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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel burnt out what am I doing wrong

64 replies

HappyHelper123 · 14/01/2025 21:10

Today I woke up at 5am, had an hour to myself to meditate and stretch, showered at 6am, cooked breakfast 630-7am and prepped dinner while I was there, while I was doing that DH was getting DS ready.

Had breakfast, cleared up, dropped DS to school.

Home by 9am, worked 9-2pm apart from a quick walk in the sun, picked DS up, took him to Occupational Therapy, got home, made dinner, ate dinner, played with DS for a bit, read together and collapsed in tears of overwhelm shortly after DH came home to take the baton.

I just feel exhausted. DS has SEN and needs a lot of input after school, he finishes early as they can't meet his needs at school. So I can't just let him potter about all afternoon and have to do his therapies with him.
I feel like I'm moving from one thing to another all day with no time for a breather. And then I do it all again the next day and the day after and just feel like I'm not doing anything well.

I long to just...stop...while he's at school instead of working. Instead of what feels like firefighting.

But isn't everyone in the same boat?! I feel like such a failure

No option to cut hours they've already been flexible enough letting me chop and change around DS school hours.

We have a cleaner

We can't sign up for meal boxes like hello fresh as have very specific dietary needs between us all, besides I'm not sure how much it'd help as the main thing I feel drained by is work

AIBU = suck it up buttercup, that's just middle aged life
AINBU = that sounds hard and you need to change something

OP posts:
Seasonsfeastings · 14/01/2025 22:10

try getting up at 6am for a week, see how that feels.

Didimum · 14/01/2025 22:13

You need more sleep, OP.

BestThingAtThisParty · 14/01/2025 22:13

How old are you? Might you be perimenopausal on top of what you've got on? HRT could be worth a try.

Dontbeme · 14/01/2025 22:16

Get your iron and vitamin D levels checked for starters.

Take the extra hour in bed in the mornings and push the stretching routine back to 9pm, Yoga With Adrienne has a bedtime routine on her YouTube channel.

Try the podcast "Nothing Much Happens" after the yoga, it's designed to help with deep sleep.

Is slow cooker porridge for breakfast an option with your allergies? See it to cook on low, you need pinhead oats.

Whydoeseveryonewanttoargue · 14/01/2025 22:25

HappyHelper123 · 14/01/2025 21:18

I am, but isn't this just life with kids? Everyone else seems to cope? Or am I missing something?
Diet is good, do my best to eat salads, vegetables, lentils etc all freshly cooked...I thought that would help me feel less burnt out but I still feel frazzled

Show quote history

Yeah unfortunately it is. I would love to have an hour and a half for myself everyday so I think you are doing pretty well!

Phineyj · 15/01/2025 06:44

Get the GP to check your iron, thyroid, vitamin D etc. I've had exhaustion due to low levels of those in the past plus now also take HRT and magnesium.

Get more sleep.

Consider if you may be ND.

Do something for yourself each week.

I am the mum of an AuDHD 12 year old with a moderately demanding teaching job, so I do know how you feel!

Where are you in the "system" with EHCP etc? You know a school not doing the full day is an illegal exclusion and you don't have to accept it?

Phineyj · 15/01/2025 06:46

Also you should not have to be doing his therapies yourself! DD gets all that at school (to be fair we have also paid for a bunch of stuff ourselves, but we're her parents, not her therapists).

Eenameenadeeka · 15/01/2025 07:30

It does sound like a typical day, but I think lots of people are tired with it too! Id definitely stop waking up at 5 for a bit and see if the extra sleep helps.

LeedsUniPlanning · 15/01/2025 07:36

Get some blood tests done. Anaemia, low vit D, thyroid issues can all cause crippling tiredness.

biscuitsandbooks · 15/01/2025 07:39

Stop getting up at 5am!

And stop cooking a half an hour breakfast everyday. Just do toast or cereal or porridge in the microwave.

Hertsmum78 · 15/01/2025 08:03

100% agree with those who say ditch the 5am wake ups. Sleep til 6.30 and either skip breakfast (I’m not a breakfast person!) but if you are a breakfast person, have something like Greek yoghurt and berries that takes 5 mins to put in a bowl.

i have never meditated or stretched in my whole life and I’m fine! (I do other exercise and you can worry about where you fit that in when you feel less exhausted.) But if your husband is around at the weekend you can hopefully fit in two proper workouts of whatever sort you prefer then?

Haroldwilson · 15/01/2025 08:15

It sounds monotonous. Sleep in a bit, read or listen to a book. Have some thoughts. You need mental stimulation and a life if your own.

Caspianberg · 15/01/2025 08:27

Yes stay in bed longer.

i would stay in bed until 6-6.30am. Do quick breakfast.
maybe stay in bed until 6am twice a week and do a quicker 30 min meditation but not daily.

Im always tired. Up by 6am, mixture of child, work, life until 9pm. Bed

BigDahliaFan · 15/01/2025 08:42

It sounds like one of those ‘a day in the life of’ in a Sunday paper. That always sound exhausting till you twig they aren’t real people in real life and will have staff or people t pick up the small stuff. You don’t. Sleep more.

