Skincare, mobile phones too young for 9 year old?

[Black101]

My daughter has over night made new friends at school and is demanding every skincare going because her friends have all the big names, drunk elephant etc and anti ageing, retinol you name it these kids have it all. Apparently if they throw tantrums they get what they want. They also all have mobile phones according to my child which after having teenage daughters myself now grown up I have said no to after seeing the mental health problems they had from social media and watching swiped I am definitely not agreeing to a smart phone at this age. Is anyone else dealing with this on a daily basis? No negativity I’m just a mum doing her best trying to explain why some skincare brands really are not good for a nine year olds skin. Just to add I won’t be buying it just need some new ways to explain she won’t be getting it.

wtf does a 9 yr old need anti aging cream for 😅

hahaha that's nice dear, what do you want for tea?

Ignore.

Exactly this.

Those kinds of skin care are damaging to young skin. Please do not 'cave' because someone else has. Google the products they are not for children.

Yes, it does happen. But in my experience, it doesn’t happen with the children who are being properly parented. The only 9 year olds like this in my dd’s school were the ones with tricky home lives who had inappropriate access to the internet. Just say no and try to swerve to new friends.

We’ve had mobile phone conversations- I spoke to the parents the children either didn’t have mobile phones or had parents old phones that they could use to text or ring grandparents and parents only.
DD is allowed make up (children’s make up) and can use it in the house, or occasions such as Halloween (cat whiskers). She’s played/experimented with my make up in the house, then it’s bath/shower time.

Retinol- forget it. No chance, they’ll ruin their skin. If the kids are using it you can bet they’re stealing it and mum has no idea…. I might have to mention it at the school gates.

I would refuse to bow to this.

My youngest daughter is 10 and doesn't have a smartphone, Tik Tok or any social media. Contrary to popular belief (on MN at any rate) this hasn't hindered her social life, on any given day she either has a classmate here, is at one of their homes or is out playing.

She's allowed some time playing online games with people she knows in real life only.

The only girls I see wanting this stuff are the ones who have access to social media and get swept up in trends.

There is absolutely no reason any child needs expensive skin care products outside of those who might need specific products for skin conditions.

From experience I fully agree about social media and trends being the influence. I’m actually so sad this skincare is such a thing for a child of 9 who she be having fun playing

DS2 has once or twice told me that apparently almost every other ten year old in the world has a phone, and I've reminded him that (1) I, too, was once a 10 year old and that line didn't work on my parents, and (2) how it was a strange coincidence that all the other poor unfortunate tiny minority of deprived children without a phone were apparently all at his school. There's no chance at all he'll have unsupervised access to the internet until he's a LOT older than he is now.
I don't have daughters, but the skincare thing is ridiculous.

We have held off until birthday of year 6 to get a mobile, which seems to be quite common although it seems lots of the kids have had them for several years. I won't be allowing certain apps, which he'll be fine about now but no idea how long it'll take in secondary school before he starts asking for them and we face that particular battle.

Disclaimer I know nothing about skincare but I quite like Caroline Hiron's approach from the snippets Ive seen. Very no-nonsense about expensive products but encourages engagement with the principle when kids show an interest. i.e. when you do wash your face (with water), don't do it in hot shower water. And the importance of SPF from a young age. A 'skincare routine' can be as simple as that and thats actually not a bad thing. Not suggesting as young as 9...just thought would raise as interest for those with young teenagers who may read this.

It’s actually absurd.
A 9 year old with anti age cream?

Lipsyl for chapped lips and hand cream is ok at that age.
Anything else is not needed

At 9 I was making show jumps in the garden and playing horses!
Childhood is so short these days.

Very sad.

@Black101 it makes me really sad to see how many posts on MN in the run up to Christmas were discussing wether or not their DDs at 9/10 were too old for toys/dolls/character toys etc.

When did we decide as a society that 9 years old is the age to move on from childish pursuits?

My own DD has never played with dolls as they've never interested her, but she's still very firmly in the "toys" age bracket at 10.

