Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let out spare bedroom to DH's friend or not?

107 replies

LilExhausted · 06/01/2025 17:22

One of my DH's friend has moved to our city and looking for a short term rental for 4-5 months. We have a 4 bed house and 2 young DC- a toddler and a newborn. I am on mat leave which is generous. We are not in any need of extra cash but I feel tempted to suggest to DH to let out to his friend.
But, I am concerned that his friend may think it's not good that we are asking him to pay for rent for the room, I am not sure, just guessing. Also, I don't know how the grocery costs etc will work. We are in midlands and around my area, spare rooms are around 550-600.
My husband has known him for over 10 years, but I have only known him couple of months. My DS gets on well with him. I also feel uncomfortable breastfeeding around other people than just my family and I am also worried that I might feel like I can't move freely in my own house if he is sitting in lounge watching TV etc with my husband or toddler.
Can anyone please suggest if it's even worth letting out for getting extra £600 and some help with childcare as having an extra adult around the house helps but at the same time I will be stuck in a bedroom feeding baby as I definitely won't feel comfortable breastfeeding around him and won't be able to spend more time in evenings with my toddler.

OP posts:
Alittlebitfluffy · 06/01/2025 20:45

name1234noidea · 06/01/2025 17:35

£600 a month to rent a room with a baby and toddler in the house, and expected to help with childcare! Stuff that!

Inclined to agree sorry. Doesn't sound much of a deal to the poor guy! Also doesn't sound like it works for you either so struggling to see the positives either side?

Itsallgonesideways · 06/01/2025 20:46

a) would he want to rent a room from you knowing that there's strings attached re childcare? I certainly wouldn't under the circumstances you've described.

b) is there anything you're not telling us op? Why are you so determined to renting a room out to this man?

tweedledee12 · 06/01/2025 20:50

Why the hell would you be happy to leave your children - the most precious things in the world - with a man you barely know?

Yes he has already offered to look after your son - I would be extremely cautious, and not be allowing anybody access to my children that I did not know well, and completely trust,

I can count on one hand who I trust to look after my children!

KilkennyCats · 06/01/2025 20:52

You really think he’s going to help with childcare? Confused
Doesn’t he work? I can’t see him rushing to sign up to this, tbh.
What’s in it for him?

Alittlebitfluffy · 06/01/2025 20:54

LilExhausted · 06/01/2025 19:19

I think it's won't be worth for what it's worth.
I only mentioned childcare as he gets on well with my DS and he himself offered to look after kids if we need.
Also, £600 would be including rent, grocery, energy and water bills etc considering the CoL crisis, it's fair.

Edited

You said above that you didn't know what to do about groceries not that they were included.

No I don't think it's fair or of any benefit to charge the same as anywhere else would to rent to a friend.

Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead · 06/01/2025 20:58

My DH's maye split up with his wife and moved in with us for about 6 months. He was a model house guest - only time it got weird was if my dh worked late so me and his mate had dinner together with my dd - not sure l would rush to do it again because l like my space but he needed a room and it was nice to be able to help him.

Joystir59 · 06/01/2025 20:58

endsnewyearsday · 06/01/2025 17:28

I can't think of anything worse than having another bloke in the house tbh. The fact that you have such young children and hardly know him would make it a hard no from me.

Things that would worry me:

Would he get too settled and not leave when you expect/want him to?

Would your DH and him "pair up" and leave you feeling like a gooseberry in your own home while they watch sport/drink/go to the pub/play golf?

Would he bring women back?

Would he stay out late and come in noisily waking the dc?

Would he create more mess/laundry and expect you to be his housekeeper?

The list goes on. Too many risks considering you don't need the money.

Would he be trustworthy around your children?

Joystir59 · 06/01/2025 20:59

tweedledee12 · 06/01/2025 20:50

Why the hell would you be happy to leave your children - the most precious things in the world - with a man you barely know?

