One child has inherited AGAIN

[EWAB]

A decade ago my younger son benefited from a massive inheritance.

Essentially my MiL bypassed her three children and left everything to her 6 grandchildren.

The grandchildren: 2 siblings, 3 siblings and my younger child.

SHE WAS ENTITLED TO DO AS SHE PLEASED. IT WAS HER MONEY.

The fallout was quite seismic for lots of reasons. My partner felt that as he only had one child the family of the brother with 3 children benefitted disproportionately.

It was said at the time and I believe this to be the case that the will was designed like this. to stop my elder child from a previous relationship from benefiting as he might have done 40/50 years later if the money had gone directly to my partner.

As for my relationship, my partner refused to consider changing our wills leaving more to elder child who was at the time very unlikely to inherit from his own father. He is now on property ladder but any inheritance will pale into insignificance compared with younger child’s

Well it’s happened again!

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

HE WAS ENTITLED TO DO WHAT HE WANTED WITH HIS OWN MONEY.

I genuinely can’t contemplate my two sons having such vastly different lives.

I want advice to come to terms with it . I have disabled voting. I can’t talk to anyone.

I’d be sad too @EWAB and while I know it’s not the done thing on MN, my DSD does stand to inherit x2 because both sets of step parents and step grandparents do see her as family. Not everyone treats “blended” family members like the next door neighbour, especially if they’ve been in their lives from very young. My parents couldn’t treat DSD more like a granddaughter if they tried and her stepdads parents are exactly the same. These threads always make me feel really lucky.

I wouldn’t hide anything from anyone and would have open and honest conversations with your boys, assuming both are old enough to understand the logistics of the inheritance and what they are both likely to receive in the future. The one who is inheriting might help his brother out and even it up a bit or even suggest that you leave his brother more to make it closer to equal. And if not, at least both will know that you weren’t aware and have done all you can to give them as good and as similar a life as possible.

So what would be achieved by telling him, other than potentially causing bad feelings between the brothers that could easily have been avoided? I honestly don't understand why the OP would do this or why anyone would encourage her to

you crass tramp.

25 years ago, yes. Not so much nowadays unfortunately.

You have no.clue what kind of.future or opportunities your children will have.

I made money in my 20's off being thin and pretty. One of my brothers has a good business sense and made some investments that made him a multimillionaire by 45.

You are making this difficult by focusing on the money.

I think you need to see a therapist and figure out where this obsession comes from.

What I was trying to say when I responded to your first post is if op did talk to her younger son and encourage him to share she may use emotional blackmail without realising. I don't think the op could handle a disagreement with her son if he doesn't want to share. She is too emotionally invested and for good reason of course that's why she needs to back away.

The thing is OP you've been massively elusive when asked outright several times...
A) How much money?
B) Age of the kids? (or even young/teens)

If we're talking like 100k it'll give the youngest a bit of a leg up with 1st car/property ladder. But it's not exactly enough to generate a playboy lifestyle.

So you would go into a home and give one child a present and not to the step-child?

He's absolutely right.

As soon as you enter a second relationship, lines are drawn. Sometimes this happens in nuclear families also, but not normally when children are minors (mercifully). But not at all uncommon when they're adults.

Your DH has no 'right' to your first child. You both share 'rights' to your second child. Your decisions have to be made keeping both in mind at all times, doing right by both. Your DH is only looking out for his child, and from what you've posted you're trying to compensate for this by looking out all the more for your first child. It's understandable - but wrong. They both deserve the same. It so happens that your second child is getting what the first is getting + some more - that's life.

Your second child's financial situation is not the business of your eldest child. This isn't a "secret". It's confidential information. There's an enormous difference between keeping something secret and keeping it private. Your elder child has no right to the information about his brother's inheritance. And it absolutely is NOT your right to tell him, whatever your motivations may be. And honestly, if I were your DH's family, I'd be sharing zero information with him in case he told you and I absolutely wouldn't be sharing it with you directly. I understand your intentions are the best; but you can't seem to lift your head above your emotions and see straight.

This is nothing to do with you. Beyond feeling delighted at the advantage your second son has received, and somewhat concerned that your first son might feel a bit miffed, there's no call for you to have any opinions about anyone else or anything else. It's none of your business. If your youngest son is over 18, it's already none of your business. Seriously. Don't go looking for drama where there is none!

18 and 24

An inheritance isn’t a present. It’s a dead family member passing on their wealth.

Very evasive.

That is why the real issue in all this inheritance talk was her behaviour rather than the other people involved.

Has your eldest son got a good job/ is he financially stable/ will he be able to get on the property ladder

I understand your worry, but siblings have very different lives very often, often determined by their jobs, which can be very different in wages, one a lawyer and another one a teacher, for exampke, and they will have different lives

The discussion with Holly evolved and the question is to her.

Is there anyway you can help your eldest to get on the property ladder?

I would prioritise that if it is possible.

I believe the OP said it's 120k. Which is a decent amount of money, but wouldn't even stretch to a studio flat in one of the cheaper areas of the city I live in. It's not exactly setting up the younger son for life.

Your youngest is 18… an adult. Stop meddling in his finances.

You have zero right to share the news of any of his money.

Indeed 120k wouldn’t buy a flat where I live even in the undesired area.

All you can do is leave everything to your older child. Your partner doesn't get a vote on what you do with your will.

You don't have to agree just because your partner says so.

Your opinions are just as valid as his.

Same goes re your own will too.

If I had bucket loads of money that I hadn't earned and my sibling didn't, I would understand if my parents left more to them instead. You can always leave a letter with your will explaining why.

Now, the OP leaving everything to only one of her children really would be a shitty thing to do.

Have I missed where o/p said it was £120k and the kids ages are 18 and 24 as I’ve scrolled and can’t see it 😂

yes all money in my house. Also your suggestion doesn’t sit right with me. The inequality between then comes from what they get in wills, and is outside of my control- , so I am just adding to an already unequal situation . I treat them the same in every day life- something I can control.

I was looking for this too! 😅