To ask for advice about work? Sick leave? I don’t know what to do

[MoralHighGroundGrandWizard]

Work is horrible. My manager is awful, bullying, aggressive. (She times lunch breaks of staff I manage, has stood over everyone shouting “I AM THE MANAGER OF THIS OFFICE YOU WILL DO AS I SAY”). I am the assistant manager. It is a high pressure job but not amazingly paid (NHS). I have been there 6 months. I found out the previous person in the job left because of the behaviour of the manager. She raised it with higher ups, it’s gone no where. I have raised the behaviour, nothing. I think my manager has actually put in a grievance against higher ups so they’re scared to go near her. It’s a nightmare. Of the 3 people who share an office with her, all of us are looking for other jobs.
I have got a secondment in the same position and same pay in another office just to get away (my predecessor also did a sideways move to get away in the same hospital). It is for a year. I got this a week ago and she has been even worse since I told her. she told me she no longer trusts me, is disappointed in me, and that I will start to see the “real” her. She has also told me I am no longer allowed to work remotely 1 day per week. I have raised this with HR and the higher manager who disagree with her but have told me I need to have that discussion with her.
I had today off annual leave and the dread and anxiety I have of returning to work tomorrow is crippling me right now. I am not sleeping well, because of thoughts of work and her behaviour and attitude. I just don’t know what to do. Everything is screaming at me to ring in sick, but also that might just make her behaviour worse.
does anyone have any advice? Walking away from her she follows you and shouts at you. Then you have to go back. I’ve raised it as high as I can, through every avenue I can (HR, management, Chief exec) and NOTHING happens.

Union?

Definitely ring in sick. For one thing she's causing you genuine stress.

Oh, another thing, she has also told me I am no longer “allowed” to escalate anything to higher up management, so any conversation I have with them makes me anxious she’s going to find out and make her behaviour even worse.
god this all sounds so ridiculous written out. I am in my mid-30s, not a teenager but this behaviour seems to have made me regress!

I am apart of a union, I do plan to talk to them. Everyone else in the office has, nothing has happened. They seem quite useless.

Have you raised a grievance?

I’m so scared of her behaviour after, and also if I was successful in getting a new permanent position I have to declare my sickness and I’m worried it would put other hiring managers off me. I’ve never been off extended sick (apart from pregnancy but that’s another story). I’m just so worried.

There should be a freedom to speak up guardian at the Trust...speak to them

Does your trust have a speak up guardian? If so contact them, also speak with HR and Occy health. This shouldn’t be allowed to continue!!

Not formally. It’s all been “chats”. I don’t know where to start as it’s just who she is as a person. Previous staff had “mediation” and she claimed it was “cultural differences” and it was left at that, so 2 people left and the only person who stayed at the time is now looking for another job too.

I have and others in the office did. They’ve escalated and nothing happened.

Thank you. The only of the above I’ve not spoken to is OH, I’ll see if I can get a referral.

When does your secondment start? Is it confirmed? If so, I would call in sick, go to your GP and get signed off as soon as you can.

What has HR said? I’m sure you know that she can’t tell you not to escalate things. It is in HR’s interests to sort this out because otherwise everyone will keep leaving like you do, and your predecessor too

I’m just waiting for a reference from her, then I give a 6-8 week notice (I have spoken to new manager, she is aware of the issues and she is doing everything she can to push this forward), but the service I’m working for is “failing” and without bragging, I have turned a lot around in the short time I’ve been there so I think they will try and keep me in there as long as possible as it will start failing again when I leave.

There's a lot of this in the NHS, unfortunately. At least 2 of the managers at my workplace are known for being bullies. Lots of people have complained and nothing happens, so no one bothers anymore and we just have to live with it. As if the department wasn't stressful and pressured enough without adding extra stress of rude, childish managers 🤬

The NHS seems so bad for it! It’s so so frustrating. I have worked for the NHS for 10 years, working my way up. Seeing people like her above me just makes me feel like I’ve wasted my career as it’s just a joke these people fail upwards. I’ve encountered it before; all staff put in a grievance and he was just side moved! The investigator said he shouldn’t lose his pension because we “didn’t get on”! The man said in a meeting of 30 admin staff that I had gained weight and needed to consider what I was wearing to work!! Somehow this new managers behaviour is worse.

I think you need to speak to occupational health and your union. Your manager is a bully and is bullying you out of your job. She has done it before and is doing it again. Go back to Freedom to speak up Guardian. As many times as it takes. The more people complain the more they can't just let it go.

Write down every negative encounter you have with her. Get as much of it in written form too. So send her an email repeating back what she has said. Any meetings you have with her bring in someone from another team and tell them why you feel you need to.

But yes, I think I would be going off sick and citing her behaviour as the reason.

You can't just call in sick, no wonder so many companies don't offer sick pay anymore

You need to go in there and stick up for yourself

I do. It makes the behaviour worse. I call her out on the behaviour, tell her I disagree with the way she treats staff, it doesn’t stop.

In fact another colleague has told me she thinks this is why she doesn’t like me. Because I’m not a “yes man” and I challenge her. But it is an awful way to have to be at work. I’m constantly on edge, not enjoying evenings and weekends because I’m just anxious about going back to the office and being in that environment.

The NHS is so toxic!!!! I put in a grievance against my old manager and I'm still on the same team but managed separately now.

I have never worked for an organisation where the culture of " I'm a higher grade than you so I can treat you how I like" is totally the norm.

I remember a matron walking through the infectious part of the ward with no mask etc once and coming into the main ward via the back doors for the infectious patients only. When a member of staff reminded her she should've come round the front ( her office is next to the back doors so it was a matter of laziness than emergency) she replied " I make the rules they're I can break them"

She can go off sick but maybe not while waiting for the reference. I don't know if you have ever worked for someone like this? I have and it's a nightmare!

@MoralHighGroundGrandWizard you could submit a formal Dignity at Work complaint against her, and ask to be moved whilst it's investigated?

Next time she raises her voice or starts shouting get your phone out and start recording her. Be very open about it.

Jane I am recording this as your behaviour is inappropriate.

i bet she will stop immediately. If not you have evidence. Keep every shitty email. Record her every single time and keep a diary. Make a formal grievance and reference the chats you have had with senior managers.

be off sick if needed and cite workplace stress as the reason. If she contacts you when you are off again record it.

if you ultimately have to leave you have evidence for constructive dismissal. Play hard with senior managers

It is absolutely awful. This manager has a similar attitude towards hierarchy and basically thinks she can do what she wants. To make it worse, she is shockingly bad at her job. She doesn’t know anything, constantly asks the most basic questions. Let’s me do everything. Didn’t train me at all. But takes all the credit for all the improvements that started just after I started the job!!

You've gone to the chief exec before the union, in the NHS???

Why would you give 6-8 weeks notice? Will it not be 4 weeks? That would be easier to cope with. Or are you a band 7 where it's 12 weeks?