do all beneficiaries have to be paid at the same time

[Trebor57]

Hi,

Long story short , I lost my beloved Grandma in October 2023, she was in a care home so a lot of her money went towards that, however she did have a house that had only just been sold before she passed so all that was left.

Her Will instructions consist of her 4 Grandchildren (including me) getting £1000 each and the rest to be split equally between my mum and her sister who are both the executives ( after the costs this will result in about £70k each).

Me my brother and my mum and dad did everything for my grandma and loved her dearly, we would try so hard to convince her to upgrade her boiler, windows, spend money on taxis instead of trapsing around on the bus and spend money to improve her living and keeping herself warm, my mums sister on the other hand was the complete opposite and scare monger her into spending her money for her own advantage and barely bothered with her.

The day after My Grandma died she was already on about booking an appointment at the solicitors ( which i found very strange and distasteful) and has been constantly nagging at my mum to complain with her about how long the solicitors were taking to sort the probate out ETC, basically she is desperate for the money, that to be honest she doesn't really deserve, please don't think this post is about me not wanting her to have her 'fare share' or wanting her share for myself as my parents, myself and Brother all have our own money and always have done and would much preferred our Grandmother to have spent it on herself more.

Anyways just before Christmas, I received a letter from her solicitors advising me about the £1000 I have been left and to complete a FOA with my bank details so they can make that payment to me, I immediately shoved it in a drawer not ready to face up to what is the final chapter of My Dear Grandma's life/death.

Anyway much to my surprise I have had chase letters from the solicitors for this form, so I can only assume they wont get paid until they have paid everyone out,
But I am just wondering if anyone knows if all beneficiaries have to be paid at the same time, as we are all wondering if my mums sister has been nagging them for her payment?
( PS we don't really talk to my mums sister as she is not a very nice person so cant really ask her)

and to be honest if that is the case, I'm happy to leave it in the drawer for a while if she is that desperate for her mum who she treated terribly over the years money and to be honest my mum feels the same, call me petty I don't care

Anyone know from experience if it will make a difference me withholding my FOA?

not justifying your aunt, but not everyone wants to be at a death bed, what is the point?

oh so and so died surrounded by family - so what? i don't want my family with me when i die and i don't want a funeral, i see no point, i'll be dead

I know grief is hard but the only wishes you are delaying is that of your Grandmother.

You can disagree with her choice, but her will was HER will, and so by delaying it you are only delaying the carrying out of her final wishes.

Fill in the form and move on. If you don’t need or want the money, do something special with those who cared about her. Or give it to a charity in her name.

But don’t spitefully behave in this way and cause extra fees and admin for the lawyers. You can dislike her aunt and her influence but the will is the will and you’re only delaying that.

You’re driving up the cost to the estate, so reducing what is paid to both your mum and aunt.
Delaying won’t make your gran proud, or bring her back, or achieve anything except add an extra job for the lawyer to charge for.

One of the jobs of a grieving relative is to carry out their loved one's wishes in a timely and dignified manner.

Honestly - this. You're achieving nothing by shoving letters in a drawer and ignoring them. Just wasting other people's time and being irritating. Your grandma wanted you to have this money - spend the 2 mins it will take to pass on your details and focus on more positive aspects of your grandmother's life.

When my dad died I had two siblings who didn't attend the funeral (and has no contact other than xmas cards for a decade before - didn't even know he was ill or his wife had died). Zero help with clearing his home or sorting out the many things that needed to be done. No point getting annoyed about it - my other brother and I sorted it all out and passed on their rightful share to them as soon as we could.

It seems to be you who is overly concerned about inheritance. You're saying money doesn't matter, however it's the entire purpose of your thread. Your Grandma chose to leave your Aunt an equal share, it wasn't your Aunt's decision, therefore your anger is entirely misdirected.
One could be forgiven for thinking you're annoyed at getting 1k while your Aunt is getting 70k...

I had this when a relative died, I didn't want their money like you I wished they'd spent it on themselves to make their life better. There was also other people that benefitted that I strongly believe shouldn't, but it was my relatives wish that they did so I respect that.
So I had the money and used it to make some parts of my life easier and to also have the once in a lifetime memories my relative should have had.

I get you are upset but you are behaving in the same way your aunt is with both of you making it about yourselves.

you actually have no idea how your aunt feels or if she does or does not need the money

People grieve in different ways she may just be being practical. That maybe her way if dealing with things

stop being so petty and sign the forms

I don't think you are in a good head space. You are trying to punish your auntie for the death of her mum. It wasn't her fault.

