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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take DSS on holiday this year?

91 replies

Doitagainand · 16/01/2025 07:16

When DSS was younger we were never able to take him on holiday, his DM would never allow it for a variety of reasons – nothing longer than a weekend away. Once DSS became a teen, he had more say on whether he wanted to go or not so over the past 4 years we’ve travelled as much as we’ve been able to with him, and between DH and I we’ve agreed that we’ll continue to offer to take him until he is out of full-time education. However, this year we are really struggling with when to go away that works with school and 2 FT jobs, he’ll be 17 during summer and less inclined to want to ‘hang around’ with us anyway. The only time we can realistically make it work is during term time which feels a bit rubbish, because that means we can't take him. We’ve been to this destination before and much as he enjoyed it, he didn’t love the heat or the pace of the trip (loads of pool & beach time), which is exactly the type of break we need. If we gave him the choice he would jump at going, but how much enjoyment he’d get out of we are unsure. Last time we did this trip he spend 80% of the time in his room with the aircon on! Is it bad to go away without him?

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 16/01/2025 18:14

MabelMora · 16/01/2025 13:11

Because they're paying for it and because they can't just take a couple of weeks off work when it suits the son?

Show quote history

This generally what parents do.

rookiemere · 16/01/2025 21:23

user1492757084 · 16/01/2025 09:16

Take your holiday at a time that suits him. He is 17 and it is likely one of your last with him.
Find another similar place to visit in Summer.

Plan holidays alone after he has turned 19.

Hah !
Our DS steadfastly refused to holiday with us age 16-17 unless we brought along a pal for him which we did on occasion. Now he has turned 18 and is at uni, he seems to have suddenly realised the benefits of a fully paid holiday and comes along whenever he can. Thankfully Costa Rica - which we are managing to afford due to free BA flights from the Amex card - is during term time. He eats and drinks like a gannet as well,costs an absolute fortune to take him.

NotaRealHousewife · 16/01/2025 21:24

@rookiemere I share your pain!

Ohlawdnotagain · 16/01/2025 21:27

It sounds like you are looking for any excuse possible to not have him come with you. Quite mean.

Toolardy · 16/01/2025 21:39

Sounds like you have made your mind up and are trying to justify it. Don’t pretend you are doing it for him.

Original poster
Doitagainand · 16/01/2025 21:47

Thanks all, loads of fair points and loads of typically mean comments.
Saw a girlfriend tonight and she is going on holiday with her DH and not bringing her 15 & 17 year old this year.
I think if she had posted she would have got a very different response.

We have another trip planned with DSS for next year, so he might need to sit this one out.

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 16/01/2025 21:52

Doitagainand · 16/01/2025 21:47

Thanks all, loads of fair points and loads of typically mean comments.
Saw a girlfriend tonight and she is going on holiday with her DH and not bringing her 15 & 17 year old this year.
I think if she had posted she would have got a very different response.

We have another trip planned with DSS for next year, so he might need to sit this one out.

I think that’s pretty poor from your friend to be honest.

RawBloomers · 16/01/2025 22:06

My DC are currently 15 and I wouldn’t take them out of school for a holiday anymore as these are exam years and too important. So if we couldn’t go during school holidays we wouldn’t be going as a family.

If it’s not about the money, I would offer to pay for him to go away with friends, school or on some sort of activity/adventure holiday for teens. Then I’d feel less guilty about going away in term time without him!

Original poster
Doitagainand · 16/01/2025 22:13

@StormingNorman
How?
They are going to the states next winter on a sports exchange. They are hardly doing it tough 🤯

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 16/01/2025 22:28

Doitagainand · 16/01/2025 22:13

@StormingNorman
How?
They are going to the states next winter on a sports exchange. They are hardly doing it tough 🤯

I think it’s selfish to not give your kids a holiday and have one yourself. To say that the kids are going away in a year’s time is a bullshit excuse.

