To think that DH isn't prioritising our sex life?

[Usedphone]

So DH and I have always had a decent sex life apart from a few hiccups a few years ago, and a recent one. However it always suffers when he decides to up his fitness routine. Then he's always tired and achy.

Now, we haven't really overcome the latest hiccup (he's blamed it on different things, even went to the GP but nothing was wrong).

So I told him that I was worried that our sex life was going to suffer massively again. His response: "my diet will be different this time!" And then completely dismissed my worry.

He did apologise later in the morning and now has suggested we buy a toy when he's really never interested.

I just think he really disregards the whole issue.

BTW he does get horny sometimes and I normally oblige because I don't ever know if we're going through another phase of "downtime".

I get sore when starting a new type of exercise surely it only lasts a day or two? If he sticks at his new regime he will be fitter than ever which is a good thing?

But he never does! He just overdoes it and gets injured. And no it never lasts 1 day or two... It lasts as long as he's doing it.

I think it’s a balancing act for sure. Pre-baby I was marathon running and I did find our sex life reduced, still regular but not as frequent, it was a temporary thing though as the training was intense and for a set amount of time. A normal level of training, with a good diet, really shouldn’t impact your sex life once you’re past the initial stage where you do have more soreness/tiredness as you adjust. It sounds like he’s either doing too much or he’s using it as an excuse not to have sex.

So you want him to prioritise your sex life over his health? Ok.

Apologies for getting into the details but if he's sore could a compromise be that you go on top? Also, you'd imagine even if he is sore he can still pleasure you with his hands, that's not going to take much muscle power surely 😂

How frequently is your ideal compared to how often it wanes to?

That's sometimes the compromise, but even yesterday he refused :/ (to your latter suggestion).

When life is good it's 3/4 times a week and that can go on for months.

As it stands it's once a week (if we're lucky) and it's Saturday morning while our 5yo is being entertained by one of his siblings.

Because he's always too tired in the evening or it's not when he "likes it"

Urgh my husband is the same. Id happily have sex everyday, 2/3 times a week even but he’s always tired / achy/ not feeling it yada yada. Plenty of time for the gym & the dog or watching football. Drives me bonkers!

Op, this amount when it’s “good” is a lot (not abnormal or bad), and even once a week might be more than average for a lot of couples, especially ones with 5yo’s, in long term relationships, with busy lives. It looks as if you are more potentially struggling with mismatched sex drives to be honest. Once a week might not personally be enough for you, but I think it’s unreasonable to deem him as not prioritising your sex life when you are still very much having regular sex - it’s just not as much as you’d like?

It sounds more like a mismatch. 3 to 4 times a week is absolute max here because I get sore or at worst, cystitis. And sometimes he and I would rather watch a film until 11 than go to bed earlier to fit it in!