Breakfast in bed..teens

[RhaenysRocks]

Read an interesting article at the weekend..busy mum gives her teens breakfast in bed and has transformed the morning routine into a calm and happy one. The kids are otherwise helpful and not entitled brats. I do similar...I'm up earlier anyway and both get up far more willingly and happily if they've already had something. I know it feels like pandering but it works for us. So AIBU to do this or am I creating monsters?

I think it's sweet. My older teen loves hanging out in the mornings though, so the couple of times I've tried this, she has just followed me straight back down, and dd2 leaves the house v early and is always keen to be up and out the door, so I wouldn't catch her!

I do love when DH brings me tea in bed if he gets up first.

Ewwww, eating in bed???

I have to do this for DD. She's easily overwhelmed and has meltdowns. I avoid it by taking her breakfast in bed.
I've even sprinted to mcdonalds and back to grab a maccy D's breakfast for her before an early mock exam.

In our house - no. If you want something to eat, you come downstairs for it. Meals aren’t eaten in your bedroom.

I don't like food in bedrooms so it's a no for me. I know my mum does this for my two though; so they get that there.

I usually make their breakfast though in the mornings so I know they are eating something that will fill them up etc.

I do make eldest a cup of tea though for when I go to wake him up.

Nh, I don't like food in the bed, it's a good way to attract bugs and mice (we live in an old house, there are always mice waiting to get in.) Maybe if I didn't have to remind them to launder their bedding I'd be more inclined, or nag them about food wrappers they leave around in them.

Not in bed but my mum sometimes used to bring me toast while I was getting ready for school in my bedroom when I was a teenager.

I invariably gave most of it to the dog because I never feel like eating first thing in the morning.

I have no objection but personally I wouldn't do that.

I don't do breakfast in bed but I set it out on the table during the week and DD is responsible for sorting breakfast at the weekend and we've done this since she was about 5 - we have breakfast cereal dispensers and a small jug of milk in the fridge she could manage, now she tends to cook some form of eggs on toast. I WFH now so it's really no bother as I'm not rushing to get out the door.

Its just the two of us though and I think it's probably easier for us to be a team and split things rather than a two parent, multiple child household. Shes recently started working at a Charity shop starting at 8:30 so I'll get up and do her breakfast on that day too as I have nowhere to be.

Nothing to do with teenagers but I think it's gross 🤢 to eat in bed.

If I'd read this before having kids I would have slated you for this OP! I'm very much for eating-mindfully-at-the -table and don't believe in pandering.

However, my eldest is ND, mornings are difficult for many reasons. Sometimes I take him breakfast to eat at his desk in his room if he's struggling. It helps him transition from night time to morning and saves his siblings from being subjected to a meltdown first thing which can be awful for them.

As a PP said, it depends on how else they contribute/work to manage themselves. My DS is grateful and is getting good at trying to manage and prevent his own moods which is hard for him so I'm happy to meet him halfway.

Do what works.

I used to take up breakfast to my teenage DDs while they were getting ready for school/college. It was always appreciated by them and never taken for granted. It just made the start to their day a bit easier. They're both now at university so are fending for themselves.

It brought back happy memories of when I stayed with my Dad, he used to bring me up toast (always cut into slices for some unknown reason) and a cup of tea every morning. If I was very lucky I'd get the morning newspaper to read too!

Nice one! I'd definitely do that.

Thanks all .it's interesting that some of you do it for the same reasons I do, managing transitions and ND issues. I really can't get on board with the "eeew food in bed" comments. My kids are not slobs and bring their plates / bowls down. We have cats so no issues with mice. In an ideal, cookie cutter world, we'd all sit round the table having a chirpy chat but being a full time working single mum to somewhat challenging kids put the kybosh on any number of ideals I might have had! In some cases, especially with DD, it has definitely been a case of getting her to eat anything at all.

That sound nice, beats shouting at them to get up after the 10th time of asking nicely then shoving them out the door with a cereal bar because they are running late.

I go down and make myself tea, and DD a simple breakfast, every weekday morning. Take it all back upstairs and eat / drink as we're getting ready. Works for us. She is a polite and grateful kid. I am ND and I suspect she is too. At least I know she's eaten something, in her own time. Who wants a stressful morning if it can be avoided?

My DH provides morning room service for our teen & tween, also both ND. Like you say, OP, it helps enormously with the transitions of morning routines. It's a school day service though, weekends and holidays they fend for themselves (mostly).

I provide what I jokingly refer to as the lady's maid service, ie. laying out of clothes & organising of school bags. Personally, I think I should receive a butler's wage but I have to make do with my meagre carers allowance!

I don’t do it because I’m usually the first one to leave the house and I never leave myself enough time! I take my breakfast to work! DH always gets up first so he can make me a cup
of tea before I leave - even on his day off which I massively appreciate. I don’t think there is a right or wrong here just whatever suits your family set up

@healthybychristmas You’re right, my post was rather contradictory! My dad actually did and still does (sadly) have that perception of himself as ‘support human’, we (his DC) usually didn’t abuse that, or not often!

I think morning routines are super important in setting kids up for the day and there's no one size fits all.

My mum is always, ALWAYS of the attitude that everyone should fit in with her morning plans - she's a super early riser and will thump around the house deliberately to wake everyone up. I was supposed to get up and eat (even though I was very not ready to), and do certain chores before school (we lived super rurally, so it was a long journey in).

I asked if I could do different chores in the evening, and demonstrated that I could get up 1.5h later, have a tea and toast, brush my teeth and be out in 30m. Nope. It had to be her routine.

As a result I skived school because if I said I was ill, I'd get the extra sleep I desperately needed (insomnia/migraines).

So I'm pretty anti parents dictating a start to the day that doesn't take the child into account.

I'm great at getting up and working at managing my time.

The only thing I do for my teens is wake them up and then that's it, off they go, no big deal My youngest, 11, is a complete misery guts on a morning and I do tend to be a bit more soft on him as a result. I still make up his breakfast and his school bag, remind him to get ready, time checks all morning, find his shoes 🙄 - but this tale of bringing breakfast to bed by some withered mother who has been ground into complete subservience has galvanised my resolve to toughen the hell up a bit.

DD does this for our teen DGC's. She says that it's no skin off her nose, and swears it works.
I'd never have dreamt of doing it for my kids 30 years ago but times change, attitudes too.
As a doting Grandma, my DGC can do little wrong and there's almost nothing that I'd not do for them, BUT, I think I draw the line at breakfast in bed when they stay over and I don't think that they would expect it. It's just a nice little harmony promoting thing between Mum and teens.
(Still think it's weird though) .

Bit harsh..I'm not withered and I'm not subservient. Given the list of things you do for your lad, I'm not sure why breakfast in bed is especially worse if it promotes harmony.

I'm actually pleasantly surprised that so many people have said they think it's ok if it works for us.. having been through EBSA and seen on lots of threads 'Id just drag them in, we never got a choice, take their tech/ pet / heating away' comments it's nice to see that maybe people are starting to "get" what ND can trigger and require.

Lol, I'm still in bed by the time my kids leave for school. They are independent and sort themselves out and have done since just before high school. DH leaves for for at 5am or is in bed after a night shift so he wouldn't be doing it either.

I've found that me getting up with them hinders them being ready, we have 1 bathroom and everyone is fighting for it so I've learned to stay out their way and get up after they've left at 7.45am.

I actually think that breakfast in bed is a step beyond but yes, my child who is still in juniors can do far more than he currently does and that will have to happen now - before he goes to senior school.

Now and again would be a treat but as a day to day strategy to keep the peace, I think it's an unsustainable layer of dependency from them that isn't replicable when they leave home for uni/ work and it sounds like you are walking on eggshells and presenting it as a strategy.