To think adult DD expects too much of me?

[Roastingtatties]

Looking for honest opinions….

I’m a single mum of 3, with two neurodivergent school age children at home and an adult DD who lives 20 miles away with her partner and 5 year old DD.

DD complains that I don’t babysit enough. Apparently i’m a terrible grandmother and should make more of an effort with GD. I currently babysit overnight one weekend every 4-5 weeks and a few hours here and there during the week (though admittedly not every week).

I love my GD dearly, we FaceTime
every day and I do genuinely enjoy having her, especially for shorter visits. However, a night out for DD usually equates to the entire weekend. On these weekends i barely sleep as GD snores like a freight train and wakes up throughout the night (not her fault, she has adenoid issues).

Perhaps I should do more but I’ve genuinely got a lot on my plate at the moment and loosing a weekend of sleep, plus getting behind with weekend work takes me a while to recover from.

For context, I work full time, run a business and I’m currently up to my neck with a house renovation. My younger two are challenging and I’m perimenopausal with some ongoing health struggles. DD thinks I’m making excuses but I would sometimes like a break too!

Adult DD, is a stay at home mum, has a supportive partner and GD is in FT school. DD struggles with her mental health and whilst I sympathise with her and do what i can, it’s never enough.

AIBU, should I do more?

DD is almost 27 her partner is 30. So they’re not teenagers.

DD is almost 27 her partner is 30. So they’re not teenagers.

Oh wow! So I'd tell her now, before she / they ask about babysitting, that it's too much for you with your work and your two ND school-age DC. Then should she ask again later, you can just remind her of the conversation and say actually you were thinking of asking her to help out with her younger siblings.

I think you need to have a conversation where you explain that she is an adult now with her own child, and it's not normal or reasonable to expect you to continue to support her as if she were a child herself.

She would be outraged if you tried to control her life as if she were a teenager, and it works the other way too. This is literally how things have been since the beginning of time, all over the world.

One of my friends is due to become a grandparent any day now, she's actually dreading it because of shit like this. She's seen some of our other friends lose any spare time they had to grand-children. One of our friends works full time Mon-Fri and on Saturday mornings the kids are left with her because mum and dad need a break due to 'working full-time'.

Crackanut... I'm due to be a Grandmother later this year. A lady my Stepson knows, her Daughter (18 years old) has had a child. The Grandmother had to take very robust action as the new Mother was more worried about getting her nails done and looking at her phone leaving Granny to deal with the baby. I'm not envisaging any problems with my new Grandchild but when I read posts like the OPs it is a timely warning to be watchful for this sort of behaviour.
And to the original Poster... your Daughter is a 27 year old SAHM and you work full time, with two young children and she wants you to babysit roughly every four weeks whilst she parties, absolutely NO.

This! ⬆️ She has way less on her plate & more support than you do. She needs telling how selfish & childish she is being.