To not want to provide free regular childcare?

[YeezysBeans]

I am a sahm, and I feel like every week I am getting heavy hints or even out right requests to provide free regular childcare for people I know who work and have kids. Some of them I know well and some are just acquaintances.

We have a plethora of paid for childcare options in our area but these don't seem to have occurred to any of these people at all and they seem to think I will jump at the chance to juggle their kids into my week and around my own kid's and households needs.

I have been a working mum in the past and it never once occured to me to ask other parents I knew to provide me with free regular childcare!

I'm a bit fed up of dodging the hints and requests. There's soo many reasons I don't feel up to being able to provide what they are heavily hinting or outright asking for and I'm fed up about it.

I have health issues that I don't talk about, I'm studying, one of my children has mental health stuff happening which again I don't discuss - but I don't feel like I should have to explain why I don't want to provide childcare, and I'd love a response I could use that closes down these people's ideas of me being their childcare solution.

I should add if a friend or relationship ve had an emergency situation I would absolutely help out at the drop of a hat if I could in any way that would help, and wouldn't even want a thank you, it's the entitled assumption that I'll provide people with free regular childcare that I'm annoyed about.

You Just have to smile and say “no we can’t do that”

If they ask why “because it doesn’t work for us”.

Dont apologise, don’t explain further. Big bright smile and breezy attitude.

it’s hard at first but gets really easy with practice.

You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

You don't have to disclose anything to anyone about health issues or obligations. You say firmly that you don't do childminding and that's it. Any hinting or begging you just say no and change the subject. If anyone actually has the hide of a rhino and asks for an explanation, just say that you don't want to. You don't. You don't need to feel ashamed of that, I wouldn't either. If they can be rude enough to ask, you can be blunt back.

I’ve had this when I was a SAHM and used to say “gosh sorry, I’ve already got my hands full with my lot and it’d tip me over the edge to add another child into the mix. Hope you get something sorted though”. Seemed to do the trick.

Polite option: No, I'm afraid I can't help.

Not so polite option: No, I have said before I can't help. Please don't ask me again.

Nuclear option: Why do you think it's appropriate for me to subsidise your lifestyle by providing you with free childcare?

I don’t do child care for anyone other than my own children should suffice

If you really want to shut them up say 'haha, fuck no, I can't think of anything worse. It's bad enough looking after my own'.

So they're basically expecting you to sub their childcare requirements?

What foxton said

"No, I'm studying" end of. And even that's too much of an explanation IMO

Of course YANBU. Just say "That wouldn't work for me". Absolutely no reason to give reasons or justification, or apologise! Don't offer re. emergencies as someone suggested - there will be everyday emergencies often, and you will be back in the position of having to say No again before you know it.

"How good are your sprogs at washing dishes/sorting out tomorrow's lunches/arranging hospital appointments/typing up assignments? Are any of them trained to use Windows while whipping up chilli pasta?"

Seriously, OH, you've got enough of your own plates to spin. Even if you didn't, you wouldn't be under any obligation. As it is, just say No. No explanations, justifications etc, just say no, that doesn't work for me. If they stop talking to you, regard it as a result. They'll stop asking for things you can't/don't want to give.

I don’t understand how this happens often, do people really think you’ll be happy to have their kids on a regular basis? I work but Its never crossed my mind to ask my sahm friends to look after my DCs regularly. The only time one has is when I couldn’t get time off to take my DC to an activity and a friend offered and I was very grateful for that, and I would reciprocate if they needed it regardless of their working or sahm status.

I'm a bit fed up of dodging the hints and requests.

What are they saying? Just say no and stop talking to people who keep asking-I would literally avoid them!

How are they phrasing their requests?

A simple "no thanks" might do it. Unless it's a hint rather than a request?

I work from home but in the past have had to pay lots for childcare. It's always a very small minority that expect others to cover for them and never reciprocate. You develop a sixth sense for those pushing friendships with your child to facilaite free childcare. Just say no and remind them of the options available

OMG id love to !! Unfortunately if my probation officer finds out il be recalled back to prison , my bail conditions don't allow me to be alone with children under the age of 16 that I'm not related to .

I had this from a couple of school mums at pick up time, they were not even friends so I had no problem being rude. "I didn't become a SAHM to provide people I barely know with free childcare." They never spoke to me again but seeing as they were only talking to me to ask me to work for them for free, it didn't really bother me. No one else asked, hopefully because they had more manners than those two or because word spread I was a grumpy cow. Feel free to use it.

It staggers me how entitled some people are. We live in a rual area now, my kids have left school but it didn't stop a neighbour asking me to take her friends child into school everyday as she couldn't do it before work, as I didn't have much on during the day. I actually fucking work and even if I didn't, it doesn't mean I want to spend my time and fuel ferrying someone else's kid to school, espcially when they don't even have the manners to introduc themselves to me first!

Aaaaaand breathe.......

Sorry op, I accidentally pressed yabu 🤦🏻‍♀️
of course you're not being unreasonable. Just keep saying no until they get the hint. Make an excuse each time sorry I have an appointment I can't, sorry the DC have an appointment, etc.

Just say "No I can't". If you start to give a reason people will try to overcome that reason. So keep it simple.

"No, I don't want too" is my go to answer because well, I don't want too lol

My career is childcare - and everyone knew this; but wouldn't dare ask because that was my go to answer the few times people lol

I was a SAHM for 6 years and I was asked for help only by my actual friends ie/ one of the mums was running late and could I grab her child from the teacher and I'd wait in the playground - but she was actually my friend lol

The thing is, you'll know when that day arrives who you can ask when you really need a favour. In my experience, it is NEVER these people, who will not be available. It's pretty much always one way traffic.

I was a SAHM for a bit and a woman at school befriended me, invited me to go for coffee etc - turned out she wanted me to childmind her 6 month old twins when she went back to work! Just say no to the cheeky feckers, you don't have to give any reason other than you don't want to!

I think this would leave most requests for free childcare dead in the water

You absolutely shouldn’t and don’t have to because you’re busy enough but I feel I have to correct you on your plethora of options for childcare- everyone around here is full up and booked out/ will only take them from x time/ until x time, doesn’t collect from school/ can’t drop/ collect or drive or wants dates and times set in stone.

To people who don’t need childcare it looks like it’s everywhere but we have to insanely juggle and are lucky to have help sometimes (eg kids not allowed on school grounds until x time, have to be in for work whatever time afterwards which is barely doable and if there’s traffic/ tractors etc about I’ll be late) or finish minutes before school ends, might not make school for pick up. In these not very regular instances people have helped me out and I’ve made sure to help them out by dropping children home/ staying around with them or bringing them over for a play date if parents are working. Op it might be good for you in some cases but obviously you don’t have to and obviously it shouldn’t be a very regular thing

Same sort of thing happened with me. Our DDs walked to school together. Friend started work, never asked me and just started sending her child to my house earlier and earlier. After a few days I rang and her teenage son said “mum’s gone to work” I sent the child home (I did make sure she wouldn’t be in the house on her own) The friend never spoke to me again.
To original poster, you may need to be very blunt as I was.