mentally draining partner in denial or just a twat

[Tivvi]

currently silently crying in bed as my partner goes off to work..daily his alarm goes off at least 15 times (sometimes 5am or 6am) to be snoozed and go off every 3 or 5 minutes to be snoozed and snoozed again until i, the light sleeper, am driven to the edge of insanity.
upon asking please get up and stop this its very stressful, he giggles or sometimes says stfu. the baby (2 year old) wakes up sometimes to his alarm which massively triggers me cause i asked him to stop this, to no avail.
sometimes he will hump his entire body into me and as i am very annoyed at this behaviour he doesn't understand thats the last thing i want (just go the hell to work at this point)
because i was annoyed, this time he giggled and stuck his phone light on max brightness torch mode and got slowly dressed in our bedroom which was to try to further annoy me as he usually also get dressed for work in here unless he's feeling extra dickish.
he then sought out a strong cologne and sprayed it all over himself (as i said don't you do that) (pregnant here and also its not fair or healthy to fill our fresh air with cologne) then proceeded to spray it just over my legs in bed and left the room grinning smugly..

this is a small piece of how this man is petty and driving me completely insane. it seems small but i promise you the competitive nature in him wants to always win and be a bastard to me if i have actual good reasons to think (and dare i say) he is being annoying on purpose or just plain selfish.

im not crying anymore, i just needed to let this stuff out and i often tell him i could make this shit into a tv show or movie of how terribly sociopathic this mindset he has is.
catch my story in hollywood someday i swear. until then i am constantly being given grey hairs for this man's entertainment or petty responses.

he always says he loves me but doesn't know theres a line and crosses it daily to annoy me for fun and says its my fault i get annoyed but this is probably gaslighting tbh and really insults my intelligence because i know he's got the petulance in abundance and lives in denial or just can't actually see what an intolerable shart he can be for shits and giggles.

ty for reading my rant

He has 'great potential '??? He's supposed to be your partner, not a project that may be fixed or maybe not. How is he any use to you if you're trying to fix him. THIS IS WHO HE IS. He doesn't want to change and won't change. Relationships aren't about one side changing or fixing the other one who has potential to be a good partner. Find an actual adult who IS a good partner.

This, deliberately ruining sleep or using torches to shine at you, spraying cologne on you that he knows will make you nauseous... saying this is just the tip of thd iceberg...

It is a form of torture and abuse.

Is this what you really want for the rest of your life?

At first, I thought get him a vibrating alarm for under his pillow, but reading further he is downright horrible. He thinks he’s funny, but he’s an abusive jerk and will drag you down until you can’t see what’s happening to you. Please leave.

Love this.

People don't realise how draining it is to be chipped away at daily by behaviours like this.... then have it minimised, it is gaslighting and abuse

He's a gaslighting immature twat and you need to leave.

Confide in a trusted family member or friend
Speak to your local Domestic Abuse team who can support you

Please don't stay with him he sounds like a fucking arsehole and you and your baby deserve better

He knows exactly what he's doing. You're seeing this from a normal rational person's point of view. Thinking he can't possibly know how what he's doing is affecting you because you would never be so unkind or cruel. But he knows. And even if he didn't know (he does), you have told him. Repeatedly. So you have it confirmed. He knows what he is doing. He knows it disturbs you and his child. He's not stopping and he is smuggly smiling about it. This isn't about an annoying act that he does. This is about an inherently horrible person to the core. You would never do it, so why make excuses for another grown adult? If his boss told him to stop doing something, do you think he would continue to do it while smuggly grinning in their face? Of course not.

And of course he was nice at first. You wouldn't have stayed if he started off showing you the twat that he is.

Get out. Life will be better. Honestly.

Tell him you are sleeping in the spare room until he starts behaving like an adult or you are leaving him

If he wants food on the table when he gets in I would just stick something in the slowcooker and he can eat whenever he wants.

Also to check- do you work OP? You are saying partner so presume you aren't married. What is the house situation, who name is it in, renting or mortgage?
You need to protect yourself financially as well as mentally. He's treating you like a skivvy to run about after him.
Don't do it.

He does not love you. This is not love. He is enjoying torturing you. It is sadistic. Please contact woman s aid and speak to your midwife to get help to leave.

Exactly this. They will be witnessing abuse, bulling and unhealthy relationship dynamics and will then replicate these in their lives. Plus sociopatcic behaviour on his part. Yup see the target now, your children will either become another target or he will be using them to further abuse you, because he won't see this as anything wrong in his distorted world.

He is broken, fundamentally broken and nobody can fix him, perhaps he doesn't even want to be fixed. You need to work on your rescuer syndrome. If you read about the brain development you will learn that only up to 25 years of age the certain parts of the brain can change, and if someone didn't mature before that age it will never happen. He can be charming as fuck, and will be, he can promise you world and he will, but it will be short lived and you will be back to square one crying in bed before you even know.

If you don't want to leave for your sake, do I for your children.

He’s petty and immature and you need to leave.

Can you confide in someone in real life? You sound like you need support to understand that you are being abused as you don't seem to see it at all. It's isn't normal to tolerate this kind of behaviour but maybe it has been normalised for you through childhood.
Your poor child - children - to have to live with this man. Such a shame

He’s a bullying controlling abusive cunt and you’re not a therapist to train a wanker to behave better. No wonder you’re drained.

Hes a fully formed adult not a toddler who just needs a bit of a push in the right direction. He’s a complete and utter selfish twat - that’s who he is and he gets off on seeing you suffer.

Why the fuck bring kids into an abusive relationship? You say about his parents but you’re repeating the cycle.

He can’t be fixed - get out before he wears you down and your kids think this is his relationships are supposed to be

Exactly this... would he do it to his mother, brother, father, random person, boss, friend or colleague? Then why you?

@Agix it can take time to get there. Your posts are bullying and reductive.

He tells you to "STFU"? That was enough for me. The rest of it is of course absolutely abhorrent abuse, but this initial level of disdain and disrespect is enough.

Do you really want your children to grow up in an environment where a man speaks to and treats a woman like this? Do you not worry about the impact of his behaviour on them?

He is not your rehabilitation project, if he wants to change he needs to take responsibility for that. You and your children deserve better. Your toddler may adore him, that's fine, that's what shared custody is for.

Is this what you want to model to your children, how a relationship should be? Also speechless you decided to have another child with this person. You defend him in your subsequent posts (I love the ‘he’s a good dad’ bullshit).

There’s no way I would put up with this behaviour. Raise your bar.

Horrible. You can’t just decide to fix a bullying man child like an old house, OP, regardless of how much potential you see - he can only fix himself.

He’s not your ‘patient’, he’s your partner, and you’re about to throw another baby and a hell of a lot more stress and insomnia into the mix. Life with two small children will be hard enough, but if all he’s going to do is disturb what little sleep you’re getting, wind you up and heckle from the sidelines, then it’ll be a hell of a lot easier without him.

This is so sad. So it will just continue then. You are allowing his behaviour, just like his mum did with his dad. Your post is full of excuses for him. How does he have great potential when his behaviour has gotten worse?

THIS.

There's nothing normal about this at all! It sounds like sadistic and he's getting kicks out of upsetting you

Its not petty what he is doing.

What is your financial situation?

I can't be loud enough about this: you cannot fix him. Even people who want to change find it very hard, and only they can do it. What will you do when he starts doing this to your kids? Get out and find someone who likes you, as this idiot clearly does not.

At best he's a nasty bully.
The lack of respect and consideration is clear.

Seriously, peg him out and leave him for the ants. Someone like this should not be near you or your children