To think schools should have rules for everyone or don't bother having them

[Whatisgoingonheredear]

School are once again pulling some people up on minor uniform issues.

A kid has a pink stripe on her PE trainers instead of them being black. Meanwhile another child wears spiderman trainers as his main school shoes daily.
Hair bands have to be school colours only and subtle. Meanwhile another child is wearing a unicorn hairband daily.
No stand-out hair styles or unnatural colours. One girl has had purple hair since last year.
No toys for little ones in class unless you need fidget toys, in which case you need special permission from the teacher. This one I do understand but unsurprisingly, there has been a rise in children thinking "if I mess around I can take a toy in". Instead of this rule, just make a bucket of fidget toys available for the teacher to pass out as needed? Then there are no toys from home and everyone's needs are also met.

Expecting this thread to go badly but I think you either enforce rules or you don't bother having them.
For context, state primary, juniors.

My DC struggle with this. In particular, the school talk about different "needs" etc and my kids find it confusing as to what makes Jenny's feelings about aspects of school a "need" that cannot be overruled, vs other children's wishes/dislike of similar things. They are very aware of who is "allowed" to have lots of rules adjusted for them and who isn't. They don't complain but find it confusing and I don't blame them.

I agree we could just make school a wonderful environment that supports everyone when they need it. I think this would be a wonderful starting point for going forward in the work place as well. With the mentality that we are all entitled to mental health days or taking a breather if we need. If that was instilled in us at school. Avoiding a us and them divide. I know lots of work colleagues who would benefit from some reasonable adjustments at work but they worry about being treated differently or making a fuss.

Gosh see i feel the opposite, that we must move away from this incredibly individualistic idea that the world will be shaped around us. We all need to return to accepting that to live in groups/as a society means accepting that things won't always be easy or comfortable for us, and we all need to take our turns at not having things exactly as we like them, to meet the collective need.

I think it's perfectly fine for schools to set standards about uniform etc. but in order to be inclusive they can't be enforced all the time. So i think teachers will have a good idea of who has a genuine reason for not sticking to the rules.

It can be tricky for little ones, but it's our job as parents to teach them that some people deserve a little more consideration than others for one reason or another.

My son is type 1 diabetic and has to take care of his feet. He has issues with ingrown toenails and currently has an infection in one of them. He needed new shoes but he needs to break them in. Right now he is in trainers because it's all he can manage - school aware but they wouldn't discuss it with just anyone. Why would it be anyone else's business?

At my DC’s secondary it was only those who were referred to as the ‘pronoun people’ that got away with (variously):

Elbow length lace gloves
Rainbow laces
Interesting coloured hair
Bull rings between their nostrils

I told my DC to identify as non-binary to see what could be got away with, but it was decided it was rapidly becoming uncool due to the teachers constantly pushing ‘gender identity’.

Otherwise, for everyone else, the school was decided hot on uniform crackdowns.

This strikes me as an equity v equality type situation. Some of the children you are mentioning will have allowances made due to their IEPs or EHCPs. I don’t know about the purple hair but certainly the fidget toys. I also suspect the child wearing the Spider-Man trainers will be doing so for a reason that you are not privy to.

I think you are getting yourself upset unnecessarily . There are many children in my child’s school not following the school uniform rules for a myriad of reasons but my child is absolutely fine going to wearing the correct uniform each day. Try to move away from a sulky mindset over it and see it as allowing everyone to access education.

I get my kids to follow the rules/guidelines Intell them to pick their battles and not to get in trouble for silly things.
And I trust the school/s to do what they think is appropriate for each child.
let the school get on with their job.

I agree that rules like hair colour and stripe on trainers are unimportant and not worth enforcing. My youngest has wide feet and tip toe walks, we are very restricted with what shoes I can buy her.

My eldest DD has certain reasonable adjustments but often doesn't like to avail of them as she desperately wants to fit in, because she already doesn't in so many ways. I hate e.g. jeans for genes day, I've had to speak to school several times that saying oh just wear uniform if you don't want to wear jeans is not ok. She doesn't want to be the only one in a shirt and tie just because she can't tolerate jeans material.

