mentally draining partner in denial or just a twat

[Tivvi]

currently silently crying in bed as my partner goes off to work..daily his alarm goes off at least 15 times (sometimes 5am or 6am) to be snoozed and go off every 3 or 5 minutes to be snoozed and snoozed again until i, the light sleeper, am driven to the edge of insanity.
upon asking please get up and stop this its very stressful, he giggles or sometimes says stfu. the baby (2 year old) wakes up sometimes to his alarm which massively triggers me cause i asked him to stop this, to no avail.
sometimes he will hump his entire body into me and as i am very annoyed at this behaviour he doesn't understand thats the last thing i want (just go the hell to work at this point)
because i was annoyed, this time he giggled and stuck his phone light on max brightness torch mode and got slowly dressed in our bedroom which was to try to further annoy me as he usually also get dressed for work in here unless he's feeling extra dickish.
he then sought out a strong cologne and sprayed it all over himself (as i said don't you do that) (pregnant here and also its not fair or healthy to fill our fresh air with cologne) then proceeded to spray it just over my legs in bed and left the room grinning smugly..

this is a small piece of how this man is petty and driving me completely insane. it seems small but i promise you the competitive nature in him wants to always win and be a bastard to me if i have actual good reasons to think (and dare i say) he is being annoying on purpose or just plain selfish.

im not crying anymore, i just needed to let this stuff out and i often tell him i could make this shit into a tv show or movie of how terribly sociopathic this mindset he has is.
catch my story in hollywood someday i swear. until then i am constantly being given grey hairs for this man's entertainment or petty responses.

he always says he loves me but doesn't know theres a line and crosses it daily to annoy me for fun and says its my fault i get annoyed but this is probably gaslighting tbh and really insults my intelligence because i know he's got the petulance in abundance and lives in denial or just can't actually see what an intolerable shart he can be for shits and giggles.

ty for reading my rant

His dad was abusive, he's abusive, staying with him means your poor children will also become part of the cycle, as abused/abusers or both.

This 👆

I don't understand this either. Every day, thread after thread of women having more babies to useless men. Is the desire to have babies more than common sense?

He's batshit and he's gaslighting. Think very carefully about your future with this absolute idiot.x

Another one to send home to his mummy.

If he was a dog, no one would take him and eventually someone would put him down. You are not a rehab station. You do not owe him being annoyed and tired by his deliberate actions every single day in the hope he will change - WHY are you hoping he will change? He thinks waking you up and pissing you off is a fun way to start the day. You need to WAKE UP. The only change you can hope for is the one you can make where you say I’m not happy, you make no effort, my love and hopes for us are dead and I am shortly going to have two children to look after - that is my focus and I have zero fucks to give for you. You already give zero fucks for me so you know exactly what I mean.

I am always shocked by what women have to put up with. You say yourself he has broken. You can't fix him. I'm really sorry but this is who he is and he is not going to change. In fact any change will be for the worse.

Can you not see OP that you are on track to giving your DC the same fucked up miserable and unhealthy childhood he had?

If you want to help him, leave him so he can actually start growing up and hopefully become a half decent father and ex husband.

He may be competitive OP but if he did anything like he is doing to you in work he would be sacked for bullying. He sounds awful.

Give love a chance? He doesn't love you OP, it sounds like he doesn't even likes you. People who love you don't treat you like this.

Wise up

Why do men with difficult backgrounds get to be arseholes to their female partners? Statistically as many women must also come from such situations, but we never hear of them demanding dinner on the table or deliberately sabotaging other people's sleep. Or men putting up with it because she might go back to how she was when they first met.

These men bank on the fact they think you won't ever leave.

He needs to know that the only relevance his difficult background has, is he's creating a difficult background for you and his kids now.

If you were my daughter, I'd come and get you. Life is too precious to waste it with this idiot.

And a bully.

