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Original poster

Am I too sensitive or are these comments from my manager not ok?

74 replies

Cherrysandwine · 15/01/2025 16:00

There’s not really much I can do about this other than just ignore him really, but I’m wondering if other people would take offence/be a bit upset with his comments.

He doesn’t seem to like cats, which is fine, not everyone does. I have two cats myself and he knows this. However quite a few times now he has made “jokes” about cats being injured or killed. He loves to tell an upsetting story about a cat that he had years ago (I won’t tell the story) and he thinks it’s really funny. I have heard this story 3 times now and I’ve only been there 8 months.

Any time I mention my cats in casual conversation he says something sarcastic about them. I stopped bringing them up but people ask me at work how they’re doing. Today I had to take one of them to the vets, he asked me what had happened so I told him and he said “I would’ve just left him tbh” I don’t really know how to answer these comments. Why is he telling me that if his cat got injured he would leave him? I obviously love my cats and I don’t know what he gets out of joking about being mean to them all the time as if I’m going to laugh along?

Something else that isn’t related to the cats is a few months ago, I accidentally ate meat (in vegetarian). I picked something up that said “free from” on it thinking it was free from meat but it was only gluten free. I noticed while I was with him and put it in the bin and he thought it was hilarious. Laughing saying “good. Was it delicious?” Why would someone respond with this??? How is it funny? I wasn’t crying about it or anything I was just like “ugh no, that’s meat!” And I just find his reaction strange.

Would anyone else find this odd from a manager?

OP posts:
rumred · 15/01/2025 16:03

He's a common and garden wanker. There's a few of them about.
I'm sorry he's your manager, he sounds awful.

AreYouMeOrWhat · 15/01/2025 16:03

It's not nice, but some people are weird about cats and feel the need to do this (I am a cat-lover and owner and have had it happen). I'd just keep the topic well away from cats in the future, but also say each time that what has been said is nasty.

Newgirls · 15/01/2025 16:03

Yes he sounds like a twat but also stop telling people at work about your private life - keep cat news and dietary chat to yourself. Hard in a small team but it’s the only way.

Original poster
Cherrysandwine · 15/01/2025 16:05

Newgirls · 15/01/2025 16:03

Yes he sounds like a twat but also stop telling people at work about your private life - keep cat news and dietary chat to yourself. Hard in a small team but it’s the only way.

As I said, I stopped mentioning them but people know I have cats so they ask me about them. “Hey, how are you? Not seen you for a while, how are the cats?” This usually comes from other people in the office who also have cats so they always ask me about them. They know my dietary preferences because we have been out for meals and things

OP posts:
B0xes · 15/01/2025 16:06

Sounds like a twat. I'd just ignore. What a miserable man to have a personality like that.

owlexpress · 15/01/2025 16:08

Cherrysandwine · 15/01/2025 16:05

As I said, I stopped mentioning them but people know I have cats so they ask me about them. “Hey, how are you? Not seen you for a while, how are the cats?” This usually comes from other people in the office who also have cats so they always ask me about them. They know my dietary preferences because we have been out for meals and things

Show quote history

'Fine thanks, how are yours? How was the holiday/birthday/other subject change?'.

Stop giving him ammo. It does sound like you perhaps overshare non-work related topics. Equally he sounds massively irritating. But as a manager I don't think he's overstepped the line to the point you could complain or anything.

Newgirls · 15/01/2025 16:10

Well nice people it’s ok to chat cats. For manager maybe be ready to quickly change subject. Oh we’re out of coffee… whatever. And know everyone else thinks he’s a twat too

MrsKwazi · 15/01/2025 16:11

He sounds insufferable.

You need to practice a hard stare and have a few stock phrases ready.
Really Phil.
Yes Phil like that happened.
OK then and roll your eyes.

Wakeywake · 15/01/2025 16:12

He's just a twat who fancies himself funny, the fact he's your manager is irrelevant. Just ignore.

Crunchymum · 15/01/2025 16:12

I worked with a cat hater years ago.

He took great delight in telling a few of us how he lured the neighbours cat into his kitchen, grabbed it by the neck and run it under the tap (it had been passing through his garden to get home for context - not shitting in his kids sandpit). He then said he was going to get a pellet gun for it.

