To think schools should have rules for everyone or don't bother having them

[Whatisgoingonheredear]

School are once again pulling some people up on minor uniform issues.

A kid has a pink stripe on her PE trainers instead of them being black. Meanwhile another child wears spiderman trainers as his main school shoes daily.
Hair bands have to be school colours only and subtle. Meanwhile another child is wearing a unicorn hairband daily.
No stand-out hair styles or unnatural colours. One girl has had purple hair since last year.
No toys for little ones in class unless you need fidget toys, in which case you need special permission from the teacher. This one I do understand but unsurprisingly, there has been a rise in children thinking "if I mess around I can take a toy in". Instead of this rule, just make a bucket of fidget toys available for the teacher to pass out as needed? Then there are no toys from home and everyone's needs are also met.

Expecting this thread to go badly but I think you either enforce rules or you don't bother having them.
For context, state primary, juniors.

I'm not sure. Make them do outdoor PE in their normal uniform I think.

@Whatisgoingonheredear the thing with hair colouring sometimes it doesn't wash out/fade as quickly as you think it will.
I know of people (including children) that coloured their hair for an event or whatever fully expecting it to have washed out in time before the school term or whatever starts.
Which is more important - sending someone home from school/work because of their hair colour or just not caring what colour the hair is.
If a child turns up to school with bright pink hair the parents could have actually received a phonecall and telling off but the child is there, in school and deserves an education.
You don't know what the parents have been told.

There are rules for exams. There are also reasonable adjustments for exams. And rules
for these. It is the responsibility of adults to teach children tolerance as well as socialisation.
The rules are the rules. It is only your child that is your responsibility.

This particular child has had coloured hair for a year and it has been redone several times based on the fact it isn't growing out at all, the roots are regularly touched up.

What sort of special educational need requires a unicorn headband?

Exactly! I say this as an autistic person myself.

@Whatisgoingonheredear the parents of the child with coloured hair could have been called in by the Headteacher dozens of times and told over and over not to do it.
But it's not the child's fault (a primary age child won't be colouring their own hair) so what really can the school do?

Primary schools cant enforce uniform, they are relying on goodwill and common sense of the parents. However I don’t see why at primary school they need to be so particular. If parents are rushing round in the morning is it really a priority to find a navy hairband instead of a pink one. If your child wants to wear Spider-Man trainers because another child does thats a learning opportunity about how we ought to follow the rules even if someone else isnt, and how some people have different needs.

Oh I do agree with this . As long as it isn't considered to be an SEN thing. Ditto unicorn headbands etc. I appreciate a child might need wear one if that's the only hairband they have and their parents are struggling financially, that's a temporary situational thing.

I do like the idea of a bucket of fidget toys so any child in need of one can use one. A child may not have a diagnosis of autism but they may be having a bad day or prone to struggling with the odd anxiety or panic attack at times. Maybe they are going through a tough time for a bit. These things won't neccessarily be covered by an ECHP, not if the needs don't warrant a 1:1, (a lot of mental health things don't for example , some severe ones might) but they can affect any child for a while.

I can understand a certain amount of gatekeeping being needed for resources aimed at severe and enduring SEN, but emotional and behavioural health, not so much, as all kids get anxious or emotional at times. Fidget toys, access to a quiet space to calm down etc can be made available for all kids and should be, IMO, as the need arises.

I imagine schools these days pick their battles and turn a blind eye to a lot of incorrect uniform. It's not fair, though, if some kids are being pulled up on it while others are flouting the rules and nothing is being said.

I do get fed up of people on here sanctimoniously reminding you that "you don't know the full story" and that so and so might have a medical reason for wearing Spiderman shoes. Maybe - or maybe they just like wearing them, their parents can't be bothered to lay down the law and the school lets them get away with it too. Some parents at DS's school will do anything for an easy life, it seems to me.

It’s completely reasonable to stand back and ask if a rule can be adjusted for one or a small group, perhaps the rule doesn’t need to exist at all. Sometimes it needs to remain, sometimes it can be adjusted or removed.

the chair example above isn’t a bad one. Our school started bringing in special chairs for some children. They absolutely needed them. Teachers realized that other children might not need them, but could also benefit. The result was the pta buying a variety of special chairs for every classroom. Children who need them always have them. The rest are used on a rotating basis, when a child is having a higher needs day, or however the teacher decides to best allocate them.

for something like trainers, perhaps it is time for the school to realize that what matters is the structure of the shoe and not its appearance.

rules should have logic, otherwise they just waste time.