I read the comments under the BBC artice on SEND provision yesterday before this thread and it made me think about how the rigid application of rules such as a colour of the hairband or a colour of a stripe on a trainer is a much cheaper but really poor replacement for quality education. It really does not matter imho.

It’s pathetic to be honest. School isn’t the place for sparkly nails, unicorn hairbands, bracelets, stripey socks or whatever other crap kids are trying to bend rules with. It’s not hard to find a plain pair of black socks, dark hair bands and no extras.
as for the trainers/shoes it’s harder. Not all shoes suit all feet. Perhaps that’s the shoe manufacturers who need to work on producing plain options in their kids range with school in mind.

When my dc were infants, state primary, the uniform was v strict with every four year old having to wear a collar and tie even in summer.

what used to grind my gears was when a male teacher appeared at the door in cargo shorts, t-shirt and flip flops. Afaiac, if four year olds are expected to wear a collar and tie, socks and lace ups, I expect the professionally qualified grown ups to set an example.

I agree

It's ridiculous to have one rule for some, but not others.

It also tend to backfire, and exclude the ones who have special "allowance". It makes them stick out like a sore thumb and not be exactly welcome by the others.

Yes and I understand this, but I’m an adult. Many young kids will not have maturity or understanding to be okay with some kids being able to wear the cool unicorn headband when they cannot, and it’s a pretty pointless rule anyway, so why not do away with it?

I'm surprised schools allowed this at all, as using pronouns can't be legally enforced as they're not related to disability or any other kind of SEN, therefore not a protected characteristic.

Did you speak to the teacher? We aren’t allowed toys either as too many were being brought in and lost etc but they said it was fine for children to bring in stuff like that which helped for the transition from home etc

All fisgets toys are not the same. Children with sensory needs use fidgets toys which meet their specific needs.

The law requires disabled people to be treated differently where this is necessary to avoid substantial disadvantage.

Well, I don't know if it will help, but next time it happens, tell your kid to say 'but Joey is wearing a unicorn hairband, and Sam is wearing Spiderman trainers'. I doubt it will make your child very popular. But other than that I don't really know what to do. Other than send them in correct uniform or send them to a school without one.

but it's not necessary to treat them differently, we are not talking about accessing a lift when everybody else is made to use the stairs.

There's no reason to impose a strict uniform for some, but not others. Treat them all the same.

Full disclosure:I'm a teacher. I just explain to my kids that different people struggle with different things.

If they tell me something like "it's not fair, the naughty kids get special treats" (which they do sometimes) I always reframe it for them as "the kids who struggle the most with the rules sometimes get a few less rules to worry about, so they can focus on the most important ones". In my experience, NT kids understand this from about Year 1.

I also try and reinforce to my kids that they're lucky that they find it fairly easy to behave themselves (at school at least!) and often those other kids are trying just as hard even if it doesn't always look like it. My kids really get this because they're all useless at sports, and often get disheartened that other kids are so much better than them "without even trying".

I don't think schools can win anymore. Rules are there so all children are on the same 'level' of what's acceptable/not acceptable. Nowadays the constant bending of the rules one way or the other to suit individuals with certain needs basically gives the message that some kids are favoured over others. Usually the badly behaved ones. In the eyes of kids it does, anyway, and that just causes more problems.

If you are saying inclusion principles should be adopted (including avoiding unnecessary rigidity on clothing, for example, so that a variety of sensory considerations could be accommodated as standard) then yes, that is an excellent start. Some disabled children might still require additional adjustments.

There is an inconsistency here.

Making adjustments and ensuring that policy and procedures do not cause substantial disadvantages to disabled children is the law. Is the law not a rule you think should be followed?

I did long term supply in a school that didn't have a uniform. All staff addressed by their given name.
The vast majority of pupils wore jeans or soft trousers with hoodies or sweat shirts.
There were no inappropriate clothes or shoes.
Very chilled atmosphere and very few behavioural issues.
30 years at the chalkface and I think we've got more important things to worry about with our students than if their shirt is tucked in or their tie us long enough.