I looked him dead in the eye and told him "you are an evil bastard" and left the room. He never spoke to me again.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 15/01/2025 16:12

Well he's a twat but by why are you disclosing so much about yourself at work?

Stressed199401 · 15/01/2025 16:14

I hate poeple like that! I work with a woman who is a lot older than me, I was 24 she was probably 54 at the time.

she asked me if I had kids and I said yes I've got a little boy, she turned to me and said "that's nice" then I said do yoi have any children? And she said "god no, I wanted to enjoy my life, I wouldn't do a stupid thing like"

it left a bad taste in my mouth, like she'd asked me just so she could diss me for making different life choices to her. Weird

i just don't speak to her now, we rarely cross paths

7ft1garysson · 15/01/2025 16:15

You don’t sound like you overshare at all @Cherrysandwine, ignore PP who have said this. You’re allowed to chat to your colleagues

Manager sounds like he has issues, what a twat

Hemlocked · 15/01/2025 16:15

Not sure if it qualifies as bullying but it might do? If he is regularly making fun of you ?

rumred · 15/01/2025 16:15

I'm not sure why talking about yourself at work is frowned upon here? Nothing wrong with being your authentic self at work. He's the problem not you @Cherrysandwine

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 15/01/2025 16:18

"....... ... Riiight. Anyway, here's the report."
Or:
"Hah! Proper cat lover aren't you, Malcolm."

I don't think OP should worry about oversharing if all they know is that she has cats and is a vegetarian.

Wakeywake · 15/01/2025 16:19

Indeed, one's pets are one of the most inoffensive topics of conversation with work colleagues, nothing wrong with that. Do people really only ever chat about work at work?

Ponoka7 · 15/01/2025 16:22

You need to practice a confused/worried expression and if he tells that story again, ask him does he realise how many times he's told you it. Just state that you were concerned because he's far too young to be repeating himself like this. If you are just answering someone else and he butts in, I'd suggest counselling because (again concerned) there's obviously something going on for him. If he goes too far, I'd raise a grievance, there's appropriate and inappropriate conversations for the workplace. Animal cruelty isn't appropriate.

Bollocksmorelike · 15/01/2025 16:23

“You’ve told us before about how you enjoy being unkind to animals, no need to repeat yourself, I think we’ve all heard about it now”.

coolkatt · 15/01/2025 16:26

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 15/01/2025 16:12

Well he's a twat but by why are you disclosing so much about yourself at work?

Hardly. She's a vegetarian that likes cats. Wow. What an oversharer.

squirrelnutcartel · 15/01/2025 16:26

Hating cats has a strong correlation with hating women according to psychologists. I'd be tempted to tell him this and then start making comments about 'mummy issues' every time he mentions cats. He could also have an antisocial personality disorder as they hate animals and will kill and torture them given half the chance. Either way, he sounds like a toxic individual and I wouldn't be telling him anything personal from now on. If he asks you anything personal, just say "I have absolutely no idea" and grey rock him.

AConcernedCitizen · 15/01/2025 16:44

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 15/01/2025 16:12

Well he's a twat but by why are you disclosing so much about yourself at work?

I can't imagine that 'having a cat' and 'being veggie' are OPs deepest, darkest secrets 😅

Luminousalumnus · 15/01/2025 16:49

rumred · 15/01/2025 16:15

I'm not sure why talking about yourself at work is frowned upon here? Nothing wrong with being your authentic self at work. He's the problem not you @Cherrysandwine

Hahaha. Of course you are not meant to be your authentic self at work! You are meant to be your professional self.

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/01/2025 16:54

He sounds like an attention seeking nob.

Some people are funny about animals. I have a very old friend who is a lovely person but who hates animals and has made offhand comments about me getting my pets put down and allowing them to "accidentally" escape. I privately find it upsetting that people find the idea of animals being hurt amusing but she can't do anything about it so there's no point getting upset.

I would just roll your eyes and ignore him.

Tbry24 · 15/01/2025 16:55

I have cats and I’m vegetarian. Two topics that always seem to bring out the worst in lots of people I meet, especially my dietary choice. I’d try to ignore him as much as possible .

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