To pull son out of nursery for constant illnesses?

[Elisabeth3468]

My little boy turned 3 end of December. He goes to nursery and was just doing 2 mornings and now does 3 and an afternoon. Since November he's been pretty much unwell constantly. I kept him off nursery for a couple of weeks in December as it was my due date for second baby and he was fine and no illnesses, we still socialised. He was eating so well, so happy and looked so healthy.
I know it's common for them to get unwell but this is constant. It's making our lives a misery, he always gets unwell the later half of the week too and usually end up having to try and find out of hours services to get him seen.
He's currently day 4 of the worst virus and temp of 39/40.
I've just had a baby and she's 6 days old so haven't had time to recover and next to no sleep. It's all just too much.
I'm thinking of pulling him out of nursery until the spring or just a couple of months.
Partner thinks to just keep him in as him being in nursery gives me a break and one to one time with the baby. I'd rather struggle and look after both of them than this constant never ending illnesses.
YAIBU- keep him in nursery
YANBU- keep him off and not let him get sick as often

Just to add we go to groups 3 times a week so he would still be socialising.

Does the nursery have a relaxed approach to infections, could that be contributing?

Ours is pretty strict, if they've had calpol for anything other than teething, if they have a fever at drop off etc then they have to stay home.

He’s already has a lot of upheaval with a new baby. If nursery is his routine then that seems like a lot all at once.
You could pull him out and send him again in spring, but then that’s the start of HFM season and he might not settle in as well as he already is.
My DD is a bit younger but even two weeks off nursery sets her right back to the beginning in terms of settling.

Unfortunately it's a hazard nurseries and schools you will find the same, best getting it over and done with now.

I am going against the grain and would take him out for a few weeks. Your baby is vulnerable even if you are breastfeeding. My baby caught a chest infection from my toddler at a few weeks old and was very unwell for a long time. I wish that I had just kept the older one home during the Winter months.

This.

Most of my family are doctors, nurses and other AHCPs. It's very frustrating for them (and me as a disabled teacher who is frequently exposed to pretty dangerous illnesses through parents not keeping very ill kids off school when they should) to keep hearing the "building up their immunity" myth. A lot of these viruses are not a one and done illness. You are not protecting your kids for their school years by keeping exposing them to illnesses as toddlers, and toddlers and babies can deteriorate far quicker than a 5/6/7+ year old.

OP, I'm going against the grain. Most people don't have the option of keeping their child home over the winter period, but you do. You also have a vulnerable baby to consider. I'd take your older child out of nursery until the better weather or until your Mat leave ends.

I've had the misfortune of needing a lot of urgent medical care in recent weeks as I got Influenza A & Covid at the same time (despite recent jabs!) leading to secondary infections and I've seen the reality of the NHS at the moment. I can't imagine how awful it would have been if it wasn't me that was ill, but my baby or toddler. I was surrounded by worried parents with little ones who seemed to have RSV/Whooping Cough or other childhood illnesses that had turned serious, in the waiting rooms.

Having two little kids is hard enough. Having to deal with that plus constant illnesses, potentially catching it yourself, is a nightmare. As I said, it's unavoidable for many but you have the option of dodging most of it. Take it, it sounds like the right thing for your family.

In the meantime, if you haven't already, look at the links between gut health and immunity and try and build up the kids' healthy gut bacteria between now and next year. It really does make a difference.

I would take him out, especially if he looks happier and healthier at home and it won't be too much for you juggling them both. My friends newborn had to go into hospital with RSV recently which was brought home by her older sister from nursery. They can get so poorly so quickly when they're little.

DD2 was born in winter and DD1 was at nursery and bought home all manner of germs that winter as she was constantly unwell. DD2 got RSV at 10 days old which was rough, but didn’t catch anything else until she started nursery. Even with the RSV, I’m glad I didn’t pull DD1 out as we all benefited from her going a couple of mornings a week - I got to spend quality time with DD2 and catch up on naps, DD1 got to keep her routine, see her friends and got a good few hours a week of activities and fun. I think I’d have really struggled without that respite tbh and I’ve got friends who pulled their oldest out while in mat leave and regretted it when the baby got a bit older (although I’m sure there’s plenty of people who also don’t).

I'm not sure I'd be making any permanent decisions with a 6 day old baby in the mix. Congratulations by the way! I'd tell nursery he won't be in for the next couple of weeks because it's he's getting over illness and you're just staying at home with the baby, and then revisit at the end of Jan.

Personally I’d keep him at home, far worse for him to constantly be picking up viruses and then infecting everyone else and getting viruses out of their system is not how it works as some have stated, he will still catch every bug going because every virus strain is different, he will only sometimes not catch things he has previously had…….and the older he gets the stronger his body should become, it doesn’t work that you keep sending him and they just miraculously stop getting bugs, personally I’d delay it all and keep yourselves well……

I think this is a great idea thank you. I'm sleep deprived and hormonal so it's hard to make any decision right now but this sounds like a good plan.

This winter has been a bad one for most people for sickness but usually my kids are ill between Oct and Easter every year with various colds, bugs etc. 2 in 2 different settings (1 school 1 nursery) and I don't really have a hope of keeping it out. My youngest has had something most weeks since the first week of Nov.

You have no guarantee that keeping him home but still socialising is going to stop the amount of sickness. It could be purely luck that he didn't get sick last time you pulled him out or incubation time for illness (it can take up to 2 weeks to get symptoms of some viruses etc.