Using the child as a weapon by not putting his name on his own child's birth certificate doesn't exactly afford OP the moral high ground. Right that's it, I'm not putting your name on your child's birth certificate now so neer neer!

i am very strong

Then prove it and leave him. He's abusive. He's not 'teasing' or 'attention-seeking'. He's emotionally abusing and controlling you.

Op he is abusive.

You remember how nice he used to be and you try to get back to that. But the reality is the nice man was an act to hook you. Once you had his child he had a grip so dropped the act.

It's not your job to fix him. You won't be able to we can only fix ourselves.

So what if he was abused as a child. Does that mean he can model these behaviours for your children and they go on to do the same to their children? Many many people have shitty childhoods and don't turn out abusive. If he had anxiety or anger issues from it he would be seeking support and trying to change he would NOT be smirking with pleasure when he is INTENTIONALLY upsetting you. He's not doing that because he doesn't know any better he's doing it because he enjoy ms it and is a horrible person.

Don't take comments like "why have a second/child with him" to heart. And don't feel shame or guilt you have had children with such a man. They trick us and manipulate us. I had an abusive partner who hid it until I was pregnant, he has light the fuck out of me and had me believing I was too sensitive and I was the problem while forcing my to get pregnant with my second child very soon after the first. Your kids are close together and I expect you have had your hormones blamed for being hurt and have started to believe this yourself half the time. The mental fuckery is slow and insidious and the point of it is to break your boundaries and keep you too weak to leave. This is his fault not yours.

Now you are crying in the morning. All the cortisol from stress will be felt by the baby. Your older child is being woken by his alarm and sees you stressed. You acknowledge in your post he's smirking and taking please from your hurt. And you have loads of feedback here saying this isn't ok you shouldn't accept treatment like this from a partner and should protect your children from it. Now if you don't leave then you will hold some responsibility for failing yourself and your children.

There will be a wealth of practical advice on here. Post again asking for that and you will get brilliant advice and supporting comments to actually leave
Do you work? Do you have access to money? Is the house rented or owned whos name is on the mortgage or rental contract? Are you married? Do you have family or friends who can support you? This comment is long so I will stop but I have loads of advice on the practicalities of leaving and I've seen lots of threads where an OP asks for this info and the wonderful women of mumsnet provide it. These posts have a very different reaction because we want to support a woman leaving and doing the best for her children, you get sympathy understanding and advice. People tend to comment rather bluntly and nastily when an op describes abuse where there are children and isn't talking about leaving. The tone comes from care and concerns for your children. If you care for your children you will not baulk at the time of some of these comments and really think through what people are saying to you

I think sadly research shows many of these girl children grow up to to be the abused woman. I can't comment on OP childhood but often abuse is hard to spot when it was always your normal as a child and these poor woman get a pile on when they come here for help.

I agree with you though. Men get allowance ls made and turn their pain into hurting others women rarely react that way

Just leave

It's not your responsibility to fix him. You will destroy yourself in the process and now another poor wee child is getting brought into this mess

That's not petty. That's mean spirited and abusive. In my experience, it will not get better. Please, consider leaving before it gets worse and before your older child completely sees this as a normal interaction.

Do you have family you can move in with? Or kick him out if that’s a possibility. He’s awful.

Oh for goodness sake op, he is an abusive twat.

Leave him and protect your kids from growing up to watch this shit show.

Break the cycle for their sakes!

He's an abusive twat who is actually laughing AT you while he abused you. You deserve better and your kids deserve to not see their mother being disrespected.

This.
But his face instead of alarm clock.

Christ, you married a playground bully. An absolutely childish arsehole of a boy man. The sniggering ( let's NOT call this giggles) is not from humour , but from enjoyment at bullying you! That's NOT banter and carry on between a couple as I would recognise it. That's nasty.
You poor thing . His personality will not change . This is it .
Now you have to decide . Are you going to endure being trapped in the playground with the school bully for the rest of your life?