I understand the need for accommodations in clothing and fidgets etc, but no disability needs purple hair, that is an adult making a decision to change the colour of their child's hair to something that is explicitly against the school policy...that one I do not get.

I agree we could just make school a wonderful environment that supports everyone when they need it. I think this would be a wonderful starting point for going forward in the work place as well. With the mentality that we are all entitled to mental health days or taking a breather if we need. If that was instilled in us at school. Avoiding a us and them divide. I know lots of work colleagues who would benefit from some reasonable adjustments at work but they worry about being treated differently or making a fuss.

Isn't the answer simply that schools shouldn't have rules about things that don't affect education? Socks, hair clips colour of your hair? Madness.

It can be the same in some employment. In the late 70s I was called into the managers office because I wore a trouser suit. This was the days of the mini skirt, if you bent over or reached up, you were showing your underwear. That was apparently "professional" trousers were not. It was madness then, it's madness now.

Does your child want purple hair?

Schools should have the ability to enforce sensible rules when appropriate. EG if dc has purple hair for personal taste, the school has no sensible sanction - so that dc just learns they can break the rules. It would be better for schools to just have rules that are necessary for learning, safety, etc and actually have the ability to enforce them.

EG if I scream at the teacher and leave the room because I'm overwhelmed the "reinforcement" of the rule could just be the teacher re-iterating that when I feel it building up, I can go to my safe space to decompress. So not a punishment for something I can't help doing, but some help to mean I can try and follow the rule in future.

The problem with 90% (made up figure to get the point across) of the rules is that he have to be fluid.
Disability
LAC
FC
etc.

The bigger problem IMO is that schools don't make anything clear as to why the rules are being put forward differently to different children and some teachers do use them to pick on children that they don't like. But also that school SLT and HT will suddenly go mad for a rule that has been aloud to be lax for years and everyone gets caught up in the shit that this causes except for the chosen few.

What do you mean you don't know?

If there were something happening to your child you would know what it was, surely.

I don't believe that they don't let a child wear trainers for PE due to a small colour difference.

If this were happening to your child, you would know about and would presumably speak to the school.

I trust our school to know the children and families who need exceptions to the rules.

I don't love struct uniform rules, but I understand they're there and so we follow them. It doesn't matter what others are doing.

This is why I hate petty uniform rules. Some people cannot adhere to them due to special needs or finances, some people won't adhere to them because they just won't and some people will adhere strictly and then feel aggrieved because others can't or won't.

DDs primary is really flexible, they have uniform guidelines but it's all unbranded, all available in supermarkets and there are options that suit every need.

They ask that everyone wear

• navy , black or grey - trousers, shorts, skirts or dresses
• white or blue - tshirt, polo shirt or shirt
• blue - jumper, sweatshirt or cardigan
• sensible, comfortable shoes

PE kit is - tshirt and shorts or joggers. Any colour

The only things not allowed are:

• football strip
• graphic tees
• open toed or backless shoes

It will all change when she goes to secondary and not looking forward to it.

Either way it's not a needed thing but a wanted thing . Which is fair enough but of course in no way comparable to a pupil with actual SEN needing a fidget toy, so actually a child feeling it's unfair is justified . That said sometimes it's good to tell children that life isn't always fair and to not sweat the small things.

She's asked several times why X can go in to school with purple hair but she can't have pink hair for school (we let her do it in the summer)

My child wears the correct PE uniform which is why I don't know.
We have been guilty of letting her take fidget toys in or the incorrect hair accessories and those have ended up in her bag and a note sent to us.

But why can't you just say to her 'X might have purple hair, but in our family we don't colour our hair for school'?

You can actually set your own boundaries and have a conversation with your DC. Why do you need school to do it?

You can just say 'I don't know why X wears spiderman shoes. These are your school shoes.'

X's spiderman shoes are none of your or your DC's business anyway. It doesn't matter why they wear them.