Grandparents and baby names

[garciacherry]

My parents are constantly pressuring us to tell them what we are thinking of naming our unborn child, and saying we should use X Y Z names, that it has to be a strong name, giving opinions on names they think are awful (some of which we like!), etc.

Whenever they suggest a specific name, it makes us want to strike it off our list, as I don't want my parents to think they have named our child and them grow up being told that grandma/ grandad gave them their name.

Is this petty? AIBU to tell them that we will choose a name and announce it when our child is born, and that they need to stop all discussion about names?

"We have chosen the name and want to keep it secret till the birth, so please stop going on about this - it is getting annoying!" Every time they bring it up, say "Remember Mum, we have already chosen the name."

I have 7 GC and have zipped the lip every time - on one occasion a name was being floated and I loved it, but they chose another. And on another occasion the name being floated was grim, and thank goodness they chose another. But no comment or opinion passed my lips!!!

YANBU

They had their time parenting and making these types of decisions. It’s time for them to step back and allow you the same privileges they had.

And stamp this out now so they know boundaries with regards to your kids/ your parenting decisions.

Every time MIL suggested a name I thanked her and told her I'd put it into the hat. The idea being I'd just pull a name out when the baby was born.
She didn't know what to make of it and pretty much gave up. She couldn't even object to my system as they were all names she'd suggested! 😂

Tell her this.

I've popped you a PM ☺️

Sorry, wrong thread - I haven't popped you a PM 🤦‍♀️😂

OP they are picking up indecision from you - you need to come across as more certain in your choices (even if you don't feel it).

We picked a fake (and awful) name choice and firmly insisted on repeat that that was what we were going with. It shut down the conversation as GPs got bored. Then after DC arrived we announced the actual name as a done deal.

Tell her this.

"Mum, every time you suggest a name you like, I cross it off our list. You've had your chance to name your children. Now it's our turn. We'll decide between the two of us and you'll find out when the baby is born."

Going against the grain but isn't it normal to discuss names? They're just excited. It doesn't sound like they're trying to force anything on you?
I also think you're being petty crossing names off just because they suggested it!
If you don't like it just tell them you have a name but don't want to tell anyone until the baby is here.

Why don't you tell them you've already chosen a name. If they go on about you telling them, you say it's an absolute secret but if they don't tell anyone at all you will tell them. Then just tell them something random (maybe even one of "their" names). They stop going on about it and when baby is born you say "oh, decided that didn't suit them and we've chosen xxxx".

On this occasion, lie.

”We have already picked a name between us that we are very happy with. We will announce their name on their arrival. This is a special private time between my husband and I and we are enjoying the process and bonding with/preparing for our baby. I won’t be taking any further suggestions or enquiries. You named your own children, this is my turn and my mind won’t be changed. I can’t wait for you to meet them and learn their name when it’s time”

I had this a little from my own mum, but I shut her down quickly with my lack of enthusiasm for her suggestions. She also assumed I wanted/would have a daughter and was a little put out when she found out I was carrying a boy. I shut down that negative response immediately too. My MIL was keen for a grandson but only made that apparent after she knew what sex I was carrying and after a small celebratory exclamation never once mentioned it again. She also never offered up name suggestions.

She's annoyed because her parents have told people they named their other grandchildren. And she doesn't want them doing that. It's not the same as just offering names up

Depends on you family culture, doesn't it?

My family just doesn't do chit chat about such decisions. The basic assumption is that they'll be told when we're good and ready, and talk about other things. We're also quite un-woo or traditional as a family, so all the superstitious bollocks isn't a thing.

My husband's family were obsessed with guessing the sex (I was quite pleased that the uniform guess of girl was wrong because they were pissing me off), and three separate family members suggested Oliver as a name, "something different and original".

@TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis I wish my family were more like yours! (Sounds like your husband's make up for it though - luckily we only have it on one side too - my husband's family are a dream as far as stuff like this goes!)

‘You named your kid(s) we name our kid(s)’. End of discussion

or give them a name for a boy and girl (unless they are aware you know the sex) that you have no intention of using just to shut them up and tell them those are the names you’ve decided and that’s that.

Do this. Problem solved.

Tell them a false name to piss them off and keep them busy till the baby arrives.
Let them get worked up about it. Then when you do announce your baby's name they'll be so relieved it will all go away.

Or they'll tell everyone "they were going to call her Eieoe but we talked them out of that"

We just came up with two fairly outlandish names and any time we were asked it was going to be A for a boy or B for a girl. Deadpan faces. Friends and family got the same message and clearly didn't know what to think but then we didn't get the level of grief you're describing.

Everyone was pretty relieved when we announced something normal. Apart from one friend who had spent quite some time telling us how much they disliked a name given to a relative and had to row back somewhat when we used the same name... :)

I'd just start practicing your most firm tone of voice that implies this is not up for discussion. Whether you say the list under consideration is now closed is up to you. You'll need the stern look with overbearing parents and inlays when the baby is born and in due course, you'll need a "look and tone" that brooks no argument with your own child so you might as well perfect it now. 😂My sister is a primary school teacher and she could freeze water with a look. It's a gift!

They had their time parenting and making these types of decisions. It’s time for them to step back and allow you the same privileges they had.

They may have had a GP choice foisted on them. You don't know they had a privilege.

They had their time parenting I hate this phrase - it's used to try to limit any pleasure a GP might have with a GC, you can never do anything with them that they mightn't have done before, let them taste any food that they mightn't have had before, buy them anything that the mother hasn't already approved. Great was to develop a strong GP/GC bond!

Why not make it a fun discussion? Everyone suggesting loads of names-that's what we did.

But then I don't get name angst.

Could be the start of an overbearing grandparent. We had similar with names but then it moved onto every other aspect of raising a baby/child. Nip it in the bud!

We’ve chosen a name, I don’t want to hear any suggestions. Thanks.

What is it?

Steve. It’s Steve. So no more suggestions thanks.

What if it’s a girl?

Steve. It’s Steve. So no more suggestions thanks

The only comment about names I made to dd when she was pregnant was don’t tell anyone what names you’re considering because their response may spoil it for you.

Amusingly I did tell dsis a name I was considering for dd, she was so disgusted with the name that she suggested l name my dc xxx( a name I knew she hated) and be done with it.
When the MW who delivered dd introduced herself she had the exact name dsis hated, I chuckled between contractions but couldn’t tell the MW why.