Is this really rude?

[niadainud]

Or did I over-react?

Family member answering a phone call when the meal (which I had cooked from scratch) had just gone on the table.

To try to anticipate any questions: no, the call was not of vital importance; yes she knew the meal was ready; yes, it would have gone cold quite quickly.

This was the final meal of my Christmas visit before heading home where I live alone (so the last time I would be sharing a meal for a while).

It didn't turn into an argument, but I was clearly not happy. Then to top it off the other family member answered the bloody landline!

No I wouldn't find this rude but we're not a formal family

Yanbu but if it was me I might answer incase of emergency (my mum is in a care home) but then say ‘I’ll ring you back’.

Yes. Very shit rude.

It wouldn't have bothered me although I'd have thought the person who answered the call would try to wrap it up fairly quickly.

The fact that you're thinking about it at least a week later is a bit much maybe?

Yes, it was the continuing to talk until I'd almost finished mine that really pissed me off. Answering to arrange a call back later would have been fine.

To answer wasn’t rude, could have been Important.
To not say I’ll call you back once that was established was.

Would they have known it wasn't important before they picked up?
How long did they stay on the call?

Fair enough. We're not either actually, but it pushed my buttons on this occasion.

Taking into account it was the last supper, as it were, and you were heading home the following day then yes it was a bit rude. That's why we have answer phones.

But, different generations have different priorities, and many (equally from my generation too) are just slaves to the phone and it has to be answered, in case they miss out on something.

It was the fact they didn't that annoyed me.

Yes, possibly! I'm not losing sleep over it, but it has niggled a little. It's less than a week, actually.

It would upset me too OP because it shows a lack of respect or consideration for you.

That is rude. You briefly answer the call, while leaving the table, and tell caller you're having dinner and speak later. Then apologise and sit back down. If it's urgent then still leave the table and keep it as brief as possible.
Someone did that recently at a friend's house. Just had a full 20 minute phone convo with someone, idle chit chat when we were all seated waiting to eat. So rude I thought.

IMHO it is rude to answer a phone call in the circumstances you describe but as long as they made it a quick "just having dinner, I'll call you later" then I wouldn't show my annoyance

If they launched in to a full blown chat while the dinner went cold then I would be pissed off for sure!

It is rude but some families are quite laid back so might have thought it was okay?

Yes, because my dad had already answered the landline and then the person rang again on my mum's mobile (or my mum rang her - I'm not 100% sure).

It was long enough for me to have almost finished eating my main course.

Very rude IMO
If it was a drawn out phonecall that wasn't important or from a family member who needed her urgent attention
It implies the person on the phone is more important than you who is F2F

Talking on the phone, unless it's an emergency, is very rude if you're with someone else. I'm obviously not talking about being with your partner unless you're on a date or busy doing something.

It was the latter. And I had said it was on the plate going cold.

That was precisely how it felt, yes.

I think it’s not great, but it also depends on how many meals you’ve all had together over the period of time, if it’s been loads then it’s more acceptable, how many people are at the table, if there’s quite a few it’s more acceptable. It also kinda depends on who it was on the line. Depends on the age of the family member too, if they’re younger then I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. It actually wouldn’t bother me anyway as long as there were four or more people left at the table.

Quite a few meals (I was there over a week) but this was the final evening meal before I left.

It was an in-law who rang.

How many of you were at the table? It would actually piss me off tbh if one person chatted the whole meal and then the other went off and answered the landline - i take it all back, that would actually totally piss me off! You’re right!

Well there should have been three! But all three were only concurrently seated for a couple of minutes between the two phone calls.

You not being unreasonable in the slightest.
I find it so rude when people do this.
It’s like you’re the bloody cook or something not a family member who has cooked a lovely meal to share together.

I actually do think it's rude. I'd be okay with them answering and finding out it if was important - a quick "I'm just sitting down to dinner, can I call you back or is this super important?" would be fine. But continuing to chat I think is rude. I don't mind checking a text at the table because it could be important, but texting back (if not important), chatty phone calls, etc., can absolutely wait.

It'd piss me off. DH and I wouldn't do it and we (obviously!) live together!