mentally draining partner in denial or just a twat

[Tivvi]

currently silently crying in bed as my partner goes off to work..daily his alarm goes off at least 15 times (sometimes 5am or 6am) to be snoozed and go off every 3 or 5 minutes to be snoozed and snoozed again until i, the light sleeper, am driven to the edge of insanity.
upon asking please get up and stop this its very stressful, he giggles or sometimes says stfu. the baby (2 year old) wakes up sometimes to his alarm which massively triggers me cause i asked him to stop this, to no avail.
sometimes he will hump his entire body into me and as i am very annoyed at this behaviour he doesn't understand thats the last thing i want (just go the hell to work at this point)
because i was annoyed, this time he giggled and stuck his phone light on max brightness torch mode and got slowly dressed in our bedroom which was to try to further annoy me as he usually also get dressed for work in here unless he's feeling extra dickish.
he then sought out a strong cologne and sprayed it all over himself (as i said don't you do that) (pregnant here and also its not fair or healthy to fill our fresh air with cologne) then proceeded to spray it just over my legs in bed and left the room grinning smugly..

this is a small piece of how this man is petty and driving me completely insane. it seems small but i promise you the competitive nature in him wants to always win and be a bastard to me if i have actual good reasons to think (and dare i say) he is being annoying on purpose or just plain selfish.

im not crying anymore, i just needed to let this stuff out and i often tell him i could make this shit into a tv show or movie of how terribly sociopathic this mindset he has is.
catch my story in hollywood someday i swear. until then i am constantly being given grey hairs for this man's entertainment or petty responses.

he always says he loves me but doesn't know theres a line and crosses it daily to annoy me for fun and says its my fault i get annoyed but this is probably gaslighting tbh and really insults my intelligence because i know he's got the petulance in abundance and lives in denial or just can't actually see what an intolerable shart he can be for shits and giggles.

ty for reading my rant

“he's really my patient i am slowly treating”
This stood out for me. It is not your responsibility to fix him. You are entitled to a happy life of your own with someone who loves and respects you. Are you going to allow your children to grow up thinking this is normal? It’s not. He is an abusive bully. He will treat the children the same way. Get out now. Protect them and protect yourself. He is responsible for the man he chooses to be, not you.

He sounds vile and an abusive arsehole. Why are you choosing to bring a second child into this awful situation? What are you thinking of? If you can leave him please do so as soon as possible and don't attempt another relationship until you have learned to love and respect yourself and set your bar far higher than this.

If you stay, you'll have two kids who grow up to be like him, as you're showing them that it's behaviour to put up with.

did you have good, healthy relationships around you growing up OP? Because yours is horribly abusive and you don’t seem to recognise it.

To give you a point of reference, my DH had the day off last week but I had to get up early and commute for a meeting. As soon as my alarm went off (once!) I turned it off. Before I could even get out of my bed my DH had grabbed his dressing gown and gone to make me a tea to drink while I was getting ready, even though he could have just stayed in bed. That is love, what your DH does is not.

How he treats you isn't petty stuff. You are allowing someone to abuse you every day. You cannot and will never fix him. You are raising children who will learn how to either be abusive or how to be abused. Irresponsible!!!

You're pregnant, kick him in the spare room or on the sofa when he has to be up for work the next day - he's treating this as a joke and it's not. You need to tell him that this has literally had you in tears and is not funny.

in the meantime he's really my patient i am slowly treating which is very akin to rehabilitating a damaged and ill treated dog

posts like this make me want to weep about the messages some women receive about their role.

if you as an adult have chosen to sacrifice your entire being to fix a man that’s on you. you do you (you’re wrong btw, he’s not a poorly little boy, he’s just your bog standard misogynistic cunt). However your children have absolutely not made this choice & you have no right to sacrifice their good to this utter bellend

Pregnant, toddler, unmarried, not working and living with a bullying prick? Op, I think you need to focus more on working on yourself rather than him, you've put yourself in a very vulnerable position. I hope you are financially independent at least and aren't reliant on him?

