Am I being overdramatic?

[Hattythehamster]

My husband picked up my son (3) from pre school and was asked to sign an accident form as him and another boy got into an argument over a toy and my son got scratched on his back. They described them as ‘a few little scratches’ and made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal. My husband didn’t check his back at the time and signed the form and came home. When he told me I checked my sons back and I was shocked. To me these are not a few little scratches. I’m really angry and not sure what to do, feel like I need to bring it up with the nursery, but unsure what they can even do. Just want to sense check that I’m not being over dramatic?

Hopefully, if the little boy has additional needs, they'll put an educational plan in place and he'll have access to support. I do hope they just don't wash their hands of him.
It's great that they are taking this seriously.

They wouldn't suggest antibiotics. They'd suggest wiping them over with an antiseptic wipe, at most. He's been scratched by another kid, not savaged by a carrion-eating hyaena.

Police ??

Policy! Sorry :)

That looks sore

How was pick up @Hattythehamster

Ok as in they apologised again and said they were really shocked by the injuries, also very unhappy about the way it was dealt with. They said that we should have been rung when it happened and then shown the injuries when we collected him. The members of staff who dealt with it wasn’t in today so they haven’t been able to investigate why it happened but they are going to and let me know. However, bit frustrating as I asked what was going to be done to ensure it doesn’t happen again and there wasn’t much of a response. Without confirming when I asked if it was the same boy who had hurt my son and others before, I was told that the boy who did it already has a pretty much one to one staff member that the nursery is paying for out of their own pocket to try and stop incidents like this, this time it didn’t work but it has in the past. From their point of view there isn’t really more that they can do, which I understand but it’s frustrating. Feel like I’m just waiting for the next incident.
I asked them to tell the parents to cut his nails and make sure they understood that it wasn’t just a scratch, but a serious injury and said they had my permission to show them the photo, but I don’t think they will. I’m not sure what else I can do now, feel like I have to just accept it, which I’m not happy with.

That's bad. Needs tetanus.

Ch have had tetanus jabs already.

If the child in question genuinely has 121 care how in gods earth did this happen in the first place?

I am not surprised you are underwhelmed. They have no safe guarding plan in place at all, and seemingly no idea how to manage this child. Your poor son has been badly let down - and is no safer now.

Oh your poor little boy. It’s a good job the manager is taking it seriously. Not so good that the staff waved it off initially. I would get in some germalene. We use it on a lot of wounds and it does the job. A little goes a long way

Apologies if completely wrong, are you sure it is a child that has done this?

@Hattythehamster I wouldn't be happy with that.

There are a few issues

The misreporting
The lack of action
The lack of accountability

None of us are stupid, that wasn't a single scratch, done quickly.

There are clearly serious problems here.

I work in a playgroup and nursery ad hoc. Kids lash out. It happens. But once and removed. Parents informed. Process as many others have said.

If the child needs additional support that's absolutely fine, but not to your child's detriment. One on one. Constant supervision.

My biggest worry here, again as others have said is that looks much more like a prolonged incident. Not just a one off.

@Hattythehamster What was it done with, a broken bottle? That seems very violent scratches from another child. They have a duty of care to protect your son from attacks by other children.

I wouldn't be happy with that as the parent and if I was the manager I'd be asking the 1-2-1 how the fuck that happened. If you're shadowing you're close because you need to be able to act quickly if they lash out. They might not be able to stop a single quick hit, but this took time and force. Either the 1-2-1 doesn't know how to shadow properly or they weren't there. I'd want the manager to speak to the staff and review what they have in place and make necessary adjustments to those procedures so it doesn't happen again.

They can also have the 1-2-1 observing behaviour to see if they can find triggers for the behaviour so they can minimise the triggers. The best option is to redirect the behaviour before it reaches crisis point and this is part of what a 1-2-1should be doing, observing for early signs and acting if they see them. Things like changing activity, moving other children away (not in an obvious way), moving the child to a quieter calmer place to help with regulation, giving warnings well before changing activities, there's no guarantees they'd work and it is hard at this age, but there are more things then shadowing they can and should be doing.

Doing these things is what's best for the child who's lashing out too, the internal processes that lead to the lashing out are very distressing and they're better off not feeling like that. Some of this of course they can't tell you about as it's about the other child, but I would be saying that I want their procedures reviewed and them to see if the people shadowing him need more training around this. If they have someone without additional training doing this they might not know how to effectively shadow.

I wondered this and said in my post, I'd be measuring cos doesn't look like child marks to me! Could be the way they seem on camera.

I'd not be pleased with nursery's response and wanting a meeting with the parent of alleged child!

I’d be fuming and whilst it’s not your son who should be excluded, I would be letting them know that you’re looking for other settings and you aren’t happy at all. I’d actively ask why they’re not removing the child from the preschool if the violence can’t be stopped. What do their policies say. Kick up a stink, kids can’t be expected to put up with that!

What extra training has the staff member going to get? Calling these minor scratches is ridiculous. Sounds like the were hoping to get away lightly as someone wasn’t watching the other child like they should be.

The other child is going to get on better if he is allowed to stay in his childcare setting and better actions are put in place to help him, rather than excluding him and making him even more unsettled, potentially setting him up for a pattern of being excluded from education.

2 years old is still an incredibly young child and I think nursery settings can feel horribly overstimulating to some little ones. They should be suggesting to his parents that they look at other childcare options that might suit him better. It's not fair on him or the targets of his frustration to leave him in an environment that he just can't cope with.

While this is certainly true OP needs to prioritise HER child. It would be great if a solution was found that kept ALL children safe and in an environment where they can flourish but a child who is potentially dangerous would cause me concern.

That is how I feel. It’s horrible for the child and his parents, however I need to safeguard my child in the best possible way. The nurseries focus seems to be on the other child and what is best for him. It’s not fair on my son or the other children. I think I may have to look at other pre schools, I don’t want to be here again in a few weeks/months time and be angry at myself for not doing something about it earlier. I thought the nursery might have a line where they think right we need to look at what is best for all the children and the setting might not be best for this boy, but they don’t seem to think like that and other parents just have to wait for it to happen again and keep accepting it.

This would never have happened if the 1:1 had been there. My DD had a 1:1 and she was prone to lashing out. During her time at School, she never hurt another child as she had the correct plan in place and support. I was lucky as I know a lot of parents have to fight for this, meanwhile, everyone suffers.

It is a really difficult situation but they need to give you reassurance that it won’t happen again and if they can’t, it’s understandable you’re nervous. The only thing I would say though is you can guarantee there wouldn’t be similar risks at other nurseries. SEN provision seems so woeful everywhere right now that it seems there are more and more children in settings that aren’t right for them which is terrible for those children but also can be pretty awful for those who end up as collateral damage.

Yes this