Toddlers snatching at playgroup

[TwinMumWithNoName]

Hi, just wondering what other people think of this. I have twins, boy/girl and they turned 2 a few months ago. At playgroup today my girl took a little bike thing off another girl who was about maybe 18 months. I seen it happen and went over and took her off the bike and gave it back. The mum was like oh its OK you don't need to do that she can have it but I said no it's ok she needs to learn not to do that. Anyway about ten mins later I was supervising my son on the bouncy castle and noticed my girl lying on the floor crying. Another mum told me that she had tried to take a ball off a boy prob 18months also and his mum snatched it back off her. She was sitting there while my daughter cried( I guess having a tantrum) and didn't say a word to me about what happened. A few mins later the woman and her son were playing with a ball and the son had toddled off with another ball and the mum was just sitting there with another. There were a whole load of balls around the mum. My girl was gathering them up to put down this big tube thing. She tried to take the mums ball and she was pulling it back and waving it away from her. Obviously I intervened and redirected my daughter to the other balls. I just thought it was really weird. I know my daughter isn't entitled to take what she wants but I found it odd the mum insisted on holding on to the ball when her son had one. They were football size balls so can only play with one at a time and the toys are there for the kids ot parents. I also think it's not OK to snatch back from my daughter and make her cry then just sit there as though it's nothing to do with you. I feel she should have got my attention given I was a few metres away and I would have intervened. I am trying to teach my children about turn taking and sharing but given they are just 2 they havent developed this skill yet and won't for some time. When a child takes something from mine I just let them wouldn't dream of snatching back off a 2 year old I get she probably felt like she was standing up for her smaller son but I think she was inappropriate. Am I been unreasonable thinking this?

'Gatekeeping'? This thread gets better and better - you've turned a very minor nothing into some diplomatic incident and made the playgroup sound like a fun and really relaxed place to be (that's irony by the way), I'll leave you to it.

🤣🤣take a day off Karen

but withholding more balls was inappropriate. You are probably right and she intimated my daughter and embarrassed her. Absolutely not acceptable for anyone to do that to a 2 year old. Its not developmentally appropriate at all!
I fully disagree. For one, not giving your dd the ball is inappropriate. She would have her reason. Not knowing or understanding the reason doesn't make it wrong.

Also, ahe didn't embarass or shame your dd. Its the totally natural response of a toddler who is learning social cues. It's actually great that your dd gets to learn about this aspect of social life from other people than just you.

Please don't be that parent who consider their child to be so precious, any upset they experience becomes a crime and anyone involved a criminal.

Your daughter learn a good lesson that day. She is not going to be traumatised by it. She will quickly moved on psychologically but will remember next time, or after a new next time. Same as all aspects of learning.

Equally - why does this other mum think she's got a right to 'teach' OPs daughter ... Knobhead behaviour!

I used to run three non-profit playgroups a week. Some kids make it like the movie Lord of The Flies! But you can always see where they get it. Mums/dads/GPs can be a bloody nightmare. One little boy was often violent towards all the other children (in a quite frankly, disturbing way!) and when you met the mum you could tell why. She wasn't violent though, never told him off, spanked him, shouted or anything. She was permissive. She'd smile sweetly, proudly watching him shove a just started walking baby at the ground. Repeatedly. It. Was. Nuts.

She honestly didn't think her little Dudley Dursley could do any wrong. If he punched a kid in the stomach it was because that boy obviously hit him first (they never did). If he gouged at a toddler's eye it was a "boys will be boys" thing. If he snatched a toy then it was because they weren't sharing and were being mean.
One time I watched her go up to a small child, lift them off one of the two red cars and place him, now wailing, on the floor and hand the car to her son. The other car was available but her boy didn't want that one.

He's almost a high schooler now. Throughout the whole 7 years of primary(s) he was most kid's nightmare. And he got away with it because his mum was a local teacher. Ironically she was quite the cow of a teacher too. Very shouty and strict. As long as it was never her kids of course.

