at home she probably just did it out of habit knowing he wouldn’t wait the 2 minutes.

You’re making a mountain out of a molehill. Guessing this is your first kid?
One day you’ll look back on this a chuckle to yourself that you ever gave a shit 😁 (no shade truly-I promise you will).

Drama?

Really?

I wouldn't really think much of this, but if it comes up again...if either child has been playing with it for ages and the other comes up a few times wanting a go, then setting a timer works well.

Chances are she knew her child would wander off and forget about it, placated by the thought that someone was looking at it for him.

It's through sharing that children learn life skills like resilience. Otherwise they have constant meltdowns because I want I want I want, but they can't always have. Your friend is creating a child who won't have much resilience if he expects to always have the toy and not share it fairly.

You've got a long road ahead if you think this interaction is drama worth posting about.