This seems quite abusive actually, I wouldn’t stay with him.

Yes, he's a twat/bully/abuser @Tivvi , it is abuse, not messing around, teasing, it's abuse. Your DC will watch and learn, they'll be the school bully who the other kids dislike, you'll be worn down to nothing and he'll still think it's funny.
He may have had a bad childhood, he needs professional help to get over that but he doesn't get to punish you to make himself feel better. Run Op, for your sake and your childrens

All I can say is what a nasty man. Id think about whether you want your DC to grow up thinking this is normal. It's very disrespectful and shocking

I am telling you now:
Your toddler loves him now, but they will hate him when they are a teenager. I absolutely promise you this.
Also regardless, if your toddler loves him day to day now, it is better for your toddler in the long run to not see a relationship like this and think it's normal.
Plus, your toddler loves him - great! He can still be a father on his custody time after you break up.
No man who takes pleasure in teasing someone who is clearly distressed and has begged them to stop can be a good father though. It's sick. Why would you enjoy someone else getting upset and annoyed unless there is something deeply wrong with you.

Crikey. He would be under the patio the first week he did this. I need sleep

My solution
Hide a big hammer under the bed. Tomorrow morning when he presses the snooze button for a second time - smash the bloody alarm clock to bits ( Not after the first snooze, I'm not unreasonable!) Tell him he is a self important arse (alternative words can be substituted) and unless he is prepared to change he will be on his own.

@Tivvi
Sleep depravation is used as a form of torture.

5 months pregnant, toddler at home, you need to be able to sleep.
Serious conversation needed here OP. It's hard with one it's harder with 2 at the beginning as you learn to split your time.
Good luck with your 3 kids!

I totally agree with @Catza

I hate the snooze button - gives me the rage!

If I got woken up I'd just get up and give up on sleeping and all the bs that goes with his passive aggression. If you're not there to annoy, then IMO you've won that day. If he is as you say, it might take him a few days to register but then I bet he changes something to put you on the back foot again.

I'd be looking at getting up as an opportunity to have so peaceful time to yourself of a morning. Nice hot drink, read a book / magazine etc. Definitely don't do anything for him, he can get himself ready.

You do not ever have to be in a relationship with terrible naïve aliens. You owe them nothing. And he’s not actually an alien, he’s a human being who cannot be arsed considering your wants or your needs. You really need to free yourself of being actively inconvenienced every day.

He was never lovely. He's a bullying, immature, selfish twat. And lazy.

Well said.

Sounds like he's 14 years old...wait my autistic son is 14 and although he tests my patience frequently he wouldn't do anything like your piece of shit partner does to you. He sounds like a sociopath and he will educate his children to become like him. They just have to watch how dad treats mum. No empathy whatsoever. LTB even if you're pregnant. You will feel better on your own and your children need to be protected against this vile person. He will be too lazy to go after 50:50.

He needs to do the work to change himself, not you. You can't change him. You will always feel like this unless he decides he needs to change.

When people talk about "doing the hard work" to change, they mean themselves, the individual who is wanting to change, not hard work for everyone around them.

My exh was similar with the repeated alarms. Showers at 6 am in the en suite with the door open. Lots of deodorant /aftershave. It was blatant lack of respect. Is this the example you want for your dc to be around? Have you a spare room? Or a new address would be better... When my exh left (thrown out) life became massively improved...

He is an absolute dick.
If you won't leave, sleep separately and go to bed early as if you're all up at 5.

I read something that brought me a lot of clarity on having a husband who went from loving, to annoying, to outright emotionally and psychologically abusive.

Love is a doing word.

Words are honestly meaningless, everything you need to know about how he sees you is in his actions. I stopped tolerating that sort of behaviour and on the road to divorce this year. Honestly you deserve peace in your life and he is robbing you of that intentionally.