Breakfast in bed..teens

[RhaenysRocks]

Read an interesting article at the weekend..busy mum gives her teens breakfast in bed and has transformed the morning routine into a calm and happy one. The kids are otherwise helpful and not entitled brats. I do similar...I'm up earlier anyway and both get up far more willingly and happily if they've already had something. I know it feels like pandering but it works for us. So AIBU to do this or am I creating monsters?

I think my question would be, what do they to do to help the family?

There’s no “one size fits all”. You do what works for you.
I always used to take up breakfast to my DS when he was at school-it didn’t create a monster. I now have a hard working, incredibly tidy (and I mean tidy, Kim and Aggie would be proud) 18 years old DS. He still likes to eat upstairs sometimes, but that’s just about privacy, and it’s mainly when his GF is here

It's fine if it works for you. Mornings can be tricky with teenagers and it's better than a stressful start to the day.

I think it plays into the ‘mum as service human for others’ dynamic and doesn’t help teens learn to do things for themselves.

My dad used to bring us a cup of tea on weekday mornings, which was v nice.

No, I don't think you are creating monsters.

I take my dd porridge and tea in bed if she sleeps in as it's the best way to catch up time wise. If she misses the one bus, that's it. She's a good kid. If my dh or I did then we would do what we could to help one another.

I don't think it always does. My experience has been that they start doing it for themselves eventually regardless of how much you do for them.

Personally no, I don’t think it’s great generally speaking.
I know a couple of mums who do this and both revolve their lives around around serving sons and husband. It’s become completely expected, even if a very early wake up is needed (ie 4am)
If the mum wants to do that fine for her, but it creates unrealistic and unfair expectations for future women down the line.
I also think it’s very important to be sitting up when eating at a table, concentrating on what you are eating (not staring at a phone for example) and the mess in the bed would drive me nuts!

Interesting comments on both sides. I do make it very clear that this is something I choose to do and it's not a right. They have to keep their rooms clean, take laundry up and down, hoover occasionally and do the dishwasher. Both are ND and have struggled with EBSA in the past so getting mornings "right" is a bit of a premium. Im not fussed about eating at a table and so on. All of us like our individual headspace too so we sort of loop around each other in the mornings with my main role choreographing the bathroom time so everyone slots in and we all arrive at the front door at the right time.

It's really important that kids have a good start to the day. It doesn't mean pandering to them, but what you're doing sounds responsive and loving. As long as they're pulling their weight at other times I don't see the issue. I make my DD's breakfast and lunch everyday though she is fully capable of doing this herself.

I was more concerned that she was giving them Coco Pops, what a terrible start to the day.

But you have just completely contradicted yourself! Did you think of your dad in that way?

I feel it would make mine linger in bed longer and make them late.
When they were younger food was the motivation to get teeth brushed, showered, dressed and downstairs. My aim was to not have them go back upstairs if at all possible!
This routine has served us well throughout the teenage years.

Not pandering at all. What you're doing is realising and meeting their needs, as any parent would.
My daughter is 10 and she finds mornings overwhelming. I don't - I'm energised! So I take her breakfast up every day with real pleasure. And I'll continue to do so for as long as she wants and needs.

We don't do food upstairs. I'll take them a drink if they want one.

I hate any kind of food in bed. It’s impossible not to get crumbs in the sheets, spill coffee etc. I’d also dislike the idea that before they’re even awake, I’m downstairs preparing a meal for them, carrying it up on a tray (twice if there are 2 kids). And when do you stop? If they’re still at home as adults, will they still expect waitress service?

Silly idea. Encourage then to get themselves up and dressed smd feed themselves. Some parents now seem to be less and less interested in preparing the dc for the real world.

No food in bedrooms here. I do make DS breakfast on a Saturday though. Has to be at the dining table.

Depends on the age I would say, if they are younger I would prefer to have them down at the table for breakfast.

Teenagers can have theirs upstairs if they want but I won't be making it unless they are ill.

If i'm making myself a bacon or sausage sandwich I will ask DS3 who is 15 but the others are grown adults and can fend for themselves

I offer my teens a drink each morning but only because they always say no. I hate mornings and I don’t want to look after anyone that’s perfectly capable thanks.

They don't have breakfast in bed but I do make breakfast for everyone. All they have to do is sit and eat it. If one isn't feeling sociable, they can quietly go and sit in the dining room or even outside.

Not keen on food in bed, myself. I find that going in and simply waking them up with a kiss and asking if they’d like me to pop pastries in the oven for 15mins’ time works just as well in terms of waking them calmly/lovingly and motivating them to get their butts downstairs, though.

DD doesn’t eat breakfast if she can help it. I have found that if I take her something up she eats some or all of it. She is a tricky character (I suspect ND) and I try and think of my ultimate goal in any interaction. I want her to eat properly, I would prefer that she proactively does this herself but she doesn’t, so I compromise without it being a big deal. I am hoping that by eating breakfast regularly she will start to be hungry in the morning and we will naturally gravitate towards her getting it herself. But she hadn’t eaten in the morning for months, was pale and tired looking and would come home and raid the fridge and not eat a proper dinner, so giving it a go this term.

My Dad brought breakfast in bed to me and my mum every single morning until I left I home. When I was a little child I had no idea anyone ever did it any other way!

I never remember mornings being stressful at all so I do think it was a good idea. He’d wake me up in the morning and take my breakfast “order” and then by the time it arrived I’d woken up properly.

Sadly my husband doesn’t do the same!

My adult DD stayed overnight last week and I took her an omelette in bed. It's nice to be kind, doesn't mean you're a doormat. She really appreciated it.

We don't eat in bedrooms so I wouldn't do breakfast in bed but will often offer to make them something hot for breakfast at the weekends, which they love. They'll help out when asked so and are very grateful so I do like to treat them sometimes.