Feeling a little uneasy after todays event

[iCantStoppp]

Had an event today for husbands extended family. Haven’t spoken to sil for over 5 years since she made nasty comments about my child. She’s always been like this but I’ve tried to be the bigger person but I wasn’t putting up with it once it involved my child. DH as usual wanted to keep peace and told me that’s just how she is and he will never back me up or question her. He’s a bit of a coward and just never confronts anyone.

anyways I was at the event and didn’t know she would be attending I saw her hugging everyone etc.

towards the end her husband said hello to me and I had friendly chit chat with him. Haven’t seen him for same amount of time. He was okay just civil. I left the event without saying hello to her. I feel a little uneasy as I often second guess myself. DH asked if we spoke and I said no. She did kind of ignore me as she came to our table and hugged everyone but ignored me and the kids. Should I have at least said hello to her first? Or was it her responsibility as she’s the one who caused the argument? What would you guys have done? I’m thinking I should have said hello to her first then maybe the ice would have broken. DH is looking glum and I’m feeling for his sake I should have tried. I probably won’t see her at an event for another few years so this was an opportunity missed to make amends.

even when we were “friendly” in the beginning she never really bothered with me. She always has an angry face on her.

I think it depends if you want to have any kind of relationship with her or not, if you don't i really wouldn't worry about it, if you do now is the perfect time as you can msg her and say I feel bad for not speaking to you the other day I really don't want things to be like this between us.

In my opinion, you have done nothing wrong. She ignored you, you returned the favour. Unfortunately, not everyone in every family is nice, and she sounds awful.
Let her be the golden girl, who cares?
Your OH needs to grow a pair though.

I don't get why you say your husband is a bit of a coward and doesn't confront anyone. He stood up to you against his sister, I would find that worse as I'm guessing the child she said something about is his too?

I hope your dh at least told mil he heard her say those things. I would find it hard to get past the disloyalty

Many years ago now SIL made comments about my DC at a family funeral. It was neither the time nor the place to challenge. A few weeks later, they visited, and I told her calmly that she never speaks about or to my children like that again...well it blew up, and I was thrown across a room! Dbro, SIL, and I did not speak for well over 10 years. My DH offered behind my back an olive branch. For a few years, there was a truce until she made comments about DH! He learnt his lesson, and we have low contact now. She is an opinionated, nightmare, my brother has burnt his bridges with most of the family due to her behaviour.

To be honest I'd just make a point of saying hello and asking her how she was etc with a massive smile on my face just so I could honestly say it isn't me who is carrying the argument on over the years. That way she either responds equally well or is mean/ cold and then I'd know I tried and to just keep it very formal in future. Good luck.

I wouldn't care. I learned the hard way that it's pointless.

There was this batshit woman in work who for absolutely no reason I was or am aware of, stopped speaking to me. (It turned out that I was one in a long line; the woman has something seriously amiss with her!)

As I hadn't got the foggiest what was going on, I persisted in speaking to her. At best she grunted but most of the time she looked straight through me like I wasn't there. I gave up in the end!

I'd see someone walking down the corridor and I'd automatically start to smile and say hello, then would realise it was her and have to hastily rearrange my features.

It turns out, it's hard work to stop speaking to someone!!

Sorry, this is unrelated but how do you edit comments? Lol I have no clue how to do it but I noticed you had.

Too much of women's time is spent fretting about this stuff. I'd put it out of your head. If it upsets your DH let him fret about how to fix it.

You’re not going to see her again for years? Then just forget about her. I doubt your husband will be bothered by the end of tomorrow.

I would have waited until we were in a large group and then said a cheery hello, how are you, and watched her squirm.

I’d have said hello and been friendly just to show her up tbh.

DH as usual wanted to keep peace and told me that’s just how she is and he will never back me up or question her.

'And this is just how I am. I do not look past people making cruel comments about children, particularly when it concerns our child'.

You did nothing wrong, OP, and were I you I would be deeply disappointed in my husband. He's a father and should behave as one by putting his child first.

I've encountered a not dissimilar circumstance so I fully sympathise. You are far better keeping this unpleasant woman firmly at arm's length, not least asking your husband what the hell he thinks his priorities are.

YANBU.

Why would you want to have any sort of relationship with someone who said nasty things about your child?

If you continue to ignore her because she is ignoring you then it becomes a thing and basically it drives a wedge in the family. The longer it goes on the worse it gets. Over time MIL may get involved and will always prioritise her family so she will exclude you, putting your DH in the position of having to side with his family or you. Assuming he backs you up he will be disadvantaged by losing his family and it will affect your marriage negatively and his well being. Plus your children will lose their cousins. All things considered saying hello and making small chat once or twice a year is a small price to pay to keep things peaceful. I know that's not the usual MN attitude but that's my view.

What was the nasty thing? And are you sure you didn't mishear/misunderstand, as no one else seemed to have heard it, and she denies saying it.
It's odd because she seems to play with your dc when you aren't there (you said playing cards), so she certainly seems to like them well enough.
It all seems odd!

Her husband heard. It's in one of her posts

I would always say hello, more because if you don't it can feel worse later on. It sort of gets rid of the tension

@ABigBarofChocolate

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