OP, don't worry about what everyone else is doing. Just make sure your kids are strictly observed and corrected quickly because the last thing you want is a petty mum using any of your child's innocent transgressions to be used as an excuse to treat them poorly. And if they're acting childishly towards your child for no reason (it does happen) then simply tell your child what's going on, loud enough for people to hear.

"I know darling, some people do things like that. It's very silly so let's just leave them to it and go do xxx or xxx"

Equally - why does this other mum think she's got a right to 'teach' OPs daughter ... Knobhead behaviour!
She didn't purposely teach her anything. She kept the ball which was her right to do. OP's dd learn from the situation naturally.

because the last thing you want is a petty mum using any of your child's innocent transgressions to be used as an excuse to treat them poorly
But that's not whappened here. OP's dd snatched once. OP intervened. She snatched a second time, OP wasn't supervising so the mum took the same action that OP had before.

Dd then tried to snatch a third time, and that mum didn't let her. She was correct. What should she had given dd the ball when she was, fir a third time, again, trying to snatch?

Nothing wrong happened at all. Two years old snatching. Normal.

Other parent copying what the child parent did previously in same situation: great.

Other parent showing that she can't always snatch, therefore reinforcing the message: helpful.

I still don't get why OP feels that the correct behaviour should have given her dd the ball after she tried to snatch it from the other mum's hands.

I think you are really dramatising this now 🤣at no point did I infer there was any criminality. Of course she isn't going to be traumatised, that goes without saying. Like I said she is barely two years old, her behaviour was developmentally normal, i don't feel like the adults was. I personally can't think of any good reason for an adult to be waving the ball about, refusing to give it to her. As i stated her son had walked off with a ball and was happily toddling about elsewhere. If Im expected to give the adult so much leeway in her behaviour then I should expect the same for my toddler. I was annoyed yesterday, although didn't do anything at the group just had a vent on here and now I don't care. She's my child,she's generally well behaved, doesn't hit etc and the snatching is a new behaviour which she will learn not to do through me and other children not from another adult who she doesn't know from Adam. So again, let's agree to disagree.

You need to read the original post again. The first time she took the ball off the child and the mum apparently snatched it back. I never seen it but don't necessarily disagree that she took it back as I stated. I disagree that my daughter was crying and when I came iver she said nothing when she knew full well why she was crying. About five mins later her son had walked off with a ball and my daughter was gathering the balls up and tried to take one off the adult who was sitting with it alone surrounded by lots of other balls. She refused to give her it and was waving it about. The adult clearly didn't need that specific ball there were lots of other balls. She understands that. A 2 year old does not.

I have always found it ridiculous that adults are effectively offended by babies at a playgroup. It defeats the whole purpose of going. I am on baby number 3 now, but if I were to be treated the way you were I would not think twice about calling it out now that I have more confidence.

Of course I'm dramatising! To make a point that I think you dramatised the situation in the first place!

I personally can't think of any good reason for an adult to be waving the ball about, refusing to give it to her
I think this is where I disagree. You could also ask where your dd who had access to all the other balls and toys had to have a ball that was in someone's hands.

If it was another child, a bit older, who your dd had tried to snatch the ball from, do you feel that that child should have given it to your dd?

The fact it was an adult doesn't change the fact that snatching is not ok and shouldn't be rewarded. The mum wanted to keep that ball, for whatever reason, and there was nothing wrong with it. Maybe when tou were not looking, her boy had brought to her and asked to keep it. Who knows.

I will continue to observe and correct my children and just keep redirecting them away from other parents like that. Was just taken aback by the situation yesterday.

Oh. My. God. Why are you just going on and on and on. I've said twice let's agree to disagree. You've made it clear that you think the other mum was in her rights to keep the ball. Ok that's fine that's your opinion. And for the last time, my daughter is TWO. That's the huge difference, one has zero understanding yet and is focused on one ball and the other is a grown up who should have enough maturity and self awareness to know that. And no as I have said multiple times I do intervene when she tries to snatch off another child, regardless of their age. Do you know why, because that's appropriate adult behaviour.

