I have a 5 month old DS. At 3.5mths old, i had to tell DP that he needs to start helping with night feeds because the exhaustion was unreal. So, he does night shift 2 days a week depending on work schedule, so days aren't fixed. Last week saturday night rolls around and he goes to go to sleep as normal until i tell him he's on night shift (he already knew this because he does night shifts when he doesn't have to get up for work the next day). He tried it with "i thought you were doing it" but i knew he was partly joking and we just laughed. I fed DS around 11.
Now, this boy's feeding habit is erratic. Sometimes he wants to feed again 2hrs later, 1.5hrs later, 3hrs later etc and DP knows this too. In fact, just last week Wednesday, he ate 3x within 3hrs (90ml each time, max he will feed is 120ml at a time). Around 12:20am, he started fussing in bed which is his feeding cue when he's sleeping, so i nudged DP to feed him (we were still awake in bed). DS only eats 60ml and DP is like "he wasn't really hungry" but 5mins later DS starts fussing again. DS has moments where he will eat a little bit and 5-10mins later, wants the rest. So, i said to DP "i think he wants the rest now" and DP said "no, he's not hungry", i left it and said nothing. About 20mins later, i got up myself because DS was still fussing in bed (fussing just means he's restless while his eyes are still closed), i take him and fed him the rest of the 60ml and he ate it. I say nothing to DP because he already started sleeping.
Just before 2am, DS is fussing again and i once again nudge DP because he's a deeper sleeper than i am, so, i usually have to wake DP to feed our son. I nudge him and he's like "omg he's not hungry, what time is it? What time did he last eat" and I'm like "that's what you said earlier but i got up and he ate" and DP said "yeah, so how long ago was that" and I'm like "that doesn't matter, he's hungry" and DP begrudgingly gets up and starts feeding our son (our convo was in whisper mode as we didn't want to wake DS). Once again, DS eats 60ml and DP comes out of whisper mode and starts going "see, he only ate 60ml, he wasn't really hungry, let him get proper hungry" and our son pops his eyes open from obviously the not so quiet voice and i was like "really? Did you have to bring this up right now?" and DP reiterates himself again and i was just like "ok, you know what, I'll do the night shift" and i scoot near the crib , essentially taking over where DP was sleeping which is usually my place to sleep.
DP starts going off "move back to your place, I'll do the shift" and I'm obviously over his complaining at 2am over having to wake up to feed our son and i tell him no, I'll do the shift and stay on that side of the bed. DP angrily (i could see his expression) puts DS in his crib and starts to power shove me to the other side of the bed, no bra on and he's just angrily trying to roll me like tissue paper to the other side. After he was done, i was so pissed off that i took my foot to his body and started pushing him back as well and he starts telling me again to move back to the other side "i know what you're trying to get me to do" he says. I'm there like wtf does that mean? I've never been violent in my relationships, never a shove or a slap or even cussing, me shovinv him was the first time ever for me in a relationship. So, i was there like is he implying I'm trying to make him be violent? What an effin laugh! Told him if he can't control himself, he shouldn't try to put that on me by gaslighting me. Mind you, our DS is fully awake in his crib. DP yanks my pillows and throws them on the floor, so i laughed, got up with the duvet, grabbed my pillows and went to sleep in the living room.
He goes to the kitchen while mumbling "i know what you're trying to get me to do and it won't work", i didn't say anything in response. Let's just say i had a difficult time sleeping. Sunday night, he goes to work. Monday morning, DS wakes up early and I'm obviously exhausted from night shift (waking up every 1.5-2hrs to feed him and then change him once) and sometimes when i wake up around 4/5am to feed him, i find it difficult to go back to sleep right away and by the time i want to go back to sleep, DS wakes up right then. So, i grabbed DS from his crib and put him beside me in bed and i start to doze off but fear of him falling out of bed (he's now crawling) if i actually sleep off made me get up and move to the sofa bed in the living room. This way, i can secure him against the back of the chair while i doze in and out of sleep. I finally get DS to go back to sleep an hour later and start to sleep too only to be woken up less than an hour later by DP semi shouting why i have our son sleeping in the living room. Honestly, i could have thrown him out the window. Our son was sleeping, i was effin finally able to get some sleep and he wakes us up. I told him to stop shouting and that we only moved to the living room in the morning, so not like i had our son sleep there all night.
DP goes off like "go to the bedroom and put him in his crib" and i told him to take DS there himself then, he doesn't but keeps repeating himself and i just ignored him and he just kept going on and on saying how petty i get over a small disagreement, as a mother I'm not acting mature and i just continued to ignore him. On his way to sleep, he says "don't bring that boy in to disturb my sleep or else we'll have an issue". Oh, so his sleep is precious and mine wasn't? When DS took a nap, i just left him on the sofa bed because i didn't want to have any sort of conversation with DP. In the evening, he had the audacity to ask if i was going to be cooking dinner and i just continued to ignore him. As I'm typing this, i still haven't spoken to him.
AIBU? Was it really not as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be because tbh I'm questioning my relationship with this man.