Toddlers snatching at playgroup

TwinMumWithNoName · 2025-01-08T21:47:30+00:00

Hi, just wondering what other people think of this. I have twins, boy/girl and they turned 2 a few months ago. At playgroup today my girl took a little bike thing off another girl who was about maybe 18 months. I seen it happen and went over and took her off the bike and gave it back. The mum was like oh its OK you don't need to do that she can have it but I said no it's ok she needs to learn not to do that. Anyway about ten mins later I was supervising my son on the bouncy castle and noticed my girl lying on the floor crying. Another mum told me that she had tried to take a ball off a boy prob 18months also and his mum snatched it back off her. She was sitting there while my daughter cried( I guess having a tantrum) and didn't say a word to me about what happened. A few mins later the woman and her son were playing with a ball and the son had toddled off with another ball and the mum was just sitting there with another. There were a whole load of balls around the mum. My girl was gathering them up to put down this big tube thing. She tried to take the mums ball and she was pulling it back and waving it away from her. Obviously I intervened and redirected my daughter to the other balls. I just thought it was really weird. I know my daughter isn't entitled to take what she wants but I found it odd the mum insisted on holding on to the ball when her son had one. They were football size balls so can only play with one at a time and the toys are there for the kids ot parents. I also think it's not OK to snatch back from my daughter and make her cry then just sit there as though it's nothing to do with you. I feel she should have got my attention given I was a few metres away and I would have intervened. I am trying to teach my children about turn taking and sharing but given they are just 2 they havent developed this skill yet and won't for some time. When a child takes something from mine I just let them wouldn't dream of snatching back off a 2 year old I get she probably felt like she was standing up for her smaller son but I think she was inappropriate. Am I been unreasonable thinking this?

cadburyegg · 08/01/2025 21:58

I think as your dd was gathering most of the other balls up to play with them, it was reasonable for the other mum to keep another ball back in case her ds wanted to play with it.

It's possible that people can tell you are busy with your dc so don't come and tell you about every little thing.

I think you are overthinking this situation, nothing really happened worth worrying about.

hazelnutvanillalatte · 08/01/2025 22:01

The mum was wrong but these things happen in playgroup and playground settings. Maybe it's her first child and she just hasn't got the hang of the etiquette. If she's there next time just keep an eye and keep your kids away from her.

Snugglemonkey · 08/01/2025 22:05

I do the same thing if my child takes something, or has something taken. I just say "oh no, x was playing with that. You can have it when they finish." Then I take it and give it back.

Ladyluckinred · 08/01/2025 22:09

Doesn’t really model good behaviour. No, the Mum shouldn’t have snatched off your Daughter but as another poster has said, it does happen at playgroups. Sometimes I think parents get more protective of the toys than the children 🤷‍♀️.

Original poster

TwinMumWithNoName · 08/01/2025 22:13

@cadburyegg Yeah I probably am overthinking it. My daughter snatching is a new thing which I'm trying to navigate. Today I'm thinking gosh am I been too strict when the first mum is saying no it's ok keep it and the I turn my head for a minute my daughter is snatching again and another mum has made her cry. @hazelnutvanillalatte that's kind of what I'm thinking it's the etiquette that annoyed me. I do try to keep my kids away as she doesn't seem to like anyone there, she doesn't speak to any other hildren or parents and redirects her son whenever he comes up to anyone else. @Snugglemonkey I do intervene if my child snatches if I see it but I wouldn't dream of snatching back from another toddler. Mainly because it pretty much refutes what I'm trying to teach them (it's not OK to snatch) and I don't want to upset another child particlaurly if my own child isn't bothered.

OP posts:

Original poster

TwinMumWithNoName · 08/01/2025 22:15

Haha yeah I was thinking that 🤣

OP posts:

Newmumburnout · 08/01/2025 22:49

I think the other mum was very off. I agree with you on every level

onceuponatimelived · 08/01/2025 22:57

You are definitely not being unreasonable. Its great to see you are teaching your children the importance of sharing and being kind.

Unfortunately, in playgroup and sometimes playground settings you will see parents happily not enforcing this trajectory and just letting their kids run wild at the expense of other childrens happiness. But as long as their kids are happy they don't seem to care about anyone elses.

She definitely shouldn't of snatched the ball from your DD and you should of pulled her up on it as people shouldn't be touching other peoples children aggressively like that without being told its inappropriate because then they just go off and do it to more children until one parent finally stands up on their helpless childs behalf.

MumChp · 08/01/2025 23:00

Tbh I hate then one child is entitled to collect a lot of toys in a public space. I had kept the ball. I would anytime hand it over to a child needing it for play. Your daughter didn't needed it. She had more than enough.

Original poster

TwinMumWithNoName · 08/01/2025 23:16

@onceuponatimelived if I see her doing that again I will ask her to refrain from doing that and call me over instead. I don't want to get into a confrontation at a children's playgroup and tbh she's really weird.@MumChp she isn't entitled to do that. There were about 20 balls and only the other little boy was playing with them. He was playing with one ball, mainly just walking about with it. I wouldn't have allowed my daughter to stop other children playing with the balls. I think you are missing the point. It's also strange that you are even thinking in terms of withholding toys, which don't belong to you and which you are not using, from a 2 year old little girl because you feel she is entitled. 2 year olds haven't yet developed empathy and don't know how to share or even begin to consider fairness, it is completely developmentally normal. So for an adult, who has developed these concepts of thinking and appropriate behaviours to snatch from toddlers and intentionally withholding toys because they hate the toddlers behaviour is really not OK...