Original poster
HappyHelper123 · 15/01/2025 11:16

Thanks for all those who suggested lying in. The meditation time is part of my faith so I don't want to drop that but could start later and lie in for 30 mins. The stretching I can do later. I don't eat lunch so the breakfast needs to be nutritious but I could make it quicker.

I will definitely get my bloods checked. I keep picking up bugs which give me mild sore throats and headaches (4-5 times since Oct) - mild enough I can still work, but not feel 100pc, so I think that'll help. Also my 'recovery time' from any physical exertion is really long so I think there is something going on with my bloods.
I think it would help if I lost weight too

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyHelper123 · 15/01/2025 11:18

Phineyj · 15/01/2025 06:44

Get the GP to check your iron, thyroid, vitamin D etc. I've had exhaustion due to low levels of those in the past plus now also take HRT and magnesium.

Get more sleep.

Consider if you may be ND.

Do something for yourself each week.

I am the mum of an AuDHD 12 year old with a moderately demanding teaching job, so I do know how you feel!

Where are you in the "system" with EHCP etc? You know a school not doing the full day is an illegal exclusion and you don't have to accept it?

We requested flexi schooling as he wasnt coping with the full day. Actually its less stressful as I'm no longer anxious about him being at school and what the latest drama is as pp have mentioned upthread, so less mental load in that regard.

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyHelper123 · 15/01/2025 11:19

BestThingAtThisParty · 14/01/2025 22:13

How old are you? Might you be perimenopausal on top of what you've got on? HRT could be worth a try.

potentially ! The good old 4-0

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyHelper123 · 15/01/2025 11:20

UmbrellaEllaEllaElla · 14/01/2025 21:37

Your day sounds very busy and on. Can you make time for nothing?

I can on saturdays but it doesnt seem to be replenishing me enough anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyHelper123 · 15/01/2025 11:22

batshitaboutcatshit · 14/01/2025 21:38

It's very tiring having a child with SEN. I can only speak for myself as everyone is different but I could never even relax when he was at school as he hated it so much and I'd often get phone calls to collect him. Then there's all the second guessing of if you're doing the right thing. It's very taxing on the brain which causes exhaustion.

Yeh this was exactly the issue when he was doing full days...half days hes coping much better and at least I can drop that mental load !

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyHelper123 · 15/01/2025 11:22

menopausalmare · 14/01/2025 21:38

I would meditate and stretch in the shower and have an extra hour in bed 😁

oo I never thought of stretching in the shower !

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyHelper123 · 15/01/2025 11:23

Ineedanewsofa · 14/01/2025 21:39

It sounds mentally tiring as much as physically, with lots of context switching throughout your day, plus I suspect you are always subconsciously on alert even when DC is at school as you may be needed. Is there any of the mental load you can hand over to someone else?

yeh I think it's the constant context switching I find really hard. DH said he'd take the cooking off me to see if that helps

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyHelper123 · 15/01/2025 11:25

mdinbc · 14/01/2025 21:51

It sounds like you need a small break in the after school to dinner time\period.
How is your son occupied while you are cooking, or are you multi-tasking during this time? A short time to catch your breath and thoughts.

DH and I always maintained a 20 or 30 minute adult visit while dinner was cooking. Sit for a few moments with a cup of tea or glass of wine. Get caught up on your days. Teach the children not to bother you for a bit, even if it means a tv program or video game.

Parenting can be all encompassing sometimes, but we can't forget about ourselves. It sounds like you are busy, as most mums are, but just need to slow your mind a bit,

sometimes hes nicely occupied in the bath but it was definitely harder when I had my strop yesterday when he was under my feet...good reminder to carve this time out for a breather !

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyHelper123 · 15/01/2025 11:26

EatSleepDreamRepeat · 14/01/2025 21:51

Can you get some kind of PA for your son? For example there is a retired nursery worker near me that does this kind of thing. They could pick up a couple of times a week and do the after school input while you carry on working and then you can try and condense your hours into 4 and have a day to rest?

Show quote history

great idea, I'll look into this...was never really sure what I am looking for (not a nanny, not a babysitter, but something in between) but I can post on local fb grps and see whats out there

OP posts:
3luckystars · 15/01/2025 11:26

Take some annual
leave or parental leave. You need to prioritise sleep and rest.

Original poster
HappyHelper123 · 15/01/2025 11:28

LovingLivingLife · 14/01/2025 21:53

Is there anything you can do to get ahead on a Sunday? Perhaps batch cook some meals - if you do 2-3 a week of multiple portions it wouldn't be long before you had a decent stash going.

When I last felt burnt out I took some time to see what expectations I was holding that I could let go of to make things easier. For example I was trying to get a healthy balanced home cooked meal on the table every evening. Some nights it was just too tight around clubs etc. so switching to a picky dinner or pre prepped on those nights gave me headspace.

Also even if it's just 15 minutes walk a day to centre yourself and not have any demand on you could maybe be refreshing.

The app Finch might help you find a bit of a balance between yours and everyone else's needs. I find it fantastic and it's free.

oo finch app looks amazing and so cute ! will download. I think I need to recognise that when I am so tired I am spilling over and cant think straight I just need to go to bed. Batch cooking on sunday and freezing is also a good idea - I was trying to cook fresh every day too like you say but it's not necessarily sustainable

OP posts: