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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Inappropriate insults about height.

82 replies

MrsMyagi · 08/01/2025 21:16

Is it only me or would others find this to be rude? I work in a supermarket and a colleague has made frequent jokes about my height whilst I am stacking shelves. Today he called me a short arse. I am 5 foot 4 inches so not short and I am actually the average height of a UK woman. I find it ridiculous that in today's society were being kind is encouraged that individuals think it is ok to poke fun at people's/my height or point out anyone's features.

OP posts:
Halfanapple · 08/01/2025 23:00

Obviously, people would ideally refrain from making any kind of comment on anyone else’s appearance. If he’s making you uncomfortable, just ask him to stop.

In reality, most people can’t resist stating the bloody obvious. I’m almost 6ft tall - I get told that I’m tall by strangers almost every day, as if I might not have noticed in the past 30-odd years! I think most people are just surprised, or genuinely aren’t aware that’s it’s a very boring and quite rude conversation starter. It used to bother me much more when I was younger and more concerned about standing out. Now I just tend to say “yes”.

Given that you’re actually neither short nor tall, I imagine you’re more taken aback by these comments as you don’t generally receive them on a daily basis!

MeMeMeMeOw · 08/01/2025 23:01

I get pissed off with this. I am 5'1" and have heard:

Short arse
What you lack in height you make up for with your gob
Bridget the Midget
Teletubby

I have a 6'5" ex and I had lots of comments about how cute it would be because I fit under his arm and did I feel protected (No, I dumped him). I genuinely didn't notice the difference in height - I mean I did, but it didn't bother me.

A friend has another friend with the same name who's quite tall and we are called Big Meow and Little Meow or I am her Mini Me.

I don't know why we are fair game for jokes. It seems acceptable in a way making jokes about being fat, ginger or wearing specs isn't (and they aren't acceptable, please don't misunderstand me).

The friend who laughs about it is 5'4" like you OP. Why is being 5'1" hilarious?

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/01/2025 23:01

LostittoBostik · 08/01/2025 22:35

I'm 5ft. The jokes are a permanent fixture in my life. It's so fucking boring. This place was alive with them about Rishi Sunak a couple of years ago.

DD3 is 4.11 and is so fucking angry when people say things like that to her. Saddens me a bit because she is always on the defensive now, just in case.

She lost a saturday job when a full time said "Oh you are so little and cute!!" and she said "I am short, I am not cute and you are a prick" and he complained so she got sacked. Frankly I met the guy and she was right.

ladygindiva · 08/01/2025 23:09

You aren't even short. I'm 5'2" .

Wickedclimber · 08/01/2025 23:15

heroinechic · 08/01/2025 22:31

I'd consider you short because I'm 5ft 8 but I wouldn't think calling someone a short is a bad thing. Some people are short and some people are tall but neither are good or bad. If I commented that someone was short it wouldn't even occur to me that they would find that hurtful.

That said, my SIL is under 5ft and my brother is 6ft 5 and I know she finds the jokes tiresome (not jokes made by me!).

He's calling her names. He's not mentioning her height for any other reason than to tease her.

It's pathetic.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 08/01/2025 23:15

I don't really understand why you're offended but the next time he does it, stop what you're doing, turn around to look him in the eye and say 'I have repeatedly asked you to stop commenting on my body. It makes me uncomfortable. If you don't stop now, I will report it as harassment.'

Wickedclimber · 08/01/2025 23:18

It's baffling how so many people can't see why OP is upset by this.

If he kept saying "fat arse" then you'd see the problem, right?

Indianajet · 08/01/2025 23:24

I am 5 ft and really don't care what people say - I am happy as I am.

Lizzie67384 · 08/01/2025 23:25

I’m 5”10 and get really offensive comments about my height! It’s so frustrating but I’ve learnt to ignore it (don’t know why people feel like they need to comment?)

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 08/01/2025 23:26

Wickedclimber · 08/01/2025 23:18

It's baffling how so many people can't see why OP is upset by this.

If he kept saying "fat arse" then you'd see the problem, right?

Do you really think 'short' is perjorative in the same way 'fat' is?

I certainly don't. My kids call me shortarse and I'm 5'11. If they called me fat (which I am) there'd be big trouble.

Wickedclimber · 08/01/2025 23:29

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 08/01/2025 23:26

Do you really think 'short' is perjorative in the same way 'fat' is?

I certainly don't. My kids call me shortarse and I'm 5'11. If they called me fat (which I am) there'd be big trouble.

It's commenting on someone's appearance, so no, I don't think there is any difference.

Also, a colleague is a bit different to your own kids.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 08/01/2025 23:32

Wickedclimber · 08/01/2025 23:29

It's commenting on someone's appearance, so no, I don't think there is any difference.

Also, a colleague is a bit different to your own kids.

So all comments re: appearance are offensive regardless of whether they're positive, negative or neutral?

You'd be just as unhappy being called 'pretty' as 'ugly'?

I see fat as negative and short as neutral. Not on the same scale at all. But everyone perceives these things differently, I'm not saying my feelings are the correct ones.

Wickedclimber · 08/01/2025 23:36

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 08/01/2025 23:32

So all comments re: appearance are offensive regardless of whether they're positive, negative or neutral?

You'd be just as unhappy being called 'pretty' as 'ugly'?

I see fat as negative and short as neutral. Not on the same scale at all. But everyone perceives these things differently, I'm not saying my feelings are the correct ones.

I see where you are coming from but she's uncomfortable and he continues to do it. So he needs to stop commenting on her appearance.

Devilsmommy · 08/01/2025 23:49

OrangeKettle · 08/01/2025 21:58

I’m 6’. I’ve had no end of comments and insults. People are just dicks.

Not as tall as you, I'm 5'7 but even I get comments and asked to grab stuff off top shelf 😒

Lafee · 08/01/2025 23:59

BashfulClam · 08/01/2025 22:59

I’m 5’9” so you would be short in my eyes but it’s not something I’d mention. Now my wee mammy at 4’11’ with 6’4” son and 5’9” daughter gets a lot of slagging from us. We even walk either side of her as it annoys her because it makes her look tiny, we just say we’re her bouncers.

I have been dumped and turned down by men for being ‘too tall’ so it’s not always nice up here either.

Mind you my friends Husband is 6’8” so maybe he should come to your work and call this guy a short arse.

Ooooo! I wish your husband could do that and make a short arse comment to the chap that's being inconsiderate at best, to the op.

I would actually pay to witness his face when he realises that he's on the receiving end of his own words.

Size should be neither here nor there.

There are exceptions, like when you go to some rides at a funfair, if you are not as tall as the pre measured line on the board, then you aren't permitted to board...
.... but obviously that's a safety issue.

These days we are all encouraged to be kind, and banter ain't banter unless all parties are amused.

I know you are being advised that your height is regarded as average, but I can see why it's bamboozled you.

Whether this colleague is making these regular comments as a (misguided) friendly banter, OR he's being downright horrible, coz he can see that it bothers you, in fact he's carried on even after you've asked him to stop, but he pig headedly carries on coz he's a nasty pice of work....
.... none of us could possibly know.

Op you've told him on numerous occasions to stop.
Next time, tell him that it's the last time, and if he mentions it even one more time, you'll be reporting him, in order to get it stopped... THAT won't look good on his performance review.

Does he say it in earshot of other colleagues who would be willing to back you up?
Or would he be able to claim that it's your word against his?

Good luck, no one deserves to have any unwanted behaviours, no matter what.

Please take this further, as no one should tell you "how" you should feel.

Toenailz · 09/01/2025 00:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Toenailz · 09/01/2025 00:18

Should have added, I'm smaller than you, not by much though, often on the receiving end of comments. I can't say it bothers me because it doesn't, but I just give it back in the form of making comment of 'big lanky freaks'.