The police were called to their school in September over a group chat on Snapchat in their year group. One of the girls had added a man who lived approx 30 mins away and was sending explicit messages and photos to the girls. There was a massive investigation. I've never been more sure of my decision not to allow her a smartphone than I was when the school contacted me.

Don’t cave OP. Read what the sensible ladies on here are saying.

It's actually dangerous for kids to use some skincare chemicals on such immature skin, it could cause irreparable damage. To give certain skincare products so children so young is just irresponsible parenting. As for mobile phones, I think that's just down to the Individual parents decision but there needs to be strict parenting controls on devices.

I don't think it needs any explanation other than 'because I said so'.

My daughter is 10 and was asking about the skincare, some of her school mates have it, etc. First of all I explained that it's actually not good for her skin. I explained that it's skincare companies exploiting young people, that I don't spend that much on my skincare! I showed her what she could buy (simple, cerave etc). And also explained that if she's getting designer skincare at 10, nothing will be special as she gets older. What she does love is all the cheap lip glosses etc. that you can get in Penneys/Primark. So I let her spend money on that - it's cheaper and still in the realm of experimenting/dressing up, so feels more age appropriate.

Kids using retinol?

I call bullshit.

What you could do is tell your daughter that the best things she can do for her skin at her age are to drink lots of water, get plenty of sleep, eat healthily and wear sunscreen.

Anything else is throwing money down the toilet.

I'm afraid this is a tale as old as time, whatever the 'must-have' item is changes over time but I bet there were 9 year olds running back from the forum in 0AD going 'muummmm pleeeease can I have my own chariot and horses, Remus and Legalus do, their mums get them whatever they ask for, I neeeed it, everyone else has one, you're so mean, my life is ruined' and so on. As it goes the current skincare trend is probably pretty harmless, yes of course a 9 year old doesn't need anti aging products but if slathering expensive goop on themselves makes them feel grown up or cool so be it. I'd take what your DD says about her friends getting whatever they ask for if they just have a tantrum with a pinch of salt too, not saying she's lying but there's probably quite a lot of exaggeration and misunderstanding going on on all sides. We've just had Christmas so I bet her friends are all showing off about their hauls and trying to one-up each other - I'd say to her that of course she can save up her pocket money /chore money/ Christmas money to buy some skincare if she still wants it, or ask for it for her next birthday instead of a toy or game or whatever, but they'll probably have moved on to the next 'thing' by then anyway. The smartphone you are right to put your foot down about but again I do doubt that 'all' her friends have their own fully equipped smartphones at 9, maybe the odd one does but I bet many more have dumb phones or very supervised access to a locked down phone to play games on or something so you could consider these options?

Just because other parents are idiots, doesn't mean you need to be too.

This is pretty much exactly what I used to say to my daughters when I had variations on this theme. Hold the line OP!

Treat her like a grown up. Tell her this is all about big companies making money out of children. They don't care about her young skin. Ask her to research the ingredients in the products.

Stay firm on no social media. Especially TikTok. I held out tilll age 14 and still regret it.

My eldest is 11 with no mobile - she has actually said it’s fine not to have one and she’s happy to wait until 13-14

I get the sense that there is a mire of bullying and crap social interaction she already sees and would just prefer to blame me for not being able to participate in it … which is fine tbh

Similar to PP we have lip glosses galore and sunscreen as the “makeup” options available

I would say "that's nice, ask me again in a few years" and move on.
If she wants skincare, simple moisturiser and maybe a very sensitive daily face wash would do the trick.
If she wants it more fancy, there are reusable containers available that have the same dispensers as the drunk elephant creams etc (the push top dispenser ones) .. just stick it in there.
But that's a last resort really

Well done for standing your ground on this, OP!

Re skincare, young girls are STILL absorbing the godawful message that looking young and pretty is paramount. It's very, very depressing.

"The rest is entertainment" podcast with Marina Hynde and Richard Osman had a section on skincare for children on recently as its become such a (ridiculous) phenomenon. It's an epidemic tbh.

The phones thing - there will always be kids with phones at a too young age. Stand firm. Pick an age that you are comfortable compromising on, remind her of it whenever she asks, and in the meantime, watch "Swiped" - two part doc on Channel4 looking at phone use in children.