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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My partner complained we haven't had a date in ages then went into a strop when we did

100 replies

jiso · 13/01/2025 21:11

We went out for breakfast this morning then I had an appointment he dropped me off at and went shopping whilst he waited on me

He took so long to get out of bed all we had time for was a McDonald's. He fell out with me and went in a mood with me instantly when I said let's get up and go. He threw the clean washing on the kitchen floor and was annoyed because I didn't put his socks away. The washing was there ready to put away and I don't put his away.

Then he refused to talk to me the entire time. Any time he takes these moods he always say "because fuck you". I asked what was actually wrong and he said I don't want to be awake at this time and take you to your appointment. When our plan was to have breakfast together then I'd go to my appointment and shop after.

He's still not spoken to me all day.

He also drove so fast and unsafe

He said literally last night we need a time just us and I said let's do this tomorrow then and he agreed.

He will use the excuse I always have to dry you somewhere etc as an excuse for his behaviour

He dropped me at appointments twice last month and peeped his horn so many times and held it for a long time knowing it was just this one girl in her studio waiting for my appointment to embarrass me. She will know it's whoever picks me up now because it's now twice it's happened.

OP posts:
Flatandhappy · 13/01/2025 21:58

He’s a bit of a dick, isn’t he. Is this really how you want to spend your life?

mathanxiety · 13/01/2025 21:58

@jiso

Ask MNHQ to move your thread to Relationships.

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2025 21:59

jiso · 13/01/2025 21:46

@BananagramBadger he offered to drive me so I said yes

We were going to leave hours before hand to go out and get a sit down breakfast but he just didn't get up.

I don't make him take me anywhere I just thought being spontaneous and we had time today, my appointment was 10 mins we could before hand get food then after go shopping together. I'd have been gone 10 mins from him since he said the night before I want a date together I thought until we have a night set let's do that

He's not worth it

Really, he's not.

And I'd be tempted to pick his washing up and chuck it up the garden.
Or pack it in a suitcase and chuck that in his car

But I wouldn't put up with him treating me like that

yggvugg · 13/01/2025 22:00

Nah he’s abusive. The driving too fast to scare you is classic.

TinyMouseTheatre · 13/01/2025 22:01

Can I ask how long you've been together @jiso?

And how old are you both?

Grasmereginger · 13/01/2025 22:02

No no no. I have niggles with DH today but not on this scale

comedycentral · 13/01/2025 22:13

He sounds immature and sulky. Do you live with him or have children? I'd be unwinding myself out of this relationship, he's not ready for it and you don't deserve the way he treats you.

iamnotalemon · 13/01/2025 22:20

He sounds lovely

Firingsz · 13/01/2025 22:22

He's nasty abusive scum.
Why are you wasting your life with him?

Endofyear · 13/01/2025 22:25

I wouldn't stay with a man who spoke to me like that. There's just no need for it. If he can't sort out a simple disagreement without being abusive, do you really want to stay and put up with that?

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 13/01/2025 22:27

So he is manipulative with his behaviour, puts you in harms way driving dangerously as a way to intimidate you, gives you the silent treatment to emotionally abuse you, and then says the reason for his behaviour is "because fuck you", so he treats you with utter contempt.

On top of that he has thrown clothes on the floor because you didn't put them away for him, which he usually does for himself so he has placed the impossible burden of being able to mind read his wants, and coerce you with his stroppy behaviour if you don't dance to his tune.

Kick this one out. Call women's aid for advice leaving and IDAS if you feel at risk of harm and need a risk assessment for housing or other priority services.

circusmonkey65 · 13/01/2025 22:39

I mean it's not really behaviour that's conducive to a successful date is it? Refusing to get up. Begrudging taking you to an appointment that he'd already agreed to. Throwing washing on the floor. Silent treatment.

Why did you not just go alone? Why would you want to sit and eat anywhere with this man child?

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 13/01/2025 22:48

He sounds quite unpleasant, are you happy with him generally?

StrawHatLuffy · 13/01/2025 23:02

A man would treat me this way once.
He would not get a chance to treat me in any way like it ever again because he'd be fucking gone from life by the end of the day.

DeliciousApples · 13/01/2025 23:07

Be very very careful when leaving this bastard as a woman is at her most vulnerable when she leaves.

These manipulative evil manbabies like to keep their toys. Which you are to him. They don't like to lose their possessions.

LTB. Carefully.
Get your ducks in a row. Talk to womens aid.
Don't put up with his horrible treatment of you. Go. When ready. You deserve better.

And if he's bipolar and off his meds I'd be telling him to get back on them or I'm off.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 13/01/2025 23:22

That sounds like a pretty shit date.

At the same time he sounds like ass.

PickAChew · 13/01/2025 23:25

Does the D stand for dickhead?

BananagramBadger · 14/01/2025 11:25

Did he perhaps say he wanted a date as code for ‘doing something that leads to sex’ and you have interpreted it as ‘spending time together’?

That would explain why a morning coffee with errands involved wasn’t the seduction opportunity and he couldn’t be bothered.

This doesn’t make him sound great either of course.

Onceachunkymonkey · 14/01/2025 11:33

His behaviour was unacceptable. However taking you to an appt, waiting for you and then going shopping is not really what most folks would consider a date.

ItGhoul · 14/01/2025 11:55

He sounds like a twat. However, if I indicated that it would be nice to have 'a date' with my partner I wouldn't be thinking of getting up earlier than usual to have breakfast before driving them to an appointment.

PinkyFlamingo · 14/01/2025 11:57

Well you have a choice to stay or go

jiso · 16/01/2025 10:23

He continued being awful until today so I asked him to leave and he's said yes. Thank goodness I can't take it anymore

He said when we got in from that day he took me to my appointment because we hadn't had sex in 3 days everything annoys him and he begins to hate me so he's moody etc

He has acted like I don't exist for a week ish now. The way he has answered me if I've spoken to him is absolutely vile.

He has done this years ago in the past and it was when he thought he had a shot with someone else so I'm praying that's it and he can move in with them and leave me alone

The past few days have been so clarifying that I cannot take this anymore. I was at breaking point yesterday

It's my house he's not on my tenancy agreement so he has no rights to stay. I was terrified he'd try to. My mum is coming over if he won't leave and we will phone the police.

Maybe he doesn't believe me that he's said yes but I'm praying he goes

I didn't do anything to deserve this and in the past with his nasty silent treatment he says I do something to deserve it. I'm seeing now that was gas lighting. He'd say we're as bad as each other but I have literally done nothing except exist.

My friends boyfriend is trying it on with me and he claims that is all my fault. I've never given him any reason to think he can flirt with me or message me flirty. But apparently that's my fault. Everything is my fault somehow

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 16/01/2025 15:02

Oh good for you op. Fab news. Keep strong. You'll be happier very very soon and wondering why on Earth you didn't do this sooner. Good for you x

Dampfnudeln · 16/01/2025 15:39

Good for you OP, you deserve much better.

Blanca87 · 16/01/2025 15:44
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