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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel burnt out what am I doing wrong

64 replies

HappyHelper123 · 14/01/2025 21:10

Today I woke up at 5am, had an hour to myself to meditate and stretch, showered at 6am, cooked breakfast 630-7am and prepped dinner while I was there, while I was doing that DH was getting DS ready.

Had breakfast, cleared up, dropped DS to school.

Home by 9am, worked 9-2pm apart from a quick walk in the sun, picked DS up, took him to Occupational Therapy, got home, made dinner, ate dinner, played with DS for a bit, read together and collapsed in tears of overwhelm shortly after DH came home to take the baton.

I just feel exhausted. DS has SEN and needs a lot of input after school, he finishes early as they can't meet his needs at school. So I can't just let him potter about all afternoon and have to do his therapies with him.
I feel like I'm moving from one thing to another all day with no time for a breather. And then I do it all again the next day and the day after and just feel like I'm not doing anything well.

I long to just...stop...while he's at school instead of working. Instead of what feels like firefighting.

But isn't everyone in the same boat?! I feel like such a failure

No option to cut hours they've already been flexible enough letting me chop and change around DS school hours.

We have a cleaner

We can't sign up for meal boxes like hello fresh as have very specific dietary needs between us all, besides I'm not sure how much it'd help as the main thing I feel drained by is work

AIBU = suck it up buttercup, that's just middle aged life
AINBU = that sounds hard and you need to change something

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 14/01/2025 21:13

It's not a surprise, really?

You're very busy

How's your diet?

Original poster
HappyHelper123 · 14/01/2025 21:18

coxesorangepippin · 14/01/2025 21:13

It's not a surprise, really?

You're very busy

How's your diet?

I am, but isn't this just life with kids? Everyone else seems to cope? Or am I missing something?
Diet is good, do my best to eat salads, vegetables, lentils etc all freshly cooked...I thought that would help me feel less burnt out but I still feel frazzled

OP posts:
Ubugly · 14/01/2025 21:22

My son used to get up at 5am or before for years and I would never ever ever get up at that time unneeded again, I was absolutely wiped out after working full time and like you say all the stuff on top. I felt horrendous.

could you sleep later and alternate your exercise? The donkey work so to speak won’t really change, or more simple dinners? You are doing a lot!

SausageRoll2020 · 14/01/2025 21:23

Do you need to get up that early? 5am wake-ups won't be helping you. Roughly what time do you get to bed?

Your day sounds busy but not overly so, especially with such a short workday. You mention both prepping dinner in the morning and then making dinner in the evening, surely if you've prepped then evening effort should be minimal here.

EatSleepDreamRepeat · 14/01/2025 21:25

Moving from one thing to the next of a never ending to do list. Constantly clock watching. I know exactly what you are describing.

Are you getting any DLA for your child. Can you use any of it to reduce your hours further? Drop a day? DLA is to meet the additional costs of caring for a disabled child, eg not being able to work FT.

Original poster
HappyHelper123 · 14/01/2025 21:28

EatSleepDreamRepeat · 14/01/2025 21:25

Moving from one thing to the next of a never ending to do list. Constantly clock watching. I know exactly what you are describing.

Are you getting any DLA for your child. Can you use any of it to reduce your hours further? Drop a day? DLA is to meet the additional costs of caring for a disabled child, eg not being able to work FT.

He does but my work won't let me cut down hours more...I do 3 days a week spread over 5 and in my industry that's unusual and any less unheard of

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyHelper123 · 14/01/2025 21:29

SausageRoll2020 · 14/01/2025 21:23

Do you need to get up that early? 5am wake-ups won't be helping you. Roughly what time do you get to bed?

Your day sounds busy but not overly so, especially with such a short workday. You mention both prepping dinner in the morning and then making dinner in the evening, surely if you've prepped then evening effort should be minimal here.

Edited

It's the only time I get to myself where I am not knackered, I sleep at 930 (so should go to bed now!)
I'm fresh in the morning whereas in the evening don't want to do anything

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 14/01/2025 21:30

If you're that tired then extra sleep should be the priority. You could sleep in a fair bit later and still have time for a quick pilates workout. Beyond that I have no suggestions sorry. Life is so bloody knackering isn't it!!!

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 14/01/2025 21:31

HappyHelper123 · 14/01/2025 21:29

It's the only time I get to myself where I am not knackered, I sleep at 930 (so should go to bed now!)
I'm fresh in the morning whereas in the evening don't want to do anything

Edited
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I know the feeling to a certain extent haha I'm likely to be woken several times in the night so should be trying to sleep instead of posting on MN but the peace and quiet to yourself is nice isn't it!!!

JollyHostess101 · 14/01/2025 21:33

Could you book a days leave so you can come home and rest just for one day before climbing back on the treadmill when school finishes?

Pippa12 · 14/01/2025 21:36

Your day sounds like a ‘busy working mum’ day. It’s nice you finish at 2pm and have time to interact with you son rather than 6pm when the focus shifts to tea/bath/bed. It’s tough, I’m with you on that, but imo not different to the majority of parents with young/SEN children.

UmbrellaEllaEllaElla · 14/01/2025 21:37

Your day sounds very busy and on. Can you make time for nothing?

batshitaboutcatshit · 14/01/2025 21:38

It's very tiring having a child with SEN. I can only speak for myself as everyone is different but I could never even relax when he was at school as he hated it so much and I'd often get phone calls to collect him. Then there's all the second guessing of if you're doing the right thing. It's very taxing on the brain which causes exhaustion.

menopausalmare · 14/01/2025 21:38

I would meditate and stretch in the shower and have an extra hour in bed 😁

Ineedanewsofa · 14/01/2025 21:39

It sounds mentally tiring as much as physically, with lots of context switching throughout your day, plus I suspect you are always subconsciously on alert even when DC is at school as you may be needed. Is there any of the mental load you can hand over to someone else?

mdinbc · 14/01/2025 21:51

It sounds like you need a small break in the after school to dinner time\period.
How is your son occupied while you are cooking, or are you multi-tasking during this time? A short time to catch your breath and thoughts.

DH and I always maintained a 20 or 30 minute adult visit while dinner was cooking. Sit for a few moments with a cup of tea or glass of wine. Get caught up on your days. Teach the children not to bother you for a bit, even if it means a tv program or video game.

Parenting can be all encompassing sometimes, but we can't forget about ourselves. It sounds like you are busy, as most mums are, but just need to slow your mind a bit,

EatSleepDreamRepeat · 14/01/2025 21:51

HappyHelper123 · 14/01/2025 21:28

He does but my work won't let me cut down hours more...I do 3 days a week spread over 5 and in my industry that's unusual and any less unheard of

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Can you get some kind of PA for your son? For example there is a retired nursery worker near me that does this kind of thing. They could pick up a couple of times a week and do the after school input while you carry on working and then you can try and condense your hours into 4 and have a day to rest?

LovingLivingLife · 14/01/2025 21:53

Is there anything you can do to get ahead on a Sunday? Perhaps batch cook some meals - if you do 2-3 a week of multiple portions it wouldn't be long before you had a decent stash going.

When I last felt burnt out I took some time to see what expectations I was holding that I could let go of to make things easier. For example I was trying to get a healthy balanced home cooked meal on the table every evening. Some nights it was just too tight around clubs etc. so switching to a picky dinner or pre prepped on those nights gave me headspace.

Also even if it's just 15 minutes walk a day to centre yourself and not have any demand on you could maybe be refreshing.

The app Finch might help you find a bit of a balance between yours and everyone else's needs. I find it fantastic and it's free.

snoopsy · 14/01/2025 21:55

What are your son's additional needs? Many neurodiverse conditions are hereditary. I wonder if you are undiagnosed and burned out?

RobinHeartella · 14/01/2025 21:59

Today I woke up at 5am, had an hour to myself to meditate and stretch, showered at 6am, cooked breakfast 630-7am

Don't do this.

Wake up at 6.30. Do not meditate. Shower for 5min. Make a simple breakfast that takes 10min rather than 30 to prepare.

An extra 90min of sleep each night is going to be far far better for your mental and physical health than being chronically underslept but well meditated and stretched

Itsallgonesideways · 14/01/2025 21:59

I know you meditate for an hour at 5am but I'd prioritise an extra hour of sleep in your situation.

Have you contacted your local Mencap, National autistic society branch or additional needs charity for advice and support. You could qualify for a direct budget to spend on a support worker for your ds.

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 14/01/2025 22:03

Do you have friends or hobbies that you see outside of the home? A chance to just be yourself for an hour or two instead of being mum/wife/cook/cleaner/therapist/taxi driver/PA/housemaid/pot washer/teacher/nurse/accountant/treasurer etc? I joined a book club a couple of years ago. It is maybe 4 hours a month with a group of people where nobody is demanding anything of me and it really recharges me.

Could you join a book club/evening class/running club etc? Or even just take yourself off out once a week for a run/to the cinema/for dinner/drinks etc to decompress.

Or could you take a couple of weeks of unpaid parental leave to recharge your batteries a bit?

Pookypook · 14/01/2025 22:03

snoopsy · 14/01/2025 21:55

What are your son's additional needs? Many neurodiverse conditions are hereditary. I wonder if you are undiagnosed and burned out?

Came on to say the same thing - I feel very similar to you as the mum of DC with SEND. I was recently diagnosed with autism myself, having wondered why I’ve struggled my whole life. It obvs hasn’t changed my caring responsibilities but now I understand my own needs I prioritise rest and self-care as much as I can and it really helps to take the edge off the overwhelm I feel most days.

ManchesterLu · 14/01/2025 22:07

menopausalmare · 14/01/2025 21:38

I would meditate and stretch in the shower and have an extra hour in bed 😁

Absolutely this! I feel like that extra hour in bed would make the world of difference. You're not getting enough sleep!

Lourdes12 · 14/01/2025 22:08

ManchesterLu · 14/01/2025 22:07

Absolutely this! I feel like that extra hour in bed would make the world of difference. You're not getting enough sleep!

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