OP posts:

ButtonMoon5 · 09/01/2025 07:44

I think you are overreacting. You were told the mum snatched the ball back but you didn't see this yourself. Obviously snatching isn't OK, but you weren't there for the mum to raise it with you (did she know you were the mum?) so she took the ball back for her son. She is likely teaching him people can't just take things from you.

Your daughter wanted a particular ball when there were lots around, maybe the son had asked his mum to hold that particular ball?

I also find it annoying when a child tries to gather all the toys. I understand there are lots of balls there but again she didn't need that particular one.

user23124 · 09/01/2025 07:48

Play groups bring our batshit behaviour in some people. I once watched a grown woman cry because her DD had a plastic tomato taken off.

Lifestooshort71 · 09/01/2025 07:56

I think you are overreacting. You were told the mum snatched the ball back but you didn't see this yourself. Obviously snatching isn't OK, but you weren't there for the mum to raise it with you (did she know you were the mum?) so she took the ball back for her son. She is likely teaching him people can't just take things from you.
This with bells on. Snatching or taking it back? You are doing the right thing by teaching your 2 to share and not 'snatch' but it sounds as though your kid was just having a tantrum because she couldn't have that particular ball. The other mum's take on it is likely to be different - neither of you right nor wrong but both just looking out for their own.

JaneBoleynViscountessRochford · 09/01/2025 07:57

This is why I never did playgroups tbh, adults acting like toddlers should have fully developed self awareness and actually debating as to who is ‘entitled’ to play with the toys. Absolutely batshit and I would have ended up being thrown out if someone made my DC cry like that and then just left them to it or saw a grown adult refusing to give a child a toy because they were gatekeeping it.

bzarda · 09/01/2025 08:07

I would never snatch a ball/any toy from a child but if a child does take something my little girl (20 months) is playing with I do often ask the child to give it back ("she's playing with this at the moment. When she's done it will be your turn") and redirect them to another toy. I don't involve parents partly because normally they're off having coffees and not watching their child and partly because I am trying to model standing up for yourself in an appropriate way for my daughter, so she can advocate for herself when I'm not there.
It's hard because some children are allowed to go unchecked and ruin the fun for everyone at these playgroups (not saying this is true of your children at all) and I think that may cause some parents to act irrationally in 'defence' of their children. I do find it hard to watch children snatching things off my child because she hasn't reached that stage herself yet and is very shy of other toddlers so just let's herself be pushed around. But I would never act like the mother you are describing has, I do think that's a bit lacking in emotional intelligence.

Original poster

TwinMumWithNoName · 09/01/2025 08:48

ButtonMoon5 · 09/01/2025 07:44

I think you are overreacting. You were told the mum snatched the ball back but you didn't see this yourself. Obviously snatching isn't OK, but you weren't there for the mum to raise it with you (did she know you were the mum?) so she took the ball back for her son. She is likely teaching him people can't just take things from you.

Your daughter wanted a particular ball when there were lots around, maybe the son had asked his mum to hold that particular ball?

I also find it annoying when a child tries to gather all the toys. I understand there are lots of balls there but again she didn't need that particular one.

Yeah I probably was more annoyed than I had to be. Now it's the next day I don't really care. I do believe she snatched it though because she does things like that. She knows I'm their mum and my name, I was a mere few metres away, it's a small playgroup, had she said anything I would have heard her. Like I said in my original post I can kind of understand her standing up for her son I guess it's just the way she went about it I felt was inappropriate but the gatekeeping I can't get on board with. To me that's weirdo behavior for an adult 🤣

OP posts:

Original poster

TwinMumWithNoName · 09/01/2025 08:50

user23124 · 09/01/2025 07:48

Play groups bring our batshit behaviour in some people. I once watched a grown woman cry because her DD had a plastic tomato taken off.

Hahaha its so bizarre. This is the only one I go to, it's a nightmare trying to monitor two two year olds and navigate and manage not only their behaviour but apparently other adults 🤣

OP posts:

Original poster

TwinMumWithNoName · 09/01/2025 08:52

JaneBoleynViscountessRochford · 09/01/2025 07:57

This is why I never did playgroups tbh, adults acting like toddlers should have fully developed self awareness and actually debating as to who is ‘entitled’ to play with the toys. Absolutely batshit and I would have ended up being thrown out if someone made my DC cry like that and then just left them to it or saw a grown adult refusing to give a child a toy because they were gatekeeping it.

This was my take exactly, you are an adult my daughter is 2!! Today I'm not caring, she does it again I'll say something ut I'll just continue to try and keep my kids away from her.

