Partner watching female “fitness” video when I was asleep next to him

[Dexterinexeter]

I woke up this morning with severe period pains had to go to the toilet and change my whole pyjamas because I had bled through. Husband was cuddling me and initiating sex but I declined because I was in pain. He turned around and was watching TikTok on his phone. Asked him to get me some painkillers which he begrudgingly did. Then he was on TikTok when I was sleeping on his chest. Woke up to him watching a girl doing forward bends in tight leggings, it was a fitness video but it was admittedly attractive, the first thing I noticed was that she had a very big bum. He saw I was awake and said “wow isn’t it amazing her hips can go all the way forward”. Scrolled to next video which was something about video games so he hadn’t searched it out.

I was immediately annoyed and just said “yeah that’s what you were looking at”. Got up and went to work, all the while he was saying I’m not that type of person, I try and make you happy everyday, I wasn’t looking at it sexually etc.

I just went to work and said I find it disrespectful, that I was lying there and he would watch that, he was obviously in the mood for sex but I wasn’t in the mood.

Aibu to be annoyed? he’s made me feel like I’m overreacting which I might be because I’m in pain.

Abuse? Because he watched a tiktok? Yeah trying to initiate sex whilst op is bleeding like this is awful, but did he even know? I'd be interested in hearing his take on this.

I can't get over the fact that you woke up in pain, having bled through your PJs and his first thought was sex. That's disgusting behaviour.

And shes more up-set with video i dont get it.

She never said that he was aware that this had happened.

Was he actually aware of that when he initiated it, though?

Wow, you’re being very controlling. I couldn’t care less if my husband watched hot girls working out. But then again, he’s not a cheating loser.

I suspect there are deeper issues than this one video.

It's TikTok. You don't decide what comes up. Yes of course there is an algorithm to a certain degree but I get loads of random videos of stuff I have no interest in.

Why is it hurtful that he started watching TikTok when you said no to sex???

Do you not look at other men OP?

just stick some porn on and look at naked blokes.

So to clarify, your DH woke up wanting to have sex (normal) but you had come on your period and were in pain so didn't want to (fine), you asked him to get you painkillers (which he did), then he went onto TikTok (also fine). Presumably he didn't type in "hot girls exercising" whilst you were lay next to him so I'm really struggling to see what the issue is here...

I don't do Tiktok.
But I assume there is no requirement to watch random videos that pop up if you have no interest in them?
The fact he lay next to OP and watched this woman would surely indicate he had an interest otherwise he would have skipped straight on to the next random item.

YABU. I couldnt get worked up over something like this. Me and DH are both into fitness so our algorithm brings up a lot of fitness influencers and videos. You say it was a woman thrusting the floor so more than likely a yoga or pilates video. Shes just a fitness content creator but you sound jealous that she was attractive.
If I scroll across a shirtless, muscular male influencer I will absolutely sit and watch the video. Yes im probably going to admire his body but im also interested in what hes doing too. It doesnt make me a bad person and it certainly isnt me cheating or being disloyal. Id be fuming too if DH tried to see his arse with me and act like id done something wrong.
What happens if he went to the gym or joined one of these classes. Would you stop him from going because there are attractive women there working out? Do you expect him to walk looking at the floor when out and about so he doesnt accidentally check out an attractive woman? Sorry but this is something you absolutely need to try and get over.

But it wasn't "fitness" dressed up as porn (as you have described) was it? Because anything remotely like a soft porn video would have been reported and taken down by Tiktok.

If you had caught him with his hands down his pants pleasuring himself next to you, whilst watching it, then I could understand you feeling put out. The fact that a video game came up in the next video indicates that it was on his FY page and not that he had deliberately searched similar videos.

My husband has entered the room and been transfixed while I've been doing a Heather Robertson YouTube video. He has commented "look at the arse on her!" My response would be to playfully throw a cushion at him. But I don't blame him as she's got an amazing body. And i don't feel he is disrespecting me.

I think you overreacted and the fact you are on your period could be to blame.

Really?? Omg people on here need to get a grip. So what if he was watching a female fitness video.... its life. So what if he watches porn.....its life. GET OVET IT

You clearly didn’t read what I wrote.
It is life, doesn’t mean it needs to happen in front of the other person.

I am fully aware that my DP watches porn and other content online, for instance, but I would never dream of actually seeing him do it.

Yes you are totally unreasonable. Get a grip.

Well no he could shut it down as he scrolls through, knowing his partner views exercise videos as porn and he’s not allowed to watch it. He should then bleach his eyeballs, obviously after massaging her and hugging her, fetching her painkillers.and basically subjecting himself at the alter of her womanliness.

😂

Goodness what a dirty bastard

I can't see where OP says she regards exercise videos as porn.
I think you are either very naive or being disingenuous if you are not acknowledging why many men view these supposed exercise videos though.
OP has every right to feel disrespected by her partner lying in bed next to her watching videos of other women.
Why do you feel the need to mock the valid emotions of OP?

Huge over reaction

Are you for real, entitlement and integrity abuse.

I think these videos just appear. I wouldn't mind much unless he was deliberately watching many bottoms. I mean it's slightly irritating if he lingered on it but not a big deal.

However initiating sex when you're in pain and saying 'I try to make you happy everyday' is odd behaviour. What does he really mean?

It's each to their own, some people feel insecure and can not watch porn with their partner, some use it as a turn on, some people get more aroused while watching it and then can't wait to have their partner, nothing wrong in it at all, he didn't do anything wrong or disrespectful, some people just have too many insecurities

That he tries to make her happy because he obviously loves her and it was just a video, they didn't say anything about it being connected to him wanting to have sex.

Man goes on internet scrolling random videos, wife appalled.
More on this breaking story later.