One child has inherited AGAIN

[EWAB]

A decade ago my younger son benefited from a massive inheritance.

Essentially my MiL bypassed her three children and left everything to her 6 grandchildren.

The grandchildren: 2 siblings, 3 siblings and my younger child.

SHE WAS ENTITLED TO DO AS SHE PLEASED. IT WAS HER MONEY.

The fallout was quite seismic for lots of reasons. My partner felt that as he only had one child the family of the brother with 3 children benefitted disproportionately.

It was said at the time and I believe this to be the case that the will was designed like this. to stop my elder child from a previous relationship from benefiting as he might have done 40/50 years later if the money had gone directly to my partner.

As for my relationship, my partner refused to consider changing our wills leaving more to elder child who was at the time very unlikely to inherit from his own father. He is now on property ladder but any inheritance will pale into insignificance compared with younger child’s

Well it’s happened again!

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

HE WAS ENTITLED TO DO WHAT HE WANTED WITH HIS OWN MONEY.

I genuinely can’t contemplate my two sons having such vastly different lives.

I want advice to come to terms with it . I have disabled voting. I can’t talk to anyone.

I woujld imagine its both surely, she knows its logical and right but is also upset about it

I think she is unreasonable but she clearly feels sorry for her older son.

Money ghouls? The MIL had a right to leave her money to her grandchildren.
The male relative who only left to male relatives sounds a dick to do that - but it was his money. It was his choice.
The fact is that OP and her partner may go through all sorts of life changes, as things happen. I have a will but I have a feeling anything in my home will
probably end up funding my care, such is the way the world seems to be going.
Yes, we should plan for the future and be as fair as we can but that’s all a person can do.
Blended families are difficult and there are no hard and fast rules.
OP was upset in a previous thread that her ex wanted to adopt a child who wasn’t his natural child, but now feels her new other half should leave more to his stepson than his own natural son.
All of this anger and sense of unfairness seeps into families and down to children who otherwise could live happily without it.
I have seen so many families torn apart by this stuff, and it’s not worth it. It brings such negativity and depleted resilience.
The more we learn about being independent, and finding our own paths, the better off we are.
I have also seen people who have received large sums literally blow them.
Enjoy your health, if you have it. Enjoy your family and the relationships you have with people you love and care about.
At the end of the day, taking personal offence on behalf of your children changes nothing.

I've met Jeff Bezos but I'm not sure that's how it works, sadly for me ;-)

Life is not fair. Some people never inherit anything, others nothing more than a few pounds. Google says 70-80% inherit nothing. Teach your own children to be proud of what they achieve themselves, not what they inherit.

It would also be unkind to "redress the balance" in your will, this could mean your other child thinks you loved them less.

If you have your own property, leave that to your eldest. Your husband doesn’t even need to know.

Your husband can’t have it both ways. He can’t tell you people can leave their estate to whom they wish and then tell you you shouldn’t leave your estate only to your eldest.

Your elder child is not a grand child to your MIL. Asking your partner to leave more to someone else's kid is just ridiculous. Be grateful he is getting anything. If you want your children to have fully equal lives don't have them with different men.

I would speak with my partner, and all my children, and advise them I am choosing to leave my inheritance to X to balance out the financial situation

This, if your able to, I couldn't not do it.

My children have different fathers, one will possibly inherit if no care fees etc. The other won't get anything.

I can't offer words of comfort, and my advice on how to move forward is: just continue as you are. Stop focusing on your pain, stop thinking about money, stop thinking about the disparity between your sons, just stop it all and move on.

What else can you do?

You're dwelling on something that you can't do anything about. Nobody has done anything wrong here. It's just an unfortunate set of circumstances (yes the result of your actions but I'm sure the joys of both boys outweigh the pain). There's no need to be dramatic about it, or for this to cause you "a lot of pain". What help would being in pain do to anyone? This is just one aspect of your relationship with them, and you will throw the baby out with the bathwater if you dwell on it.

Just move on. What's done can't be undone.

@EWAB Would your youngest share the inheritance with his brother?

I can understand why you feel a bit out of sorts however hopefully your elder son will come to accept that he and his brother have different families and as a result different inheritances.