OP posts:

Original poster

TwinMumWithNoName · 09/01/2025 08:56

bzarda · 09/01/2025 08:07

I would never snatch a ball/any toy from a child but if a child does take something my little girl (20 months) is playing with I do often ask the child to give it back ("she's playing with this at the moment. When she's done it will be your turn") and redirect them to another toy. I don't involve parents partly because normally they're off having coffees and not watching their child and partly because I am trying to model standing up for yourself in an appropriate way for my daughter, so she can advocate for herself when I'm not there.
It's hard because some children are allowed to go unchecked and ruin the fun for everyone at these playgroups (not saying this is true of your children at all) and I think that may cause some parents to act irrationally in 'defence' of their children. I do find it hard to watch children snatching things off my child because she hasn't reached that stage herself yet and is very shy of other toddlers so just let's herself be pushed around. But I would never act like the mother you are describing has, I do think that's a bit lacking in emotional intelligence.

I know it isn't nice and I don't allow them to snatch if I see it. I don't mind other parents intervening in an appropriate way either to help their child stand up for themselves. I don't think she was appropriate and that's why I was annoyed. I agree it's the lack of emotional intelligence thag got my back up.

OP posts:

Original poster

TwinMumWithNoName · 09/01/2025 09:01

Lifestooshort71 · 09/01/2025 07:56

I think you are overreacting. You were told the mum snatched the ball back but you didn't see this yourself. Obviously snatching isn't OK, but you weren't there for the mum to raise it with you (did she know you were the mum?) so she took the ball back for her son. She is likely teaching him people can't just take things from you.
This with bells on. Snatching or taking it back? You are doing the right thing by teaching your 2 to share and not 'snatch' but it sounds as though your kid was just having a tantrum because she couldn't have that particular ball. The other mum's take on it is likely to be different - neither of you right nor wrong but both just looking out for their own.

Yeah she was having a tantrum because she is 2 and doesnt understand why she cant have the ball. It's my job to teach her that though not some randomer at playgroup in a passive aggressive way.

OP posts:

Lifestooshort71 · 09/01/2025 09:32

TwinMumWithNoName · 09/01/2025 09:01

Yeah she was having a tantrum because she is 2 and doesnt understand why she cant have the ball. It's my job to teach her that though not some randomer at playgroup in a passive aggressive way.

Show quote history

But you didn't see the interchange as you were supervising your son on the bouncy castle. Overseeing 2 must be difficult - bring a friend to help or let some stuff go?

Lifestooshort71 · 09/01/2025 09:37

Actually, I've just reread your posts and you've said this other mum lacks emotional intelligence and 'if she does it again I'll say something'. You didn't even see it happen! Hopefully she'll be avoiding you!

vivainsomnia · 09/01/2025 09:44

I don't think she was appropriate and that's why I was annoyed
You don't know that because you didn't see it. You are making assumptions because your girl cried. She probably cried because a stranger did what her mum does but when it's a stranger, it's more embarrassing, intimidating and an unknown situation. It's good for your daughter to learn that it's not just something that matters to her mum but a social rule.

This tendency to never want strangers to be involved in teaching social conduct and automatically inferring that this stranger was a threat to the child is doing no favour to young generation who dodgy need to learn that their world is wider than those confined to their close family.

Original poster

TwinMumWithNoName · 09/01/2025 11:51

Lifestooshort71 · 09/01/2025 09:37

Actually, I've just reread your posts and you've said this other mum lacks emotional intelligence and 'if she does it again I'll say something'. You didn't even see it happen! Hopefully she'll be avoiding you!

Wow you need to calm down 🤣 i agreed with the poster who stated she lacks emotional intelligence. I also stated more than once that I had let it go and I'm not that bothered about it today. I also advised that other mums had witnessed it who have no reason to randomly make that up. I did witness her gatekeeping the ball from my two year old child which is what I'm referring saying something to her about. That's the inappropriate behaviour, it's an adult who should know better behaving like a child. I'm also sure she will continue to avoid me and all the other mums and children as she has done for months.

OP posts:

Original poster

TwinMumWithNoName · 09/01/2025 11:58

vivainsomnia · 09/01/2025 09:44

I don't think she was appropriate and that's why I was annoyed
You don't know that because you didn't see it. You are making assumptions because your girl cried. She probably cried because a stranger did what her mum does but when it's a stranger, it's more embarrassing, intimidating and an unknown situation. It's good for your daughter to learn that it's not just something that matters to her mum but a social rule.

This tendency to never want strangers to be involved in teaching social conduct and automatically inferring that this stranger was a threat to the child is doing no favour to young generation who dodgy need to learn that their world is wider than those confined to their close family.

I didn't infer she was threatening to my child. I was clear in the original post that I could understand her standing up for her child and taking the ball back (to an extent) but withholding more balls was inappropriate. You are probably right and she intimated my daughter and embarrassed her. Absolutely not acceptable for anyone to do that to a 2 year old. Its not developmentally appropriate at all!! To be honest causing a child of any age to feel shame is not on. If my child was school aged I'd understand another adult correcting their behaviour in a kind manner but not at 2 years old. Adults responding to toddlers like toddlers is ridiculous. I think it's best to agree to disagree as we clearly have very different styles of parenting

OP posts: