Breakfast in bed..teens

[RhaenysRocks]

Read an interesting article at the weekend..busy mum gives her teens breakfast in bed and has transformed the morning routine into a calm and happy one. The kids are otherwise helpful and not entitled brats. I do similar...I'm up earlier anyway and both get up far more willingly and happily if they've already had something. I know it feels like pandering but it works for us. So AIBU to do this or am I creating monsters?

My DS is sat in our bed next to me eating breakfast and (even worse) watching telly as I write this! (He's 10 so I doubt he will be in our bed when he's a teen but same principle really).

To be fair I only have one child but it works for us. Mornings have zero stress...probably my favourite part of the day actually. I don't recognise the stressful morning dynamic at all. In about half an hour he'll get himself dressed, do his teeth and off he goes.

DS isnt perfect of course but he is really well behaved, works hard at school, is polite etc etc. Its not a ND thing for us either.

It's prepared by either me or DH depending on who wakes first so no gender issue.

ETA he also reads for an hour before bed out of choice, does loads of exercise and doesn't do much gaming (including nothing online). Not that I should have to justify but I feel like I have to in case people make assumptions based on breakfast in bed!

Who cleans the crumbs?
Or magically is there no mess lol

I think there is something to be said for being 'in the moment' with your children, looking at the effect something you do with or for them now, rather than what it might make them become when they go to uni, etc. if, in the here and now, you think your daughter will benefit, try it.

That particular Times columnist writes regularly about her children often in ways that must really embarrass them (such as about their bowel habits in this article). DH and I can’t stand her but equally call each other to come and have a look at what she’s written now, so i guess a good columnist!

Similar story here, ND and EBSA amongst other things.
I make the breakfasts on school days, sometimes they eat them in their rooms. It's about meeting whatever need there is that day/that moment and helping them transition with the least stress possible.
Although yesterday as I ran around after both of them while WFH I did wonder how I got to this point!

I might try this with 15yo ds. He really struggles in the mornings.

Each to his own. Meals are primarily eaten at the table here and always were when the kids were teens. Personally, I hate breakfast in bed. But the underlying structure of eating together at the table - and that’s mostly what happened with two full time workers and three school kids (albeit all travel to work, school, and any other activity was and still is by bike) - fed in to relaxed family mealtimes together and no meals taken off to rooms by moody teenagers trying to avoid social interaction. This was always important to me, but of course it won’t be the same priority for others.

No I wouldn’t do this for my teens unless they were ill, although my DH brings me a cup of tea in bed every morning.

My DC hated school/college dinners so would be up having breakfast making their packed lunch at the same time then straight in their shower then out of the door.

Whatever, works for you but my DC prefer privacy in their space too so wouldn’t want me invading it with breakfast in hand either.

Sod what anyone else thinks about you meeting the needs of their disability .

I really agree with "being in the moment" and meeting their current needs. I don't recall especially being made to do chores as a teen but when I lived alone I figured out I needed to empty bins and wash up and hoover occasionally. I don't do BinB at the weekend because there's no rush to be up and out so they can schlep down whenever suits them.
A pp said I am walking on eggshells and treating like a strategy which gave me pause for thought but on reflection I think that dealing with ND can be like that necessarily. The longer term "normal" approaches simply don't work and create huge obstacles to happy, calm households. In very general terms, I think ND, especially in boys is linked to emotional immaturity and they do eventually "get there" just a few years later than their peers. This is especially true in educational and independent living .

My DM used to do this for me in the mornings as a teen. She was up for work and making things like toast and banana/peanut butter anyway, and I was absolutely terrible and waking up in the mornings as a teen.

She definitely wasn’t a DM who pandered generally, quite the opposite, so maybe she just did it to make the mornings easier.

One of my DC is autistic and also takes ADHD meds in mornings and needs to eat quickly, so I sometimes do that - but reading this makes me think that I might do it for all of them. Waking up early can be really hard for teens anyway because it is out of line with their body clocks, so it might be a nice thing to do.

My kids aren't allowed food in their rooms due to mice. We had a little family living in our sofa a few years ago due to crumbs being dropped and not being able to reach them with the hoover (the crumbs not the mice)! So now it's no food apart from in the kitchen!
However weekdays I wake up early, so food is always prepped and ready to be eaten when kids and dh finally surface! And I like having a quiet kitchen first thing so I can have a coffee without being asked a billion questions.
Weekend dh generally does the breakfast routine as he gets up earlier than me to get a paper (I think he enjoys the mile walk to the newsagents, as he doesn't actually seem to read the paper!)
Occasionally the kids (teens) are up before us, especially if I've been out gigging with the band, and they'll get breakfast. Basically whoever gets up first does the brekky duty!
I think you just do what works for your family, there is no right or wrong. All set ups are different. If everyone is happy, and stress is minimal then it's working. If it's a tense or stressful atmosphere then try changing it find the easiest way forward.

I didn't do this but I think it's fine. As long as they're clear that you're doing it as an act of kindness to help them, and not because it's your "job" to serve them, I think it's great to do whatever works for you and your family. There is nothing wrong with doing nice things for your kids and it won't automatically turn them into spoilt brats.

Wow and the teens fire up when?

I take mine a cup of tea and some toast first thing, ask how they slept, make sure they're alright, it's just nice. I've never had to shout or get stressed at them and they come down, fed clean and ready to leave. I think scrambling out of bed last minute without breakfast, feeling gnarly must be so chaotic

about 45 mins after they actually wake up ,they get out of bed, get sorted and we all leave together about 30 mins later. It's their choice to have a long window to come round. It's not really an issue. I use the additional time to make sure the house is generally straight and all pets fed etc.

It’s not a ‘Kids these days’ issue. I’m 60. When I was a teen we all had to be out - sister to college, mum and dad to work, me to school. I am not now and was not then a morning person. It was more harmonious for everyone if I didn’t cause havoc. My mum used to make my tea and toast, put it half way up the stairs and call me. I’d get it and finish getting ready while I ate it. By then I was fit to speak to other humans. All other meals were taken together at the table and I never expected otherwise.

When my 9 daughter was 9 she became very ill and was diagnosed with a painful chronic medical condition. Mornings were very difficult and she also needed to eat before taking medication. I took her breakfast in bed for 2 years until her medical condition was under better control. She now comes downstairs for breakfast but I am sore she will look back and appreciate feeling cared for.

@RhaenysRocks Thanks for starting this thread. Tried it with 15yo ds and it’s been transformational. His older sister is most unimpressed with our parenting 😆