Male staff in nursery’s

[Itsoneofthose]

Ok, hear me out.. I know this is controversial but today I was shown around a nursery for the first time. I’m dreading leaving my little one, only because I’ll miss her and worry about her. I don’t think my worry is out of proportion or anything like that though. But today I saw two male nursery nurses. Now, I know there are many men who are great with kids, and not all men are a threat to children (obviously) and women can also potentially pose a threat to children but I just don’t know how I feel about male nursery staff. Hmmm. I know I’ll be shot down in flames for this. Nursery’s are well regulated etc etc. I just can’t help feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing. Has anyone else experienced these thoughts? AIBU

My DS is hoping to work in early years - he started Primary training but didn't enjoy placement until he did a 'complementary' placement in an early years setting. He is completing his degree but not as a qualified teacher, as his further placements will be in early years. His first early years placement of three weeks was so successful that they have basically offered him a job for when he finishes, due to the positive impact he had on the children.

Just because not many men do it does not make it a bad thing. In fact many children (especially if the father is not always present) really benefit from a positive male role model.

Not in the news.

Says it all. Men get away with EVERYTHING.

I don't give a shiny shit how un-PC it is, or that some poor men will miss out on the opportunity to be nursery nurses - no man is getting anywhere near my child during it's most vulnerable years without me being right there watching.

Yes that goes the same for a football training session, a cubs group, a karate club or any other club whilst still under 12. I waited through every single session.

Why do so many parents join these groups as helpers or stick around to watch through the entire session? We are safeguarding our children that's why. Men are not, and will not ever be safe around children until no child sex abuse happens.

I don't give a shit how good they are at playdough.

YABVVU. There is a huge lack of good male role models for young children. My 60 year old retired single BIL is a volunteer TA at his local primary school. He is enormously liked and trusted by both staff and pupils. I would be very pleased if he was working with my kids.

Yes I have. But I don’t assume every lone man I see is going to harass or assault me.

I do take risk-mitigation measures and try not to put myself in a position where I couldn’t escape or where I was more likely to be attacked, but when I was seriously sexually assaulted it was by someone I knew. Sexual harassment was also by people I knew and also by groups of young men in public.

People have stereotypical, socially constructed biases of men, just because they are male

This is not why I feel the way I do. Far, far from it. I love men - good men - they are the absolute light and rock of my life.

However, I have experienced, witnessed and been privy to many cases of child sexual abuse due to my line of work. I have had to report men, dismiss men and safeguard children from men all my working life.

The amount of men trying to infiltrate children's spaces, ALL children's spaces, would cause a national fucking riot if it were ever properly logged and reported.

Keep your children safe. As a mother it is your most important job.

Don't compromise your child's safety in the name of 'equal opps'.

So you try not to put yourself into a position where you can’t escape but your absolutely ok with leaving a totally defenceless baby or toddler with a man you really know nothing about to change your child’s nappy/take them to the loo?

“but when i was seriously sexually assaulted it was by someone i knew”. These male carers are someone your child knows - not some random stranger

I think you'll find that most parents don't HANG AROUND their child's activities

Those who volunteer don't do it to keep an eye on them. They either expected to be part of a parent rota as part of the commitment or they want to help. They aren't there spying. And most don't want to be there at all

That's just nuts.

The ones that are well aware of the risks do.

edited: . . and I am spying, I watch adults around children like a fucking hawk.

I make no apology for it.

My daughter is getting to the age where she can walk to the shops alone - and i have told her to be a bit more wary of strange men who approach her - or seek help from a woman only. Most men are fine and some women are not - but based on my experiences its men she needs to be more wary of.

When i was 9 a man pulled up in a car next to revving the engine and flashed at me, When i was about 12 in a crowd in a city looking at a busker, a man started rubbing himself against me for about a minute - i was young and confused, i turned around and he ran off.

There have been so many creepy incidents with men over the years - not with woman. I would be an idiot not to treat men as a class as potentially more dangerous- while knowing that most men are not a danger.

i will teach my daughter to put her feelings first - not worry she could potentially offend a man. I dont care if men are put off being nursery workers - my first priority is my child - and I don’t care what people think.

Then the numerous parents at the activities I've helped at must all have been fools

Because they don't hang around and are generally encouraged to leave things like Cubs unless staying as a helper (because having some random adult around is MORE of a risk)

We do become helpers, fully DBS'd helpers. I keep well away from the kids though - I'll be the one tidying up or making the drinks - watching you all.

Not that a DBS or vetting is any guarantee.

A DBS means jack shit.

Nursery worker here - we are never alone with the children, male or female workers so governed just as close.
Most abuse is perpetrated by someone in or close to the family. Yes there have been people, male and female, who slip through the net in childcare situations but if you have great safeguarding, safe who know what they are doing then things will be spotted or reported.
A women was recently tried for killing a child at nursery during sleep time - does that mean you won’t have your child nap at nursery?

My youngest goes to nursery where there is now a male practitioner. He wasn’t there when my older DC was. It’s amazing now.

He is formally Forest school trained and they have two forest school days a week, he’s raised money to get so much new outdoor equipment and it’s transformed the garden area.

My 2 both had "Jamie" as their key person when they were in the 3-4 room. They were both OBSESSED with him. He was fantastic and the kids all adored him. For a while it felt like every dinner time at home was all, "Jamie said... Jamie did... Jamie thinks..." We got monologues of what seemed like everything that poor man had done and said in the entire day!

I do Rainbows and not a single parent who is not a DBS volunteer stays. We need more volunteers but none are forthcoming. Same for Beavers.

The parents that help do so to either jump their child up the long wait list or because they believe in giving young children wider opportunities, building their confidence. Parents aren't even allowed on trips or residentials!

A lot of women are still people pleasers, more bothered with not upsetting the nursery or the man instead of doing what they feel is right for their child and what they’re comfortable with.

Ridiculous to suggest that the women who say they're fine with this actually aren't, and are actually choosing to put their child second to pleasing others.

Some people are fine with male nursery staff. You may not be, but that doesn't mean that people who are are less bothered about doing what they actually feel is right for their child.

I don't believe I said anything was wrong with my arse. Comprehension issue I guess 🙄

There are men who professionally have access to children, youth leaders, religious leaders, bus drivers, what have you. How unrealistic would it be to prevent men having access to children and young people! They are all vetted, same as women. I think a woman actually would be likely to get away with child abuse especially as there's clearly people who regard men with a suspicion that they don't apply to women. Men have to be even more conscious of not behaving in a way that could be remotely construed as inappropriate.

I'm not blinded by prejudice though.

Exactly!

We encourage parents to leave and wouldn't allow a parent to just hang around beyond the first week

If they were staying we would expect them to actually join in and help rather than lurk in the corner, watching us (in fact that would make them the most suspicious person in the room)

Bullshit. Are all men vetted the way nursery staff are?!!!

Fuck me, you must be scarey to run into on a dark night!

You shouldn't be staying unless you're properly vetted and present in an official capacity.

Your kids must be mortified and embarrassed!

And if I was the parent of another child at the activity, I sure as hell wouldn't want you hanging round! You could be anybody!

I'd rather have it than not!!

RTFT before responding

It's ridiculous - do these women not have sons and husbands and fathers!

Do they regard them with the same suspicion? Because, maybe, given the stats that's where they should be looking!

Batshit.

I don't care as long as they do the job well.