I do think you need to accept this though. Your emotional reaction to money seems disproportionate.

siblings often have very different lives and incomes. Your younger son has just come into his wealth more easily than most.

maybe you need some counseling to help you understand why you are having such a very strong reaction to this?

Why would your son inherit from someone else's Grandma?

I'm a step child and I have no clue what my stepsisters inherited. It's not my business. Not my family.

I don't see the issue. Not to mention no one knows how life will turn out .

I'm the daughter of homeless drug addicts adopted from care.

I'm financially in a decent place.

I know former rich kids struggling with addictions who are pretty broke now as adults.

Money means very little in the end.

There are far more important legacies we leave behind.

I think that fortune and luck are just random. Inherited wealth is not something that happens in my family or my circle. I would look on it like a lottery win. You had a child with a ticket. I would feel pretty neutral about it. Like a lottery win, it's not necessarily a good thing. Life throws all kinds of random stuff at us. Health is what's important and worrying about some inherited money is not good for it.

It's normal for siblings to have completely different lives and financial situations though. They marry different partners and chose different professions etc. I have way more financial security than my sister even though she works equally hard.

The injustice here is towards the female grandchildren, not to your eldest.

I genuinely have no idea what you think is wrong here? Your older son is not your mother-in-law's grandchild nor anything to do with the Uncle. Why the hell would they give inheritance to your son?
Presumably your older son has his own dad and family to inherit from. Get a grip. Your son is not their responsibility, he's yours and his own fathers.

Of course she feels sorry for her son, I would too in this situation. But there’s an element of expectation in the OP that doesn’t align with the twice stated “their money their choice” comment.

OP, life isn't fair. 'Fairness' is a childish concept. It doesn't happen. Your dcs were born in the UK, I presume. That automatically makes their futures unfairly advantaged cf. all the kids born in less stable/prosperous countries.
Their health will be different. Their partners too. If you could buy them identical houses, you couldn't buy them identical neighbours. If they drove identical cars, they would hit different potholes. You could buy them lottery tickets, premium bonds, but you couldn't control the outcomes.
I think you will come to terms with this bit of luck for your youngest when you get past the idea of 'fair.'

My sister is married to someone and they have a very different lifestyle to me, my elder brother’s ex-wife came from a titled family. All of the differences between the lives of me and my siblings came about through choice of partner I suppose. I have literally just thought about it. We still get on but this seems different to me as the disparity has not come about from anything they did.

Your in pain because your older son is not inheriting from his step grandmother or step uncle. Are you serious?

Just because he married you and you came with child it doesn't mean you deserve wealth from his family. Are they rich is that what this is about? You don't sound right at all.

When I lived with my son’s dad, I insisted on being tenants in common and we both wrote our own wills. Mine said that a larger chunk of my share would go to my daughter from another relationship, and so did he’s (his daughter from another relationship) and that our son would benefit from the remainder of both our estates which roughly made up a third.
Anyway, it was a good idea at the time. We have split up now and my estate is split 50/50, with there dads I’m not sure what will happen. But I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to personally help one of them out more than the other and I think that is fine, hopefully the other child will understand when it comes too it.

This is going to happen in my extended family. The person who will inherit less has a very success career and the sibling much less so. Their parents have decided the sibling with the less good career will inherit 95%, the other just 5%.
The one inheriting less is devastated as to them it feels like the parents place a higher “value” on the main inheritor.
The one who is inheriting the 5% is pretty wealthy and had the will been 50/50, would have absolutely passed most of it over to their sibling, and told the parents so, but they’re adamant it’s to be 95/5. So now not only do they feel of lower value, but also that the parents don’t trust them to do the morally right thing. It’s caused a huge amount of hurt

Like PP said, life isn't fair. It gets easier once you (general you) accept that. The youngest shouldn't be made to share, none of this is his doing.

Ginnnny

I said that because obviously it’s true and because I wanted advice on my emotions and didn’t want what happened, a lot of posts saying my elder son isn’t related. I know that he isn’t.

Your issue is not the choice of partner. It's the choice of two partners from different backgrounds, then being surprised that the second one's family isn't that keen on passing family money to a child who is not related to them.

Honestly it might sound harsh and it's a bit of a case of hindsight being 20/20, but seriously, these issues could have been predicted or at least anticipated.

You said you're in pain that's strong. I hope you don't transfer your feelings to your son or else he will feel indifferent.