Male staff in nursery’s

[Itsoneofthose]

Ok, hear me out.. I know this is controversial but today I was shown around a nursery for the first time. I’m dreading leaving my little one, only because I’ll miss her and worry about her. I don’t think my worry is out of proportion or anything like that though. But today I saw two male nursery nurses. Now, I know there are many men who are great with kids, and not all men are a threat to children (obviously) and women can also potentially pose a threat to children but I just don’t know how I feel about male nursery staff. Hmmm. I know I’ll be shot down in flames for this. Nursery’s are well regulated etc etc. I just can’t help feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing. Has anyone else experienced these thoughts? AIBU

No, I wouldn't happy with this at all.

Can’t believe women think it’s awful and weird if i’d rather have a woman wash my fanny if i can’t do it myself rather than a man - or my smear test or mammogram

How the fuck did you read that into what I wrote?!!

This is WHY so many men don't want to work in caring professions. As for not wanting to be the only man working there, that is usually only the case until you reach about 15 then you stop caring and just make friends with your colleagues regardless of their junk.

I've been the only woman in a workplace for years. It was actually the best of all my jobs. There was hardly any bitching and backstabbing and talking behind backs. Peace and fucking harmony.

Statistically your DC is more likely to be molested by your dad or brother.

Absolutely, safeguarding is crucial.

But women can be paedophiles, can be abusive, and placing the majority of the focus only on men means we may unconsciously through our own bias, miss opportunities to safeguard children.

My children's grandads and uncles changed their nappies, they are men I trust. My daughters male pre school keyworker supported her in her toilet training this was a man I trusted.

My daughters male Beavers leader takes them away on camp overnight, these are men I trust.

It's absolutely fine to say 'these group of men(and women) I trust' "this group I do not trust'.

Working in paediatrics, every child i have seen who had been abused has been perpetrated or enabled by a women. This of course does not mean all women are bad, but my experience would lead me to believe that women are sneakier, better able to cover their tracks, and that the stats around abuse may not truly reflect the issue.

Ridiculous. If you feel this way then I wouldn’t take your daughter to a male doctor, male nurse, male teacher or male coach. Also you may want to stop your husband/partner, father, brother and males relatives changing her nappy.

And while I’m here - the nursery staff aren’t just for your child. I for one loved that my so. When he was at nursery had a balance of male and female role models at such a young age.

You irrational, unfounded and un thoughtful post is horrible.

I think it's great! There's a guy at my kids' nursery, I think he's my daughter's "buddy" (they have a key worker and a buddy assigned).

He's lots of fun, outdoorsy and active and the kids love him and I can see why. It's especially good for the boys to have good role models and see men doing traditionally feminine jobs too I think. Also breaks up the femininity of nursery a bit lol (sometimes the girls and female staff spend ages playing hairdressers lol).

In my experience male nursery staff are some of the best practitioners I’ve ever worked with.

I have a theory that it’s easy for a women to work in this industry - it’s a ‘woman’s’ role 🙄 many nursery staff do it just becuse they fell into it, they did it at 16 after school and stayed or did it when their kids went back to school becuse sometimes the hours and holidays allow it.

For men in this field the stigma is huge. You’re a prime example of why - you just can’t put your finger on it but you don’t like it - not good enough in my opinion. For men to work in this industry then they must really feel a calling to working with children and be naturally good at their jobs (as so many women of course - but without the stigma).

I suggest you have a good long think about why it makes you uneasy.

I agree with you OP. Those men might be lovely but as a class they pose a higher risk. I feel safer using a women’s bathroom than a unisex one as there are no men there. When i walk along the street late at night i feel more scared if a man if loitering around up ahead- but not scared at all if its a woman - why?

you have to prioritise your child - not the career choice of some random man.

i asked this same question about few years ago when looking for nurseries - and people thought i was horrible for thinking such a thing -but then a year later a man in my town who worked in a childcare setting was arrested for abusing a child - photos were found. He is still in jail, I think. Just a young guy who seemed ordinary.

Not a taboo question OP. It’s a discriminatory sexiest ine - there is a difference. Glad you found
one friend on here who agrees with you. The vast majority don’t. I despair for your daughter being taught such sexist values and roles for men and women.

I don't think anyone is saying it's awful to express a preference, of course it's not.

But what is awful is saying 'I don't want a man changing my child's nappy as its quite likely that he is a paedophile'.
No one would say I don't want a black person, or a homesexual person changing my child's nappy, as that would (quite rightly) be seen as discrimination.
But men are fair game for discrimination

A 6 month old doesnt give 2 hoots whether is a man or a women is changing their nappy, they care that they are shown care and kindness, so comparing that to a women preferring to have a female carry out their smear test is not relevant.

Well I think that's bollocks. They are all vetted. "As a class" - jesus!!

