Am I too sensitive or are these comments from my manager not ok?

[Cherrysandwine]

There’s not really much I can do about this other than just ignore him really, but I’m wondering if other people would take offence/be a bit upset with his comments.

He doesn’t seem to like cats, which is fine, not everyone does. I have two cats myself and he knows this. However quite a few times now he has made “jokes” about cats being injured or killed. He loves to tell an upsetting story about a cat that he had years ago (I won’t tell the story) and he thinks it’s really funny. I have heard this story 3 times now and I’ve only been there 8 months.

Any time I mention my cats in casual conversation he says something sarcastic about them. I stopped bringing them up but people ask me at work how they’re doing. Today I had to take one of them to the vets, he asked me what had happened so I told him and he said “I would’ve just left him tbh” I don’t really know how to answer these comments. Why is he telling me that if his cat got injured he would leave him? I obviously love my cats and I don’t know what he gets out of joking about being mean to them all the time as if I’m going to laugh along?

Something else that isn’t related to the cats is a few months ago, I accidentally ate meat (in vegetarian). I picked something up that said “free from” on it thinking it was free from meat but it was only gluten free. I noticed while I was with him and put it in the bin and he thought it was hilarious. Laughing saying “good. Was it delicious?” Why would someone respond with this??? How is it funny? I wasn’t crying about it or anything I was just like “ugh no, that’s meat!” And I just find his reaction strange.

Would anyone else find this odd from a manager?

I agree with a PP that you just have to keep your private life private. Don't over share, stop telling people about your cats and if they ask just say 'they are fine' and change the subject.

I love running and run quite a distance each week, nobody on my team has that in common with me and I get a few comments about that... 'you're absolutely mad' 'your crazy' etc etc, also comments about what I eat etc.

I learned the hard way not to over share.

I'd calmly and cooly tell him that you find his rhetoric extremely disturbing and worthy of report. Tell him that it's a well documented fact that people who are cruel to animals usually share the same sadistic tendencies towards children too. Personally I really would say this and have done similar in the workplace before.

Life is too short to spend your days with creeps like him. I'd leave.

I cannot believe people are saying not to share so much at work or that OP sounds difficult. I feel like I'm on a different planet with these replies.

@Cherrysandwine this is workplace bullying. Report him to HR as you do not need to put up with that.

He's a horrible cunt. If it wasn't cats, it would be something else. He just likes baiting people and upsetting them.

A technique I’ve used successfully (not my idea) with one of these sorts of twats is to say ‘I don’t get it’ to the joke with a deliberately passive tone. There’s usually a pause and I get to say it again ‘Bob, I don’t get the joke, you’re going to have to explain it to me’. Obviously they can’t because the ‘joke’ is a wanker power play and I’ve made them look an idiot. Doesn’t make them kinder, they just shut the fuck up which is all I’m after.

I would just respond with 'what an odd thing to say'. Every time.

I think stock phrases

Do you know you keep repeating yourself

I know you hate cats so why do you keep telling me you hate cats.

What’s funny about that? And expect an answer

Thats not very nice.

Why would you say you attacked a cat? Its not something to be proud of.

I wouldn’t stop talking about your cats of people ask. I think you curtailing your conversation to appease a Tw*t isn’t a route to go down

Really? This is just generic stuff though. When you’re working in a team, you do talkie about your home life during chats, and if I was a vegetarian, I wouldn’t feel it’s not a subject to talk about in general conversation. Obviously talking about your sex life or an argument you had with your dh is over sharing, but saying you’ve got cats and are a vegetarian isn't. IMO.

OP, offer to make him tea and spit in it. If you have a cold, even better. Spit some phlegm into his tea.

Honestly I wouldn't give it another thought and just have him pegged as an idiot in my mind.

Bollocks to that.

I honestly believe if they say awful things like that about animals/your pets then they are categorically NOT a 'lovely person' at all.

Yes, exactly this I think.

It can’t be easy being an obvious Twat, I suspect he’s not very happy and counters this by trying to make those around him unhappy too. It’s another form of power / control thing, which is all some men seem to have.

If he was quite young I’d suggest it may be because he fancies you? Sometimes they say things to deliberately shock and get your attention and use it as a means of interacting with you.

anyway he sounds like a nasty immature person and I’d report him in the workplace if he continually brought up the subject of animal cruelty which is abhorrent. I couldn’t work with someone like this.

I worked with a colleague who hated cats. When my beloved old cat died I honestly couldn’t cope and had to have a day off work. This cat had seen me through all sorts of crap, abuse, divorce losing my home he was my constant. I didn’t dare tell anyone at work why I had this day off sick.I confided this to my colleague and she was very kind and understanding about it. Because even though she didn’t like cats she was a decent human being.
Your boss is just a horrible bully OP and he is deliberately picking on what he views as your ‘vulnerabilities’. Manager or not I would tell him to go fuck himself really go for him, do it when you are alone with him. Deny it if challenged gaslight the fucker. Easier said than done I know. As for PP’s saying don’t talk about your pets at work! What’s the problem with a nice chat about something as innocuous as pets? I am glad I am retired if this the world of work now.

In the old days, I'd have ignored. Now I'd report to HR. This is borderline bullying. Don't let it go as 'banter' or 'that's how we are in this office'. He sounds like an intolerable arse.

Over sharing 🤣🤣. Bonkers.
Over sharing would be telling everyone you like sticking cucumbers in your fanny, not talking about your cats ffs.
He sounds deeply unpleasant.
I'd do what others have suggested. Say things like 'sorry, what did you say?'

If you're asked how they are whilst in his company, just say, ill tell you later cos "wanker" doesn't like cats and will interject inappropriately.

He sounds like a right piece of work! I'm not a cat person, don't dislike them as such but prefer dogs, however several of my colleagues have cats and I always ask them how they are doing because they are part of their lives and I'm genuinely interested.
I'd call him out directly in front of others "so you think it's okay to leave an animal in pain? Wow, that's awful. I didn't realise there were people like that around, just as well you don't still have pets"
Make him feel like a complete fool.
Next time he tells the cat story say "Oh not this again, we've heard this story so many times it's boring now....moving on!"
He'll soon get the message!

She’s hardly disclosing too much! We talk about all sorts in our office - you’d be horrified. I’d hate it if someone came out with anti-animal comments and I think my face would give me away. Not sure why some people feel the need to be so nasty about cats. I would be telling him I thought it was awful, but appreciate it’s not easy with your boss.

Is this really a thing? I’d hate to sit with a load of miserable buggers who didn’t speak or talk about their lives. How sad and boring.

I don't understand why people have this attitude towards cats, it's nasty.

My sister worked with someone who used to make comments like this about her guinea pigs, at one point one of them was really unwell and he said some really awful things. She spoke to her manager and he was pulled up on it.

He sounds like a twat, if you don't want to go as far as speaking to your manager about him, I'd either not react at all, or roll your eyes and tell him how boring he is.

Unfortunately at some point, somebody has laughed at his bullshit comments and he thinks is funny. You need to up your game and either be sarcastic back, like saying, hey folks do you think.... Doesn't like cats or something, oh to be in the minority .. haha .. better watch out.... I might bring mine to work one day