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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refuse to buy her house and tell her why?

183 replies

StinkyTowels · 16/01/2025 13:59

A few years ago my sister bought a beautiful period property with all original features. Victorian fireplaces, hand crafted bannisters, Victorian carved coving, the head things that pop out of the coving - I adored the house and always said if she sells it, I’ll buy it.

That was of course until she “modernised it”. Stripped out all original features, painted everything white, installed a clinically white and shiny kitchen, lobbed the standalone bath out of the window and replaced it with a spa bath … I kept telling her she was ruining the house but she said I was old fashioned and nobody likes that shit anymore.

The house is historically important, a local famous post lived there, from the outside it looks like a grand Victorian villa. On the inside it look like a London penthouse. It’s awful.

last year she decided to sell it but rather than coming straight to me she tried to sell it for much more than I would have ever paid due to the “improvements” she’d made. LOTS of viewings but no offers - all feedback was exactly the same - put off by interior. Lack of original features etc

So she’s come back to me - I’m now saying I don’t want it either for the same reasons. She’s fuming at me and says I “promised” I would buy it. In its original state I did yes but once she started pulling it apart I very clearly told her I would no longer buy it as she’s wrecked it. She won’t accept this however and is already eying up another house she’d like to ruin/renovate.

AIBU to be glad she can’t sell the bloody thing. It should be illegal to do what she’s done to that belle house

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 16/01/2025 14:48

@StinkyTowels Mum sold a beautiful Edwardian house near Richmond Park - the new buyers invited her back to show her what they had ''done to it''

They had basically ripped out all the beautiful Edwardian features, including a gorgeous fire surround that mum said was pivotal on her and dad buying the house back in 1970..

Another gorgeous house nearby has been ruined inside - it's all downlighters and modern with bi~fold doors

When mum was looking to buy a smaller house, she found all the cottages had been modernised inside- grey, bland and boring.

Unless a house is Grade 2 listed {or grade 1} people can more or less do what they like.

It's a great shame.

housemaus · 16/01/2025 14:49

Don't blame you, I feel the same. I know people can do what they want with their houses but if you want a minimalist modern clean lines vibe, buy a modern house!

ethelredonagoodday · 16/01/2025 14:50

TheSnootiestFox · 16/01/2025 14:02

YANBU. I honestly have no clue why people with a taste for all things modern buy period houses. They need to bugger off to new builds and leave the coving and fireplaces for the rest of us!

Yep this.

BarbaraHoward · 16/01/2025 14:55

YANBU not to buy it, YANBU not to like what she's done with it (I wouldn't either).

But YABVU to imply that what she did with her own house was somehow wrong.

Zebedee999 · 16/01/2025 14:59

ViolinsPlayGentlyOn · 16/01/2025 14:01

YANBU not to buy it if it’s not to your taste.

But assuming there were no restrictions on what she is allowed to do, she was also not being unreasonable to renovate the house to her own taste.

I'm not so sure. I own an old house with all the features. I preserve those features as I see myself as the custodian of the house for future generations to enjoy. Of course there are some changes such as GCH, modern oven etc.

I have looked at other Victorian etc houses with a view to buying only to find themn gutted and downlighters everywhere... they look soleless inside despite the promise they hold from their appearance inside.

BlondeMamaToBe · 16/01/2025 15:01

Someone will come along and love it.

oakleaffy · 16/01/2025 15:02

Miloarmadillo2 · 16/01/2025 14:03

YANBU not to buy it and to point out that what you admired were the original features.

Being smug about it is unpleasant.

People who remove original features from old houses are utter vandals.

Beautiful stained glass doors, with Glory Stars in each corner, and old fireplaces with lovely tiles used to be thrown out onto skips - absolute vandalism.

Rows of servant's bells removed - houses like this should be left for those who appreciate such things.

fiorentina · 16/01/2025 15:06

She’s annoyed as she’s made poor choices. It’s frustrating and you’ve no obligation to buy it. She will have to reduce the price to what someone is prepared to pay. It’s a shame she wrecked the house that way but there’s no law against it in most cases.

MumonabikeE5 · 16/01/2025 15:08

ViolinsPlayGentlyOn · 16/01/2025 14:01

YANBU not to buy it if it’s not to your taste.

But assuming there were no restrictions on what she is allowed to do, she was also not being unreasonable to renovate the house to her own taste.

Shame she doesn’t want to stay living in it.
and that she so swiftly removed features that had been in place for more than 100years, proving both their robustness and appeal.

PollyPut · 16/01/2025 15:08

YANBU to not like what she has done to the house.

But YABU to come across as so gloating that no-one will buy your sister's house

Hotflushesandchilblains · 16/01/2025 15:08

I like modern design. I also like victorian houses. You can blend the two easily enough - original features, modern colours.