Ohnonotmeagain · 16/01/2025 23:26

StormingNorman · 16/01/2025 22:28

I think it’s selfish to not give your kids a holiday and have one yourself. To say that the kids are going away in a year’s time is a bullshit excuse.

Show quote history

Is that just holidays?

it it selfish to buy myself a phone and not get the 17 year old one. A car? Tickets to a show?

I’m an adult. If I want to buy myself a holiday I will. I don’t have to include the kids, in fact for many people an especially women- it’s a great mental health break to get away from the responsibility of kids, doing what they want and keeping them happy, your own needs coming last.

like that woman who hit the news a few years back. Books herself a holiday on her own and goes. Good on her.

51 weeks a year I spend taking the kids to school, to their hobbies, cooking for them, cleaning, making decisions as to what I think they’d like or not like. If I want one week where I go away and not be thinking about other people and sorting out other people then I don’t see why it’s “selfish”.

StormingNorman · 16/01/2025 23:37

Ohnonotmeagain · 16/01/2025 23:26

Is that just holidays?

it it selfish to buy myself a phone and not get the 17 year old one. A car? Tickets to a show?

I’m an adult. If I want to buy myself a holiday I will. I don’t have to include the kids, in fact for many people an especially women- it’s a great mental health break to get away from the responsibility of kids, doing what they want and keeping them happy, your own needs coming last.

like that woman who hit the news a few years back. Books herself a holiday on her own and goes. Good on her.

51 weeks a year I spend taking the kids to school, to their hobbies, cooking for them, cleaning, making decisions as to what I think they’d like or not like. If I want one week where I go away and not be thinking about other people and sorting out other people then I don’t see why it’s “selfish”.

Show quote history

You ok?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/01/2025 23:40

Gosh my ex goes on holding constantly without our so it feels so odd people telling you what you can't do in your child free time.
What does he say he wants to do? I wasn't all that interested in holiday with parents at 17 but did do lots with friends (school trips etc) at that age.

Kitkatcatflap · 14/03/2025 12:13

Is it possible for him to bring a friend on your holiday? If so, can you compromise on the location? Perhaps somewhere similar but not as hot.

Sheepsheeps · 08/07/2025 19:02

Doitagainand · 16/01/2025 07:16

When DSS was younger we were never able to take him on holiday, his DM would never allow it for a variety of reasons – nothing longer than a weekend away. Once DSS became a teen, he had more say on whether he wanted to go or not so over the past 4 years we’ve travelled as much as we’ve been able to with him, and between DH and I we’ve agreed that we’ll continue to offer to take him until he is out of full-time education. However, this year we are really struggling with when to go away that works with school and 2 FT jobs, he’ll be 17 during summer and less inclined to want to ‘hang around’ with us anyway. The only time we can realistically make it work is during term time which feels a bit rubbish, because that means we can't take him. We’ve been to this destination before and much as he enjoyed it, he didn’t love the heat or the pace of the trip (loads of pool & beach time), which is exactly the type of break we need. If we gave him the choice he would jump at going, but how much enjoyment he’d get out of we are unsure. Last time we did this trip he spend 80% of the time in his room with the aircon on! Is it bad to go away without him?

I'd invite him and let it be his choice. If he spends 80% of the time in his room, as long as he's happy, who cares?
Maybe he enjoys the getting away from reality for a week and being in a different space. If you all meet up for food once a day to talk about things and catch up, brilliant! His not in your hair hanging about annoying you, so I'd call it a win win situation if it was me.
It's lovely that you have such a good relationship so definitely dont do anything to jeopardise that!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/07/2025 22:59

PortiasBiscuit · 16/01/2025 07:20

Oh don’t be so bloody ridiculous, if you can’t afford to take the whole family, you can’t afford a holiday.

I think parents are allowed child free holidays

It's only bad if you take one child and not the other

You should offer him another treat in the school
Holidays thoigh like theme park or trip to seaside for the weekend of shopping in London

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