I'd keep him in esp. as he only does 3 morning a week.

Keep him in. You're just kicking the can down the road otherwise.

I remember it was the runs, then croupy cough then gammy eye/conjunctivitis roughly one every couple of weeks on a cycle at that age ... And then from school to adolescence virtually nothing of consequence, they only had a handful of days off school total. So yup it sucks but it will pay dividends and also it will be spring too, more outdoors time so fewer lurgies x

As someone else has said, the idea that it helps their immune systems is rubbish.

All it does is make him more run down and poorly now.

My niece was constantly poorly after being put into nursery at 1. She still gets every cough and cold going.

Sympathy. The first and second winter with 2 is horrific. They tag team viral illness between themselves and you can never catch a break.

I think you need to do your own risk assessment really. For me, I wouldn’t have coped without DC1 in childcare when DC2 was a small baby. So he carried on going to preschool 3 days per week and we took the hit managing illness. But DC2 was more like 5-7 months over winter, not a completely fresh newborn. And DC1 is so full on and high needs he needed pre school. If your eldest is calm and reasonable and can entertain himself at home you might be fine with him at home.

We're going through this at the moment with my 18 month old - absolutely horrendous and work are not impressed with me. Would be really curious to hear what nurseries reactions were to keeping children off for an extended period of time?

Nursery is germ training for toddlers, I wouldn’t pull him out, you’ll just end up with him being really sick during primary. Which is worse, because attendance becomes an issue.

Just picture the scene though. Newborn baby cluster feeding, trying to recover from birth, toddler screaming cus he's unwell and won't have dad comfort him. He's been going absolutely mental kicking and screaming at him. Trying desperately to keep him away from the baby as he keeps coughing on her.
If he goes to nursery this is just our life. Yes he can get things elsewhere but the frequency is never as much.
I've not even had chance to recover from giving birth. I don't know how to deal with a screaming poorly toddler that won't let his dad do anything for him. Can't explain how hysterical he becomes and he cries like he can't breathe.

He might just be having a bad run. Keep him off when he’s too ill to go but don’t fully pull him out of nursery.

My daughter has had similar over the winter months and she is 9, so has had plenty of time to build up immunity over the years and so on. It has never happened before, even when nursery age.

Poor you and your son - that sounds really hard, especially with a new baby in the mix.

I think it’s one of those situations where there’s no wrong answer, neither choice is unreasonable, you just have to decide what is best for you.

Nursery can be great for socialising children, they do get them ready for school a bit, and it gives you a break from being all the entertainment whilst also looking after a newborn.

However it won’t do him any harm not to go, or not to go yet, esp as you do socialise in your own time together. He’s only just three so could always go back for preschool next year which is plenty of time before school.

Yes, he is building up immunity, but again he will do that to an extent with ordinary socialising. It’s up to you if you want to get some illnesses out of the way now, whilst you’re off work anyway, and he’s not missing school. I don’t think you can be wrong either way!

I would pull him out. Cold, flu, covid, stomach bug viruses mutate constantly so catching them one year won't protect your son from next years batch. The immunity building hypothesis is a myth for these kinds of illnesses; we never actually sustain immunity from them. Fot example- this is why we need the flu vaccine yearly, the virus has mutated and any immunity (provided it hasn't already waned) is out of date. It is far better to avoid illnesses. Please also think of the longer term outcomes of a baby getting sick with eg. RSV can land a baby in hospital or worse, the prevalence of post-viral syndromes/diseases, and the destroying of the gut bacteria by antibiotic use.

You don't want to risk losing your nursery place

Keep him in, all you are doing if you pull him out is pushing it further down the line. It only lasts a few months (hard I know).
The only advice I give new parents is that if they are intending to use a nursery when they return to to work is to start at least 6-8 weeks one day a week settling in, just to get the wave of illnesses out of the way before returning to work.

This is such a tough stage! I have a similar enough age gap, and pulled my eldest out of nursery for a month when there were a few cases of scabies while I was on mat leave. We all have our limit of what we can handle and that was mine - not a chance in hell I was risking it if I could help it. if you have the emotional and physical bandwidth to have them both home with you for a few weeks, there's no harm trying it?

Get your DP to pack a lunch and snack box for the toddler before he goes off to work, and that makes the day flow a bit easier.

I would say brace yourself for baby getting sick regardless. My youngest caught his first bug at 4 weeks old. 🙈 It was helpful to have a baby nose spray and nose sucker just for him ready, as I didn't want cross contamination. Also had newborn safe vapour oils, and snuffle balm once he turned 3 months. Plus spoke to the GP at his first check, to ask what dose of calpol would be suitable for his weight. The bottle says 3 months plus, but lower doses for lower weights are often an option. Hopefully your baby won't get sick, but it removes stress if you're prepared.

I also put the toddler on a probiotic gummy, to help with his immune system, and focused on adding healthy supplements and lots of Vit C to his diet.

Hope you get a bit of sleep and a break soon.💐

I would pull him out. You have a new baby to consider and she could become very seriously unwell. Not to mention how rotten you will be feeling if you catch it all and have to look after them both.

He isn’t building up immunity because the common illnesses just mutate year to year. It must be miserable for him being in a constant cycle of illness too. He’ll be getting run down and less likely to cope with the next onslaught.