Is this really rude?

[niadainud]

Or did I over-react?

Family member answering a phone call when the meal (which I had cooked from scratch) had just gone on the table.

To try to anticipate any questions: no, the call was not of vital importance; yes she knew the meal was ready; yes, it would have gone cold quite quickly.

This was the final meal of my Christmas visit before heading home where I live alone (so the last time I would be sharing a meal for a while).

It didn't turn into an argument, but I was clearly not happy. Then to top it off the other family member answered the bloody landline!

I wasn't on my own, but I'd made a special dish for my mum (as she is vegetarian) and it was spoiling as it went cold.

I made my point and there was no big argument and I left on good terms with both parents.

Very rude to carry on talking unless an emergency. If you must answer why not say the dinner is on table and call them back?

I think it's very rude. You cook a final meal and then just as it's time to eat the other two people piss off and chat on the phone leaving you sitting there alone or with the other person. Not the farewell dinner you had organised where you wanted to chat as a group of 3 and complete your visit warmly.

What if you'd gone out for dinner. Would you think it was rude then?

The meal was obviously something the OP put together as an event. Just chatting unnecessary ti someone on the phone who could have waited is rude. It's saying 'this unnecessary chat on the phone^^ is more important to me than chatting and eating with you in person who has just cooked a meal for us'

Why do people feel so beholden to phone calls?

That's what I didn't really understand.

Yes it’s rude. Fine to answer and say “we’re just sitting down to dinner, can I call you back?” Not fine to have a conversation.

Exactly! Thank you.

How cold was it really going to go in 5 minutes? And besides couldn’t she just pop it in the microwave? Most meals aren’t ruined by being allowed to cool a bit, food doesn’t have to be boiling hot.

'Farewell dinner' she was going home, not off to war.

True, but I do live a 12-hour journey away.

It was spaghetti, so cools down and congeals quite quickly.

It seems like rude is the new normal with phone etiquette.

I don't think this comes under formality. My family are very informal but my parents/siblings wouldn't just ignore a meal I'd cooked for them to chat on the phone instead.

I would have been tempted to put their dinner in the bin!

How old are they? My parents are like this. Total mad dash for the phone, god forbid they miss a call. But they will at least say "I'll call you back". They are early 70s

Yes I would find this rude. Because you are sitting down to dinner with people. Think of it this way, if you were out for dinner at a restaurant, would it be considered rude to leave the table to take an extended non urgent call for the duration of the meal? Yes of course it would! So why should it be any different at home.
Also because they are letting the food I’ve spent time preparing get cold. Some meals aren’t good when they’ve been left to cool too much, like pasta dishes.
So yanbu to be annoyed. Nothing you can do now though, so time to let it go.

Incredibly rude. My DH did this to me on his birthday. It was during Covid and restaurants had to adapt to providing meals to take away. I ordered dinner from a very fancy restaurant that had to be booked a week in advance. I had to drive to the restaurant, wait outside in the cold until it was ready and then rush it home before the food got cold. I had just dished this very expensive meal up on the table when DH's brother rang to wish him happy birthday. I asked him to tell him he'd call back after dinner but DH just sat and chatted away (about all sorts of unnecessary and mundane stuff - work gossip, kids sports, etc.) while his dinner got cold in front of him. I finished my meal in silence and got up and left the table while he continued to chat away with his cold food in front of him. Absolutely ruined what should have been a special occasion.

They should have explained that they were just sitting down to eat and would return the call later, especially if it wasn't their own home.

I would have answered the call and said I've just sat down to my dinner, can I call you back later?
That would have been the polite way to do it!
Sitting on the phone while you're eating is incredibly rude! YANBU!

My mil does this. We could be mid sentence and the phone will ring, she will answer and we are then dismissed as she will be on there for ages talking old people bollix. It's very rude. I just leave and let her get on with it.

Maybe they were fed up with you by then?
A week is a long time to have someone else in your space/home. Don’t stay as long next time.

I would find it very rude indeed. It’s bad manners full stop.

However, if the call was from someone very elderly, like a 95 year old relative who only rings once or twice a year to say “happy new year” or “happy birthday” and this was the new year call, you kind of have to take it there and then as it is such an effort for them to ring.

Also, did you consult them about the timing of the meal?

Tbh there’s no point in making a song and dance about it now You received their hospitality for a week so you are more or less even.

You implied that you packed up the food and left the table while they were talking on the phone? How did they react to that? Were any words spoken? Did you leave on good terms?

I think if you'd been welcomed into their home over Christmas it's a bit rude to be chewing a bee over slipped manners

Please ignore the post above!

I’ve managed to miss long bits of this thread on my broken device and misunderstood what happened. Too late to edit!

It was long enough for me to have almost finished eating my main course.

I would have just left the table and washed my plate.

No way would I sit and watch them eat.

What did you do?

Yeah I think this is incredibly rude. I wouldn't answer my phone even if it was just DP and I sitting down to dinner on a weeknight. The phone ringing doesn't mean you have to snap to attention for it, ahead of the people you're actually in the room with.