Am I too sensitive or are these comments from my manager not ok?

[Cherrysandwine]

There’s not really much I can do about this other than just ignore him really, but I’m wondering if other people would take offence/be a bit upset with his comments.

He doesn’t seem to like cats, which is fine, not everyone does. I have two cats myself and he knows this. However quite a few times now he has made “jokes” about cats being injured or killed. He loves to tell an upsetting story about a cat that he had years ago (I won’t tell the story) and he thinks it’s really funny. I have heard this story 3 times now and I’ve only been there 8 months.

Any time I mention my cats in casual conversation he says something sarcastic about them. I stopped bringing them up but people ask me at work how they’re doing. Today I had to take one of them to the vets, he asked me what had happened so I told him and he said “I would’ve just left him tbh” I don’t really know how to answer these comments. Why is he telling me that if his cat got injured he would leave him? I obviously love my cats and I don’t know what he gets out of joking about being mean to them all the time as if I’m going to laugh along?

Something else that isn’t related to the cats is a few months ago, I accidentally ate meat (in vegetarian). I picked something up that said “free from” on it thinking it was free from meat but it was only gluten free. I noticed while I was with him and put it in the bin and he thought it was hilarious. Laughing saying “good. Was it delicious?” Why would someone respond with this??? How is it funny? I wasn’t crying about it or anything I was just like “ugh no, that’s meat!” And I just find his reaction strange.

Would anyone else find this odd from a manager?

Vastly depends on the line of work surely?

If she's a lawyer or Something then yeah sure, if she works in an ice cream parlour then the vibes would be a lot more relaxed anyway

Errr lovely person and finds the thought of her friend’s pets being hurt amusing…both of these cannot simultaneously be true.

You both sound a bit difficult to be honest. There's nothing worse than a colleague who insists on talking about something that you have no interest in. He doesn't like cats, has no interest in cats, but you keep talking to him about them? This is his way of shutting down the conversation (badly and inappropriately), but I cant see why your persisting

…which the manager is spectacularly failing at.

He sounds like an absolute arsehole.
I think you need to avoid any conversation when he's around. Just speak to him when necessary. I'd have to look for another job if I worked with someone like this, otherwise he'd be launched out of the window!

FFS have you even read the OP's posts?? She doesn't "insist" on talking about her cats, she doesn't "keep talking to him about them".

Are you a bit hard of thinking?

Insists on talking about them is not the same as mentioning in conversation, particularly if someone asks. OP has already said she no longer proactively mentions the cats, so she isn't persisting either.

So glad I work in the animal health industry and our pets are actively encouraged to join Teams calls and dogs are allowed in the office.

@Cherrysandwine go for a long pause, confused look and 'anyway, where were we ...' type approach. Make him feel a bit silly.

Is this even about cats? It sounds like he's diminishing what he's identified as important to you, all dressed up as banter no doubt. To me it's a form of bullying. Does he do this with an audience @Cherrysandwine?

Personally I have found the "bored" response the most effective with these types. Look at him straight-faced and emotionless, as if you're trying to work out if he's stupid or there is something wrong with him and just say, 'right OK' and go and get on with something else or turn to someone else and talk to them - rinse and repeat. He enjoys your discomfort.

With 'edgy' humour like that, I like to respond with a 'sorry what did you say?'
If they're forced to repeat it, it usually shows up how crass it is, and you can pretty much blank the response or a quiet 'yeah, thought that's what you said'.
If they realise that and respond with 'oh it doesn't matter' then again it takes the wind out of their sales.

I appreciate it's a bit passive aggressive but if it's your manager you probably need to react politely!

And as to some of the other posters on the thread, a bit of small talk about pets, kids, or what you're having for lunch is very ordinary work small talk. I wonder how these who refuse to ever speak get along in the workplace, they're built on relationships and those don't happen if the only conversation you have is 'pass me the stapler'.

I just don’t understand people like him and your friend. Even if you don’t like something, if you know the person you are talking to DOES like that thing, then why make such comments? It’s rude and they know the other person won’t agree with them so then what’s the point? He knows I have cats, he knows I love animals and love my cats, so what’s the purpose in the comments? To deliberately try to wind me up?

Quite. Many decades of having (mainly men) tell me what I'm missing out on, how I need a steak etc. It's like they take it as a personal insult that I don't want to eat meat. People are odd

This man just sounds like he hunts out people's weaknesses though to put them on the backfoot and assert his authority. He probably hates it when people join his team and get on with other team members.

The cat stuff is usually with an audience yeah. Apart from today because he called me on teams to ask me what happened. His own awful cat story is always said with an audience. Every time someone new comes along he jumps at the chance to tell his hilarious upsetting story about a cat he used to have.

I'm not keen on cats because I'm wildly allergic to them. But I certainly don't hate them -- nor would I make jokes about cats being killed.

He sounds like one of those twats that think they are hilarious and has picked up on cats as your 'thing' that he's latched on to.

I will ask you though, gently, you're not one of those that bangs on endlessly about your pets are you? I know you said you've stopped now, but were you before?

Does he talk to the other cat owners/vegetarians the same way or is he just targeting you? If it’s the second than it sounds like bullying to me.

We had a visitor to our house once, many many years ago, not my friend, but one of my husbands acquaintances. He made similar comments about my cat all the time he was there, the "eww, I'd launch that out of the effing window" type of comments. I glared at him and took myself and our cat upstairs until he left. I told my husband in no uncertain terms that his acquaintance wasn't welcome in our house again. He never visited after that.
I was quite young and lacked confidence at the time, but thankfully I'm a lot more outspoken now. Within 2 minutes I'd snatch his mug of tea back and march him to the door these days!

No haha I purposefully don’t do that because I find it extremely irritating when people do it to me about their kids. I only ever brought them up if there was a general conversation going on about peoples pets. For example someone might ask me how my cats are with the Christmas tree, or someone a few months ago was getting a puppy so people were talking about funny things their pets did as puppies and kittens. I don’t ever just talk at people

I’m the only veggie but there are other cat people on different teams and he is the same with them, just not as often because they aren’t on his team

Common or garden edgelord. Wants to say outrageous or controversial things so other tossers admire how edgy he is. Best to not give any reaction to starve him of attention. Or just say "Wow Colin, you're so edgy" in a sarcastic tone whenever he spouts some bullshit.

Yea he's just a common or garden arsehole. As others have said, give him a blank stare, longish pause, then "right so".

If you were feeling brave, and maybe not as he's your manager, you could say "oh change the record Dave, you're boring me now".

If however he's only doing this to you and no other staff member, then start keeping a log of what he says and when, date and time, and the name of anyone else who heard him. You may need to raise a grevience as that's bullying.

I'd jokingly not really, I'm dead serious tell him I'd have to report him to police as animal cruelty is the first sign of a serial killer.

My exH ran a cat over once and joked about it for years! He used to talk about how many points were awarded for killing cats and dogs.

@Cherrysandwine I massively sympathise with this. Occasionally I come across someone who thinks that the suffering and destruction of beloved animals makes a hilarious joke. The idea of working with someone like this is grim.
As to what you can do - the less pets are discussed at work, the better. You've already stopped volunteering information about them at work, and you could always simply say 'fine, thanks' if anyone asks rather than giving any detail, even if the person asking genuinely interested.
I should think that it's worth having a serious word with your manager about his horrible stories, and in public if that is when he comes out with his 'jokes'. How you do it depends a bit on your work culture; you don't want to get sacked! But if your workplace is robust enough, you might say 'For God's sake, Alan, that story is sick. You know I have pets; how would you like it if I told revolting stories about something that matters to you? Please just give it a rest, OK?' He might be so astonished that he stops.

He sounds awful if only he wasn’t the boss then you could tell him to stfu. I’m sick of working with people who won’t say anything - a bit of pleasant small talk about pets or lunch makes the day a bit nicer imho. Don’t stop being yourself op over this odd fucker.

He sounds like an absolute cunt.
I'd avoid talking about my pets or eating anywhere near him.
The fact he tells stories about cats being killed or injured is disgusting and could be considered harassment. I'd tell him once and for all to reign it in or you'll have to complain to his manager.

Ugh I know the exact type!! My mechanic is like this. I’m a vegetarian (can’t remember how that came up 😂) & he absolutely berates me for it everytime I see him. My personal favourite was when he said he had a bbq and fed his vegetarian guest loads of meat burgers and sausages and told them it was veggie and they loved it. (Goes into massive detail about the thick juicy bloody burgers.) I just laugh along and think yeah… course you did mate. Fix my car.