Who gets the room

[Lifeshardiko]

So me and DH have 4 children between us- 2 are mine and he has 2- 3 are boys between 11 and 13 and a girl age 16. DSD no longer stays over often but visits for dinner, evening etc.
we have 2 double bedrooms and a box room - my DS11 is in 1 big room, his DS11 is in the other and my DS13 is in the box room. I feel it makes more sense for my DS to swap with DSS and mine are here everyday- there day is not around and DSD is here EOW so 2/14 days.
DH thinks I am being nasty as DSS has always been in this room (it was divided between him and DSD) but I think it makes more sense that the child in the home more has the larger space and it’s not about which kids is who’s more about using the space better.
what do others think as we can not agree

It pisses me off that your dh can't see beyond his 'my son your son' mentality and see that it's a case of one person who lives in the house full time not having a proper sized space anywhere in his life whereas the other one has two big rooms one he uses 12/14 and the other he uses 2/14.

Of dh can't see beyond his territorial claim and focus on plain old logistics he sounds like someone I wouldn't enjoy being around

This is the disagreement as if we take out the titles of whose children are who’s and which are step and look purely as use and time in the house it makes sense to swap rooms

Have you talked to DSD about why she has stopped staying? Was there an issue with damp in her room? Would she like to stay if she had her own space? She is still very young to have no bed in her dad's house.

I suspect your DH is already feeling like he is the visiting partner because his daughter hardly visits and his son only EOW. He may feel like he is already subsidising your DC and therefore is sticking to his guns about his DS having one of the big rooms. Do you split costs equally or do you pay more because your DC are there full time? You and your children already take up more of the house than he and his children if you get my drift and to him it may seem like you want to decrease that and shove his kid into even less space.

I think the two children who live there full time should have the bigger rooms.

The other child has a room at their own house for all their things!

Your stepson hasn't always been in the large room, which I believe was your husband's argument. He, your stepson, was in only the portion of the room that was used to make his bedroom. He wasn't sharing the room with his sister as they each had their own separate rooms after the room was divided.
Now that the dividing structure has been removed, your stepson has gained a new larger room to use for 2/14 days. Meanwhile, your son continues to use a room that's not big enough for all his stuff every single day.
That's not bloody fair. I get that your stepson probably feels that the larger room should be his and that he'd upset to be given the box room. However, you can absolutely justify doing that.
How would you ever justify to your son not giving him the larger room? How could you justify allowing your stepson to have the space of two bedrooms when your son barely has the space of one?

That was always DSS's room, and then you and your DC moved in and they get to see more of your partner than his own son? Yeah don't take his room, that would be really really mean, he probably feels pushed out as it is.

Me and my DC don’t move in to their home we all moved in together - my DH previously rented and I had a mortgage on a 3 bed property and sold that to get bigger

I think it’s unreasonable this wasn’t all ironed out before moving in. Why did you give the biggest available bedroom to children that were only there 2/14!? What made you think it was reasonable for a 16yo girl to share with her brother? Not really surprised she doesn’t want to stay overnight

No that's not what happened at all 🤦🏻‍♀️

Eh? Read the Ops posts the bigger room was divided to give he's DD & DS their own rooms. The division has been removed because of a dampness issue and the DD is no longer staying.

Circumstances have changed hence it makes perfect sense for them to reconsider who is in which room.

Of course the children living permanently there get the larger room.
So your son is in a box room while a large empty room remains unused for 12/14 nights?

Why did you move in with a man who would think this is reasonable.
Awful behaviour.

And you sold your home for THIS????

Have you considered reinstating the room partition? Then DSS remains in his room and an additional bedroom is created - which your son could have if bigger than the boxroom?