Would you refuse your child to have a male teacher then too?!!

There are also cruel and abusive women out there, you know!

I always take it as a positive and have found the male nursery staff (and infant school teachers) to generally be great.

It's fair enough to choose somewhere else for any reason you like if you're not happy. But once they have settled what will you do if the nursery then hires a male practitioner.

I think the only way to avoid that would be a female childminder but then there's the possibility of their husband/other family members being around which on balance is probably more of a risk.

I had my fanny spectated (and the rest) by male obstetricians in all three of my pregnancies.

I don't actually care. It's just a person doing a job. I don't regard them in any sexual way!

There are also cruel and abusive women out there, you know!

The vast majority of violent crime is committed by men, so that isn't much of a gotcha.

"Among known risk factors for being convicted of a violent crime, male sex is the most prominent; men commit about 90 % of violent crimes"
(from the ONS)

And what about the Male Doctors? The list is endless.
I know of males specialising in STI's - seeing both female & male patients - Male GP's performing assessments on patients - and our breast clinic is mostly male staff - performing the initial hands on consultations/pre assessments & performing the ultrasounds on breasts.

I know you don't mean to, but your post is sexism. Yes we all have preferences but being male does not mean that they don't want to specialise in early years or breast cancer. These are interests and jobs that can appeal everyone. We also have two male nursery staff and they are fantastic with them.

Why? A man wants to support women at their most vunerable, whilst doing a really important job bringing babies safely into the world, why is that so bizarre? I wish more men would be midwives, the male midwife I had was fantastic, the only one to properly listen to my concerns. And when my consultant was being an ass, he had no issues telling him this, he was a strong advocate for my and babies needs.

Do you think the same about men being gynaecologists? Or obstetricians? Or paediatricians?

I think the OP was only looking for validation and a "friend" with her opinion tbh!

I'm glad to read the majority on this thread also agree that it's a sexist and outdated view.
I teach both DS's that boys can play with dolls, can help with babies and that no job is just for girls!

YABVU. The male worker at our son's nursery was a big plus for us when we looked round as we think it's really important to for DS to see male role models in caring roles. He is now our son's key worker and DS loves him as he plays lots of fun games with the kids. Meanwhile the main lady leading the nursery is quite stern and none of us really like her. Being male does not make someone a p*dophle!

This may be skewed data. For example
-When a women rapes a man, this isn't actually a recordable crime in the UK.

• Much female on male domestic violence goes unreported due to stigma.

Men do commit more violent crimes, but it's not as clear cut as many may think

But WHY do you feel uneasy, with the personal care especially? And why are you not similarly uneasy at the thought of women changing nappies etc? It can only be the thought that there may be some sexual thoughts or touching involved — which suggests that in your mind there is a very strong link between being a man and being a paedophile. Unknown man = paedophile unless proved otherwise.

Anyway, just because they’re workers no there doesn’t mean they will change little girls’ nappies. My DH spent a lot of time working with children with physical disabilities. His size and physical strength made him very useful. But they always managed shifts so that he was not in a position in which he had to give personal care to the girls.

It’s good to have men around when helping to potty train little boys btw. Matters of aim etc are much better taught by people with experience of the same equipment.

WHY do you feel uneasy if you're alone on a railway platform with an unknown man and not if it's a woman?
Could it possibly be that men are more likely to hurt you?

It's luxury beliefs. Same as women who bend over to defend the right of biological men in women's changing rooms, spa's and toilets. It's like 'rape/molestation/CSA/domestic violence hasn't happened to me love, stop being hysterical' and 'My male doctor, midwife, carer is just so very ultra competent, much more so than the female counterpart I encountered' as if competency and sexual predation are somehow mutually exclusive.

To illustrate: Mr Huw Edwards, child porn enthusiast, was an accomplished, extremely competent newsreader. What the fuck did his competency at his job have to do with anything? With his secret proclivities? The OPs perspective isn't about professional competencies. It's about safeguarding and risk. So posters stop coming up with your stories about how brilliant your male nurse was. It nothing to do with mitigating risk of sexual predation.

@littleluncheon
In a professional setting I think it's different, for a start there is an element of trust right away. They are in a respectable position/job and have bothered their arses to get the qualifications necessary to get to where they wanted to be. This element of trust is absent when passing a male on the street or at night.

Sorry that is a stereo type based on traditional roles/values. its nature versus nurture .

Back in the mists of time women couldn’t vote as apparently we didn’t have the capacity to understand the issues at hand…. We all know we did but we never had an opportunity!

Back in the 70’s, my parents divorced. She had a good credit record, good deposit and good income but they would not allow her a mortgage in her own name, my Dad had to be guarantor! How times have changed!

Just because society believes something, doesn’t make it true, as history shows.