Your auntie will not have been going anywhere with "an excited tone of voice" and is not being grabby, she is following the wishes of her mum. Your grandma appointed her as executor. You are preventing her from executing the will. Your grandma wanted your auntie to have some money. You are trying to prevent her from receiving it.

I know you are trying to take a moral stand in saying that you don't want or need the money, but by holding things up you are disrespecting the last wishes of your grandma. Return the form. Get the money and do something nice with it. Get away somewhere or buy a nice piece of jewellery you can wear every day and be reminded of her.

Yes, just fill it in and have done. IMO you are making an emotional drama about nothing. You don’t have to spend the money - put it into savings or PBs and forget about it.

Withholding the form won’t make any difference but will just reduce the estate each time they have to send a chasing letter (probably £100 a pop each).
Your GMs wishes will be carried out as she wanted, so don’t delay that.

I am very sorry for your loss.
But I don't see how refusing to sign the form will make things any better or that it will delay your aunt getting the money that your grandma wanted her to.
I would forget about your Aunt and just think that by signing the form and accepting the bequest you are doing what your grandma wanted you to do.
You could always buy something in her memory

Your Gran wanted you and the others to have the money. Why are you going against her final wishes? It's disrespectful. Your feelings about your Aunt are irrelevant in respect of distribution of assets. All you are doing is running up extra costs.

Couldn't be further from the truth, my Auntie has made some bad property investments and is desperate to make up for that, hence why she has been so pushy about the money and manipulating my Grandma to not spend her own money on things , without sounding crass my brother and I are both fairly comfortable ( as are my parents) which is why the thought of inheritance doesn't particularly excite us.

OP I'm sorry for your loss and that you've had to see family member's true colours. It's very sad but fairly common unfortunately.
Delaying it on purpose isn't the way to go, just get it done and move on. I'd recommend distancing yourself from these kind of people.
I hope you're OK...

Be a grown up

Just fill out the form and send it off and stop trying to create unnecessary drama on this. I bet the solicitor is shaking his/ her at this nonsense.

You're not going to achieve anything by delaying other than pissing everyone off.

Couldn't be further from the truth, my Auntie has made some bad property investments and is desperate to make up for that, hence why she has been so pushy about the money and manipulating my Grandma to not spend her own money on things , without sounding crass my brother and I are both fairly comfortable ( as are my parents) which is why the thought of inheritance doesn't particularly excite us.

So you'd rather the solicitor gets it through an increase in fees because you want to spite your aunt?

You and your mum can always donate your inheritance to a worthy cause that your grandmother would have liked. And you don't have to have anything to do with the woman after this.

The fact is your aunt was the equal of your mother in your grandmother’s eyes and is equally the beneficiary of her will. Your postponing does nothing in terms of denying your aunt her rightful inheritance- it just irritates the solicitor and makes you look disorganised and disruptive.

Because yours is a set amount they have to pay those out first because what's left is a percentage split . And that split can only done with the balance. It's possible that you not replying will hold everyone's else inheritance up.

Not returning the form will only delay your payment, not anyone else’s.

The money will be sitting, allocated, in the solicitors client account and will likely be manually transferred to each beneficiary as soon as each form is received. There is no basis for one beneficiary to hold up the others once everything is settled- the beneficiaries have a legal entitlement to the funds, like it or not

All you will be doing is making more of the money be spent paying the solicitor so, yes it will mean your aunt gets a little less, but so will the rest of you. What's really the point other than to be disrespectful of your grandma?

If you want to respect your grandmothers wishes, truly respect them, stop delaying. You may think your aunt is a dick. Your dm may think her sister is a dick. She may well be a dick. But your grandmother wanted her to inherit. Do right by your grandmother and ensure her wishes are carried out.

And that means quickly - unless there was something in her will that said make sure to give the solicitors tons of extra cash?

Just fill the form so you can stop thinking about this aspect of it. Get it over with and then you can just think about your grandmother without anything else hanging over you.

I'm sure everytime the solicitor has to send you a letter the estate is charged for it, if that's the case your taking money from your own mother, your money will be protected!

You're being childish, spitefully delaying hoping it'll irritate your aunt. You may not like her, but she is your grandmother's daughter and your grandmother loved her.

The solicitor will charge for their time including all the letters they send you and this will come out of the estate. So all you're doing here is spending your inheritance on a solicitor. And no they don't have to be paid at the same time. If you don't reply after a set number of letters they'll crack on without you. It's their job to pay you the money so they will make a decent effort to do so but not carry on forever