To not take DSS on holiday this year?

[Doitagainand]

When DSS was younger we were never able to take him on holiday, his DM would never allow it for a variety of reasons – nothing longer than a weekend away. Once DSS became a teen, he had more say on whether he wanted to go or not so over the past 4 years we’ve travelled as much as we’ve been able to with him, and between DH and I we’ve agreed that we’ll continue to offer to take him until he is out of full-time education. However, this year we are really struggling with when to go away that works with school and 2 FT jobs, he’ll be 17 during summer and less inclined to want to ‘hang around’ with us anyway. The only time we can realistically make it work is during term time which feels a bit rubbish, because that means we can't take him. We’ve been to this destination before and much as he enjoyed it, he didn’t love the heat or the pace of the trip (loads of pool & beach time), which is exactly the type of break we need. If we gave him the choice he would jump at going, but how much enjoyment he’d get out of we are unsure. Last time we did this trip he spend 80% of the time in his room with the aircon on! Is it bad to go away without him?

If it’s not money then I think it’s fine for you and DH to go away without him if he gets a separate holiday with just his dad.

Where's the hysterics?

What sort of holiday would he really like? It's the last one you'll probably have with him so why not do something that he would love?

My daughter is 18yrs and on the verge of wanting to do her own thing but still be included with us (my 13yr old and myself). Our compromise is that we are doing a long weekend in Rome for her 18th and maybe another smaller city break later in the year. It sounds like a long weekend maybe more doable fo you.

He’s 17!

of course you can go away for a break in term time without him.

my parents went away for a week abroad without me every year from when I was a toddler. And no, we didn’t always have a family holiday as well.

my nephew’s mum goes abroad with her husband (who was the OM) every year, leaving the kids with us. They don’t take the kids abroad every year either. When the kids to go abroad with mum and stepdad their dad gets left behind, he doesn’t get to go on every holiday his kids do. It’s often not practical to have a holiday with both parents every year, time, money, school, hobbies etc.

adults can go on holiday without a 17 year old!

dh is going on holiday next week without me and the kids as it’s school time and one of us has to stay. I went with one dc last year and left dh and the other at home. Dh and I are planning a holiday when eldest passes driving test.

insisting everyone goes or no one does is ridiculous. Kids learn that they don’t get everything and they can’t always be included.

i agree if it was their own child no one would care.

Just explain to him he is 17 not 7, at that age I'd imagine he's mature enough to understand the reason why and just plan a weekend with him where you do something instead

Ask him if he wants to go on holiday with you this year now that he is older, he might turn around and say no and then there is nothing to worry about

We stopped taking ours when they were 17 because they didn't want to come, would rather go away with their mates

Yeah this.

We just have DSD so we take her on holiday (usually May or October), her mum takes her on holiday (summer) and then me and DH and DH ex have a holiday without her where she goes to stay with the other parent.

I think that's fair on everyone as means DSD gets two nice holidays (usually abroad) and us and DH ex get a holiday where we don't have to go in term time.

"If you can't afford a holiday for all the family, you can't afford a holiday"

"If you can’t make it work you choose something else - he’s not an optional extra."

"If he’s expecting to come, it would be mean to go without him. "

"Of course you can't go without him! Sounds like you're trying to justify it. Absolutely not."

"Sorry no. It's absolutely fine to take an adult only break but only if you also take the DC away."

My parents went away without me once I was 16. I didn’t think much of it and recognised they liked archeology and architecture and I didn’t! On Mumsnet you’re a monster if you do that!

OP as an alternative can you do a couple of weekends away with your stepson doing things he would like? Doesn’t have to be abroad? And then you two can have a week doing this hot holiday he won’t really get much out of.

Take your holiday at a time that suits him. He is 17 and it is likely one of your last with him.
Find another similar place to visit in Summer.

Plan holidays alone after he has turned 19.

Hardly hysterics

OP explain the situation to him and tell him that you are going on a beach/pool holiday and he didn't seem to enjoy it last time

If he wants to go then fine but if it doesn't suit then that's okay

Sounds like there are quite a few options to me.

1. go away at Easter or in a half term instead when you can get leave.
2. he goes on holiday with Dad and you and DH have a separate holiday (sounds like they're already going away somewhere anyway? This sounds fine to me)
3. if he's 17 is he doing A levels this year? In which case won't he finish earlier than normal summer anyway?

Oh dear god, do you always take everything so literally? You must be a great bloody craic to live with 😏

You can't be serious?

It's fine to go on holiday without kids. It's not as if you're taking younger ones and leaving him out. At 17 mine would rather have gone camping with mates or go to a festival, can you offset your guilt by offering to pay for a summer festival ticket?

This - if I can’t afford to take the kids, we do a camping/uk weekends and save up for the next year. We don’t exclude the kids (step or otherwise).

He is 17, not a small child. Adults are allowed to go away without the children, step or otherwise.

After reading your second post I think it's ok not to take him. I would just explain to him about not being able to take a long holiday during school holidays so you've decided to take a holiday just the two of you for some couple time.
But you'll be taking him away for long weekends instead.
If he'll be 17 by the summer he might prefer to go away with friends instead anyway

Have you already booked the trip?
Why not go somewhere else? Why not combine sightseeing with beach time? When we book our holidays we always chose 1-2 days when we hire a car and tour the island or go on some trip on a bus or take a train to a nearby city/town. My parents used to go to the same beach place year after year after year and I was so bored and hated it as a teenager (but I still didn't want to stay at home alone!).

If you can't get time off to go during the school holidays, then you can't do a big trip away with him this year. It's that simple. You don't have to feel guilty about doing a couples trip with your DH when you can get holiday.

What you can think about is whether you could plan an extra-special trip next year (and ask him where he'd like to go) and whether there are any smaller things he'd like to do in the UK (maybe half-term trips/weekend trips) this year to make up for it. Maybe he and his dad could put a 'bucket list' together with a few ideas.

But (on the assumption that you can't get the leave for a trip with DSS) no, there's no point in you and your DH missing out on a trip together just because DSS can't come. It's not like there's any other children in the mix who are missing school for the trip so unequal treatment.

And that’s your choice.

some parents choose to go away without kids. Some even prioritise couples holidays over family holidays.

As long as the children are left cared for then there isn’t a problem.

it’s not obligatory to involve kids in everything you do. I go shopping without them, I go to the gym without them. They go to school without me, they even go abroad without me. My brothers kids go away without him. So no, I don’t think there’s a problem going away without kids if circumstances allow.

there’s no need to be jumping through hoops to “make it up” to a 17 year old that his dad went on an adult holiday with his wife.

Do something different this year, go away to this place next year when he's off at Uni, working or whatever.

Because they're paying for it and because they can't just take a couple of weeks off work when it suits the son?

Plan holidays alone after he has turned 19.
seriously? so parents cannot holiday without their kids until 19?
utterly ridiculous.