ThatAgileGoldMoose · 09/01/2025 00:32

MrsMyagi · 08/01/2025 22:07

At 1st I would tell him after a few comments made. Now I tell him everytime to stop. It is unwanted.

Well done for telling him directly, and I'm sorry you have had to do it a number of times.

I think it's time to escalate it to a manager to be honest. He's a prick for carrying on even though you've told him you want him to stop.

LoafofSellotape · 09/01/2025 00:38

It's exactly the same if you're tall,happens all the time. It's very boring.

neilyoungismyhero · 09/01/2025 00:39

I'm 5 foot and when people, to my mind insult me, fuck off usually comes to mind.

ThatAgileGoldMoose · 09/01/2025 00:47

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 08/01/2025 23:32

So all comments re: appearance are offensive regardless of whether they're positive, negative or neutral?

You'd be just as unhappy being called 'pretty' as 'ugly'?

I see fat as negative and short as neutral. Not on the same scale at all. But everyone perceives these things differently, I'm not saying my feelings are the correct ones.

I don't think any comments about a colleague's body appearance are appropriate in the workplace, unless it's a manager with a good work- related reason to. In the OP's case it might be perfectly OK for a manager to comment that they seem to be reaching for high things in a way that is unsafe for them, and did they know about or need any extra equipment like steps ordering.

OP isn't finding the comment shortarse neutral, so it really doesn't matter whether you or I do. It's being used about her and its still being used after she's asked them to stop. That's not okay. I'd also say it won't land the same way when it's said to you because you are objectively not short. Short people have a lifetime of people being clever dicks pointing out that they are short. In a 5'11 fat woman with big boobs and I can't tell you how many times men have thought they were entitled to comment on one or more of those three things, even though it is nothing whatsoever to do with them. You bet your ass I'm sensitive about anybody mentioning any of those things about me, because I've already had a lifetime's fill of those comments. Somebody calling me a shortarse wouldn't even register because I'm objectivelu lly not and i haven't spent a lifetime having that comment made about me. Happily, as a cranky menopausal middle aged woman I'm pretty invisible now 😉

And enough already to the people who are saying he probably fancies her. For years now It's no longer okay to excuse boys in school from pulling pigtails and pinging bra straps "because he probably fancies you", we certainly shouldn't be excusing grown men doing things to women that those women find mean just because the poor ickle man probably fancy them ffs!!

echt · 09/01/2025 00:59

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 08/01/2025 23:32

So all comments re: appearance are offensive regardless of whether they're positive, negative or neutral?

You'd be just as unhappy being called 'pretty' as 'ugly'?

I see fat as negative and short as neutral. Not on the same scale at all. But everyone perceives these things differently, I'm not saying my feelings are the correct ones.

In the work context all such comments are out of order.

NotVeryFunny · 09/01/2025 01:28

"I practice mindfulness and have CBT. The comments just stick. I spent a long time trying to feel comfortable in my own skin and it is a set back. It makes me feel like I am not enough. Like I should be slimmer. I should be prettier. I should be taller."

Well that's a you thing though. Unless he's making nasty remarks about your height (and from what you've said this doesn't sound like it's the case) I think you need to work on these invasive and obsessive negative thoughts, and also work on being kinder to yourself. You are saying much worse things to yourself than this man is saying to you.

NotVeryFunny · 09/01/2025 01:34

Wickedclimber · 08/01/2025 23:18

It's baffling how so many people can't see why OP is upset by this.

If he kept saying "fat arse" then you'd see the problem, right?

Being called fat arse and being referred to as short are completely different things. Fat arse is obviously a negative nasty comment. Being short is not a negative, it's neutral (depending on what's said exactly of course). I am short btw. Shorter than the OP and have had loads of comments throughout my life, really doesn't upset me as it's not a negative. I would be upset if someone said I had a fat arse or similar.

Happyinarcon · 09/01/2025 01:35

Not everyone is good at making small talk and men have resorted to gentle teasing for centuries when interacting with women. Maybe just discourage people from communicating with you as much as possible to avoid potential offence