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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say this is selfish from my friend ?

75 replies

runallthewayhome · 09/01/2025 12:44

we had already arranged to go out saturday night
she has then asked me what I am doing saturday day and if I will go out all day with her
she has then asked me what I am doing friday night (I know her, the 'what are you doing' was leading up to asking me to do something. It always is).

I have DH & DC at home. She knows that.

AIBU to say I think she is being selfish asking me to spend friday night, all day saturday and saturday night with her ?

I work FT M-F

Please no one say that I should think it's a compliment that she thought of me when she was thinking who should she spend her free time with, She is looking for someone/anyone.

OP posts:
TangerineClementine · 09/01/2025 12:45

Just say no OP.

Talipesmum · 09/01/2025 12:46

It’s not exactly selfish - it’s more blinkered. Just say you’re busy, plans with family. Just because she asks doesn’t mean you have to agree to do anything.

Pancakeflipper · 09/01/2025 12:46

I think she's asking a question if you wznt to meet. She mightvthink you want to be out having fun. Say "no , sorry, see you on ..."

Is there context to this ?

CeffylCoch · 09/01/2025 12:46

It's not selfish, you can just say no

flumposie · 09/01/2025 12:47

Say you are unable to, stick to the original plan.

peppermintgreengrass · 09/01/2025 12:48

How terrible of her to ask if you want to spend time together, complete with the option to say no…

Fundays12 · 09/01/2025 12:49

She is being quite short sighted. I have a friend that often asks me to meet on Christmas eve. I always say no. She hasn't got kids and I do so I don't expect her to understand the importance of Christmas eve particularly when you have kids. Just tell her what you have planned with your DH those days.

Original poster
runallthewayhome · 09/01/2025 12:51

I've said a firm no !

I just cannot fathom how she thinks that after me working all week, dropping off//picking up at 3 schools every day, running the house and doing long hours (she knows all this) that she thinks I don't want to see my DH or DC at the w/e and I would happily drop my family to spend all my time with her.

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 09/01/2025 12:51

Gosh there's quite an arrogance about someone who thinks that she's doing her friend a favour by spending time with her.

Accept the invitations you want and politely decline those you don't.

Reetpetitenot · 09/01/2025 12:52

Hardly selfish. You've said no, so surely that's the end of the matter.

Original poster
runallthewayhome · 09/01/2025 12:54

@Fundays12 that is exactly it - short sighted. My friend has DC and also has the school run, works long hours etc.

OP posts:
Nevergettheusername · 09/01/2025 12:55

Say no, I’m seeing you Saturday night, remember?

Original poster
runallthewayhome · 09/01/2025 12:56

@Reetpetitenot yes it is the end. I just cannot fathom how my friend thinks I would want to drop my family for her all the time/not see my family to go out with her all the time.

or is it indeed selfish. She is clearly at a lose end on these days/eves and wants company, regardless.

OP posts:
IlooklikeNigella · 09/01/2025 12:57

I'm not seeing how it makes her selfish. "Flat out but looking forward to seeing you Saturday night" "Flat out with what?" "Life"

Pancakeflipper · 09/01/2025 12:58

It's an offer. Not a summons.
I don't see the selfishness.

Maybe irritating if it's every week.

Original poster
runallthewayhome · 09/01/2025 12:59

@Fundays12 I don't understand why your friend keeps asking you to meet on Christmas eve. She knows you have DC, she knows you are going to do something with them. So why keep on asking you ? I just find it bizarre

OP posts:
OhBling · 09/01/2025 12:59

I think youbarr being ridiculous and I can only assume there are other issue with this friend.

She asked, you said no. No big deal. I could totally imagine a friend suggesting this to me if she was free (or me if I was- but I never am!) But totally understanding if it's not possible.

Dinoswearunderpants · 09/01/2025 12:59

this post is so confusing. If she's a good friend, what difference would it make you inviting her over to stay and spend time with your family. You could then also spend some one on one time too.

Are you close or not? If she's not a close friend then yes that's a lot of time to request to be together.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 09/01/2025 13:01

Every day, a poster on MN finds something new and creative to take offence to. It’s actually quite inspiring.

Original poster
runallthewayhome · 09/01/2025 13:01

@OhBling no other issues. She asked, I said no. We will go out sat night together. It's just bizarre to think that I would leave DH & DC for most of the weekend to randomly bugger off with a friend. If it was a weekend away for a birthday etc then that is different.

OP posts:
applemash · 09/01/2025 13:02

I mean, it IS a bit weird to expect your friends to see you Friday night, all day Saturday and again Saturday evening when you have commitments at home.

However, I would just say no. If they kept on and on about it I would probably ask them why they wanted to as that is excessive for a weekend when you have kids and family.

Its weird.

Original poster
runallthewayhome · 09/01/2025 13:02

@ForZanyAquaViewer why, thank you !

OP posts:
OhBling · 09/01/2025 13:06

runallthewayhome · 09/01/2025 13:01

@OhBling no other issues. She asked, I said no. We will go out sat night together. It's just bizarre to think that I would leave DH & DC for most of the weekend to randomly bugger off with a friend. If it was a weekend away for a birthday etc then that is different.

Ita really not that bizarre. I can think of multiple situations off top of my head where this might happen.

Friend is one you don't see often.
There's a specific event or activity that takes up plenty of time.
Friend is going through something and needs extra support - practical or emotional.
I am going through something and need time away from family responsibilities

lemontova · 09/01/2025 13:07

Nobody is being selfish but I think you're being a bit of a dick with this attitude and I find it bizarre that anyone would react like this with a friend. No doubt if she realised how outraged and offended you would be at a social invitation she would stop asking.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/01/2025 13:08

I think it’s fine for her to ask! And fine to say no as you have done.

I wouldn’t call it selfish.

I wouldn’t even say thoughtless, as she has simply asked not assumed at all.

A pp is closest I think by saying “blinkered”, but again I don’t think she has to think it all through from your pov before asking, as you can just say no, as you have done. It not really sensible for her to have to guess before asking.

For all she knew, you might have been really feeling like a longer break from husband and kids.