Yeah it's weird and I don't get it, hence the point of this post. Now I've had a range of answers I still don't get adults behaving like that and if anything I'm now going to double down on making sure it doesn't happen again 🤣🤣that's a joke by the way, before the posts about how out of order I and my child are start 🤣

Oh. My. God. Why are you just going on and on and on
Ummm because its the theme of your post?

Because, indeed, not everybody is going to agree with you?

But go on and continue to think this mum was very wrong and make sure you make your views clear next time, I'm sure it will go down well with everyone.

Alternatively, you could forget about such an uninportant event and just focus on keeping an eye on your daughter and try to ensure you catch her before she actually snatch things from other people's hands.

Oops missed the joke 😁 good, have a good time at next meeting!

Im starting to wonder if you are the other mum in question 🤣why are you being so unnecessarily bitchy. You gave your own opinion multiple times, why did you feel you had to keep doing that. I accepted and stated you had a different opinion and that was fine. I agreed to disagree three times but yet here you are still going on. You are even commenting on other people's post on my post sharing your views yet again. Is it because i haven't changed my mind and agreed witb you? Because that's what seems to be upsetting you. As I have also said so many times since last night I probably didn't need to get annoyed by it and I have let it go today. You are like a dog with a bone 🤣 as for keeping an eye on my daughter to stop her from snatching..... i have twins I do the best I can. Unless you have toddler twins(which clearly you do not) you can't possibly understand what that is like. But thanks for the unkind judgement, I hope it makes you feel better about yourself. Going forward I'll just walk behind her at all times and grab her arms away if it even looks like she might grab something because hey that's is really inappropriate behaviour for a two year old and I wouldn't want to upset another adult 🤣🤣

YABU. You need to let children of that age learn sharing as an emerging skill. Children don’t typically share until they’re around 5 or even later.

Ok the mum holding onto the balls seems a bit off as surely the toys are there for everyone, but the one telling your daughter to give a ball back to someone else (the snatcher) I don't think is so bad. Yes your daughter cried as they knew they had done wrong and they will have to get used to being told no by other adults (do they go nursery yet?). Maybe this mum realised you were busy with your son and intervened as it wasn't fair on her child if your daughter took the ball and you didn't realise. Also maybe it wasn't so much as snatching it back but saying to her 'x is still playing with that toy thank you' and removing it from her.
I imagine it's hard watching two if they are going in different directions and fully knowing what happened if something goes on.

Can I just gently point out that other people don't really care about your daughter . They are emotionally invested in their own child. Unless they are seriously abusing her ,of course. Your daughter crying because she didn't get what she wanted doesn't really hold much sway with others . And she was monopolising all the balls?

It sounds like she just kept hold of the ball rather than actually snatching it off your DD. I don't think allowing her to grab it would have helped her learn. It sounds like she wanted ALL the footballs. I think kids need to learn from everyone - as you say you have 2 toddlers & can't see what they are both up to at the same time. She needs to learn not to go up to people & take stuff. I guess you will call me Karen now 😉🤷🏻‍♀️

Hardly a Karen 🤣

Hmm. Sorry OP, it must be really difficult for you managing twins. But, as far as the other parents maybe know, your DD is that unsupervised, marauding toddler ruining it for everyone else. Holding onto the ball may have been a bit petty but eqully maybe she thought her son might want it back and would struggle to get it from your DD? I’m afraid people generally look after their own at toddler groups, especially if there is a seemingly unsupervised toddler going around snatching.

You sound batshit crazy.

Ugh, playgroups and other peoples parenting can be the worst. We go to a regular few groups but decided to try a new one this week and it was mental. So busy. I’m not exaggerating one bit when I say there was a young girl I’d say around 1, pulling on any toddler she saw to stand herself up whilst her mum literally stood 1/2 a metre away and never did a thing 😂 a couple of toddlers were playing with the dolls house and the same little girl came in like a steam roller knocking everything about and basically just ruining ‘the game.’ Mum sat glassy eyed just watching her whilst not making eye contact with any adult 🤣 you have to laugh really…