Partner watching female “fitness” video when I was asleep next to him

[Dexterinexeter]

I woke up this morning with severe period pains had to go to the toilet and change my whole pyjamas because I had bled through. Husband was cuddling me and initiating sex but I declined because I was in pain. He turned around and was watching TikTok on his phone. Asked him to get me some painkillers which he begrudgingly did. Then he was on TikTok when I was sleeping on his chest. Woke up to him watching a girl doing forward bends in tight leggings, it was a fitness video but it was admittedly attractive, the first thing I noticed was that she had a very big bum. He saw I was awake and said “wow isn’t it amazing her hips can go all the way forward”. Scrolled to next video which was something about video games so he hadn’t searched it out.

I was immediately annoyed and just said “yeah that’s what you were looking at”. Got up and went to work, all the while he was saying I’m not that type of person, I try and make you happy everyday, I wasn’t looking at it sexually etc.

I just went to work and said I find it disrespectful, that I was lying there and he would watch that, he was obviously in the mood for sex but I wasn’t in the mood.

Aibu to be annoyed? he’s made me feel like I’m overreacting which I might be because I’m in pain.

I think if you feel disrespected by that you're incredibly insecure. What are you going to do, insist the TV channel is changed every time a woman in gym clothes appears? Take maxi dresses to the beach and cover up all the women in bikinis?

You are over reacting imo. I follow lots of fitness pages, many of them I have seen that are quite sexualised.. all this nonsense big bums in leggings.. I tend to unfollow however

Blimey, I'm happy for my husband to watch porn...that way I'm off the hook for sex!

A bit controlling in my opinion.

It doesn’t necessarily mean that people must have insecurities. Some people have different boundaries.
Another example would be when people have emotional affairs. Some say it doesn’t count when it’s not physical, others draw the line right there.

OP was upset, I share her sentiment, like a lot of other women would too. Equally, there are others that don’t. Doesn’t make them insecure anyway. It’s just a difference of opinion on what you find respectful. For me ignorance is bliss, I don’t need to know who my DP looks at online or what porn he’s watching which of course doesn’t mean he is forbidden from doing so.

If you think it's disrespectful, then he shouldn't watch it.

Jeezo get a grip.

He will watch porn too. They all do.

What, in bed next to her?

It's bloody period pain, she's not in her death throes.

So much drama over a bloody tiktok video of another woman 🤣 some of you must be so fun at parties.....

How utterly controlling,

I mean morally. I personally wouldn't give a shit. My "partner", for want of a better term, needs to watch porn during sex to keep hard bc he's still getting over trust issues. I'd have been pissed off if he hadn't asked if it was okay the first time. Different people have different ideas of what's disrespectful, if she thinks it's disrespectful, the decent thing to do would be not to watch it while he's in bed with her.

I’ve never encountered so many lunatics in one space. So what if he watched the video because he found it nice? Maybe he did maybe he didn’t. It’s meaningless. It might have been sexually suggestive but as far as I can tell it wasn’t as if he was masturbating? He wanted sex with you and you didn’t do he may have looked at a video that was a little bit sexy. So what. You seem incredibly I secure and the fact he may have enjoyed the women’s movements says something about you. It doesn’t. You’ve then come to MN and dressed it up to look like something it’s not. I find the whole thing a bit immature. You are absolutely in the wrong. Btw the woman who responded here saying her partner doesn’t look at other women, honey he does and it’s normal.

I suspect they are the entertainment at parties!

🍿

If op finds it disrespectful in her relationship then she shouldn't have to put up with it because others don't mind it in their relationships. To have different boundaries does not make op insecure. Her partner is welcome to leave the relationship if they don't align for him.

Some don't mind their partner at the pub 24 7 aslong as they pay the bills. That works for some it wouldn't work for others. I don't think having comments of well at least he isn't hitting you and he is just at the pub would be helpful advice for someone who didn't want that behavior in their relationship.

If everyone's partner turned round to them and said I don't want to entertain other women or pornography in any capacity I want to put all my sexual energy and my passion into our sex life and our relationship. Would you all turn around and say no thank you, I'd rather you watched pornography and sexualised tik tok videos etc.

Some may very well want that in their relationships, finding that spices things up or is a outlet for either of them and if they are both in agreement then that's fine. It's also fine to say yes I'd rather we just give our energy to eachother that seems more fulfilling to me.

But if you secretly really want one kind of relationship set of boundaries but your partner wants another and you settle for putting up with the status quo because you don't think it's achievable/easier to stay than leave. What a miserable life.

Every couple has the right to build their relationship to what is most fulfilling to them. It's a very interesting comment to say someone is insecure when they express a different boundary.

Men think about sex every 6 seconds, I read. Thinking about it isn’t a crime. Acting on the thoughts could be a bit tactless under the circumstances but many couples do have sex during periods.

“The video was sexual, it was a woman thrusting the floor like she was having sex, and her bum was in the air. It wasn’t a fitness video showing flexibility at all.”
Changed the narrative from the OP
Not getting the responses you wanted, OP? That’s bad to go from a fitness video to a sex video just because you aren’t getting the validation you seek from everyone

If you have 'boundaries' as ridiculous as this then you will struggle to have any kind of relationship unless they enjoy being massively under the thumb.
It's insecure as fuck and far from normal.

The whole point is that the other partner jointly decides and agrees to those boundaries. They don't see or feel it as being under the thumb because its what they themselves want. Seeing it as being under the thumb is your perspective. Which is fine for your relationship.

Boundaries aren't rules it isn't one person telling the other what they can and can't do. It's no different to a couple discussing finances and agreeing how they are organising their money and what they are saving for. That will vary couple to couple.

Telling strangers on the Internet that they can't have different boundaries and expectations in their own relationship because you dont agree. Is interesting when you're accusing others of being insecure and controlling.
The posters partner is at free will to leave the relationship so he can continue to look at whatever videos he likes. And op could find a new relationship with a partner that feels looking and lusting over other women holds no value for him. Actively agreeing to those boundaries because those behaviours aren't ones he even engages with anyway. No different if ops current partner is a spender and she would feel more aligned with a new partner that was a saver like her. That's her right to live her life differently. We wouldnt tell her oh that's ridiculous everyone spends how controlling and insecure of you.

Op is entitled to feel differently to other people.

I know so many relationships that have boundaries that some people would find too much or indeed not enough yet both partners are perfectly happy.

Yes different couples have different boundaries etc but the vast majority of people (if not all) look at other people of the opposite sex. It's normal and doesn't mean that anything unfaithful on untoward is going to happen!
Do you honestly believe that there are men and women on the face of this planet that NEVER clap eyes on someone else?
Absolute batshittery.

To acknowledge other people exist and are attractive yes ofcourse we all live in the world. But we all interact on differing levels and give differing amounts of energy and attention to these other people. Those in relationships get to define together where the boundaries are.

Some actively share together oh wow isn't that person attractive. Whilst others acknowledge someone has walked past them but they aren't interested in what they look like or who they are etc

It's perfectly acceptable to not want your partner in bed with you looking at other women if that crosses your boundaries. Men and women who don't do that and aren't interested in scrolling social media or engaging with pornography do exist.