BarnacleBeasley · 16/01/2025 15:08

I wouldn't be gloating because of her poor design choices, but I would probably be gloating because she's pissed off that you won't buy it when you allegedly 'promised', but she didn't actually offer it to you when she thought she could get more for it on the open market.

CautiousLurker01 · 16/01/2025 15:10

I feel we need to see the RightMove page…

Shoezembagsforever · 16/01/2025 15:10

How did she get away with doing this without planning permission? I live in a city full of Regency buildings and it's against the law to rip stuff out of period homes!

HighSpecWhistle · 16/01/2025 15:11

Why do you hate your sister?

I can’t believe you said that to her when renovating, that she’s ruined it. How bloody rude!!

It’s fine if you don’t want to buy it, and she’s stupid to be trying to force you to, but honestly I’d never tell anyone I hated their renovations, that’s so rude.

Efillufwa · 16/01/2025 15:14

She can’t force you to buy her house, it’s amusing that she thinks you HAVE to buy it.

The thing is, even if it was restored with features that were of the time it was built, it still wouldn’t be in its original state, that’s all long gone now.

I agree that it’s a bit sad when houses with history get modernised just for the sake of it.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 16/01/2025 15:16

We just watched our vile neighbours rip the soul out or a beautiful Edwardian house... original fireplaces in the skip, original tiles smashed out... cornicing replaced with fake panelling... large rooms chopped in half...
I am a snob but it makes me shudder...

khakilover · 16/01/2025 15:17

This reply has been deleted

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CautiousLurker01 · 16/01/2025 15:18

HighSpecWhistle · 16/01/2025 15:11

Why do you hate your sister?

I can’t believe you said that to her when renovating, that she’s ruined it. How bloody rude!!

It’s fine if you don’t want to buy it, and she’s stupid to be trying to force you to, but honestly I’d never tell anyone I hated their renovations, that’s so rude.

It may seem rude, but it appears everyone who has viewed the property agrees with OP but there’s a not particularly fine line between rudeness and unpalatable truth.

If OP’s sister can’t sell it at the original price plus costs of ‘renovations’, then she has devalued it, so it is also a ‘fact’ that it has been ruined. I think the time for sugar coating it is past if OP’s sister is stuck with a property she can’t sell.

TheWholeMealBaby · 16/01/2025 15:19

HighSpecWhistle · 16/01/2025 15:11

Why do you hate your sister?

I can’t believe you said that to her when renovating, that she’s ruined it. How bloody rude!!

It’s fine if you don’t want to buy it, and she’s stupid to be trying to force you to, but honestly I’d never tell anyone I hated their renovations, that’s so rude.

I don't think she does hate her sister.
Me and my sister have different tastes and both of us have mentioned things in each others houses that we don't particularly like.
I know if I decided to gut my house and give it a full retro 70's makeover my sister would piss herself laughing. If she decided to turn her new ish build home into a shrine for all things victoriana I would probably ask if she was having a mid life crisis.
Just because OP's sister didn't read the room and removed all of the character from her home doesn't mean OP has to pretend she loves it, in fact if the sister had real confidence in her design choices she wouldn't be so wounded by OP not liking it.

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 16/01/2025 15:19

TheSnootiestFox · 16/01/2025 14:02

YANBU. I honestly have no clue why people with a taste for all things modern buy period houses. They need to bugger off to new builds and leave the coving and fireplaces for the rest of us!

Yep, i like both, but it's one or the other, don't combine them.

khakilover · 16/01/2025 15:20

TheWholeMealBaby · 16/01/2025 15:19

I don't think she does hate her sister.
Me and my sister have different tastes and both of us have mentioned things in each others houses that we don't particularly like.
I know if I decided to gut my house and give it a full retro 70's makeover my sister would piss herself laughing. If she decided to turn her new ish build home into a shrine for all things victoriana I would probably ask if she was having a mid life crisis.
Just because OP's sister didn't read the room and removed all of the character from her home doesn't mean OP has to pretend she loves it, in fact if the sister had real confidence in her design choices she wouldn't be so wounded by OP not liking it.

you and your sister have different tastes

would you be glad that she was struggling to sell because of her interior decisions?

ChestnutGrove · 16/01/2025 15:23

What's this? the head things that pop out of the coving. A plaster face?

Jeschara · 16/01/2025 15:23

Six of one and half dozen of the other here. The OP made it clear to her sister she will not buy the house now it has been modernised and lost the original features. The sister is unreasonable to be annoyed by this.
The OP is unreasonable and spiteful to be glorifying in the sisters failure to sell the house, and making caustic remarks about ruining another.

Likewhatever · 16/01/2025 15:24

ChestnutGrove · 16/01/2025 15:23

What's this? the head things that pop out of the coving. A plaster face?

I think the OP means a corbel.