Yes he has already offered to look after your son - I would be extremely cautious, and not be allowing anybody access to my children that I did not know well, and completely trust,

I can count on one hand who I trust to look after my children!

Absolutely agree with this.

Mockingjay876 · 06/01/2025 21:01

I don’t really think there are any positives to this - for you/ dh, your very young children or your dh’s friend.

MichaelandKirk · 06/01/2025 21:02

Bring his own family over from where?

UnNiddeRides · 06/01/2025 21:03

From your original post it seems like this is entirely your idea. You’re thinking of suggesting it to your husband?
I can’t see why you’re even considering this…

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 06/01/2025 21:04

LilExhausted · 06/01/2025 17:38

I don't need childcare really

But you can’t expect childcare from a lodger anyway.

JustCrow · 06/01/2025 21:06

Short answer - no.

Long answer - noooooooooooooooooooooooo.

KilkennyCats · 06/01/2025 21:17

LilExhausted · 06/01/2025 17:31

@endsnewyearsday I appreciate this perspective. He is married and has a family but he will look for a house on rent in 4 months time to bring them over. My worry would be if he might think of bringing family with him too in our spare room.

Show quote history

Where are his family now, op? Hmm
Why will he wait 4 or 5 months before having them join him (from God knows where)
Such a strange tale.

rwalker · 06/01/2025 22:23

It would be my idea of hell if I was DH’s friend

nobody gets a good deal in this setup

Puddleclucks · 06/01/2025 22:26

From his perspective why would he want to? I'd pay the money not to stay in a house with small kids, having escaped my own.

catphone · 06/01/2025 22:33

If the friend is female then no

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 06/01/2025 22:59

I couldn't think of anything worse than having anyone extra in the house while I was on maternity leave. Why would you do it if you don't need the money? My maternity leave was such a precious time I wouldn't want anyone or anything to spoil it.

SheridansPortSalut · 06/01/2025 23:07

This has disaster written all over it.

mezlou84 · 10/01/2025 08:25

It isn't in the best interests of anyone. Charging full rent is good for you bad for him.
He would be feeling uncomfortable as much as you would be with 2 very young kids, someone he hardly knows and not being able to be himself. He may even feel like he has to say yes because it's his mate and his family he would be helping with the extra cash. Feeling like he can't come and go as he pleases because he won't want to disturb you and the kids and will even feel tied to his bedroom.
He could rent somewhere at full rent and be his own person. Go and do as he pleases.
It's a bad idea all round and can see it causing tension and bad feelings between you and hubby as he'll be in the middle of it all. Bad feelings between hubby and his friend and bad feelings between you and his friends. Anything that annoys you will build up and you'll tell hubby who will feel obligated to air it to his friend, then his friend will have his version and then hubby will be torn. Nope don't do it.

OnyourbarksGSG · 10/01/2025 08:32

This is a disaster waiting to happen. You don’t need the money but want to charge market rate. Market rate AND you want him to take turns cooking for you, DH, your kids and himself ( instead of just himself) and you want help with childcare BUT don’t want to sit in your room all the time ( so I imagine he would be sent to his room). And so it’s the same money but more work and less privacy for him AND your DH and him will inevitably end up reverting to the age they met and you will be a gooseberry.

plus, just to add it in there. My dads best friend/ my sisters godfather, sexually abused me and repeatedly raped me when he was staying with us. He was also convicted of raping his step daughter daily for over a decade between age 7-17. You can never ever ever truly know another person. And you certainly don’t know this person even if your DH does.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/01/2025 08:36

If he wanted or needed to do this he definitely would have asked

NewMrsF · 10/01/2025 08:45

Hi wouldn’t want to rent a room in a house with a baby and all that that brings (noise during the night, smell & mess that naturally happens).
and why would you expect someone renting a room to help with child care? That’s just bonkers, friend or not

BrickSnail · 10/01/2025 09:27

Absolutely not, and if he has a family of his own then I can't imagine he is up for this idea either. If I was him I'd be relishing the chance for some quiet alone time!

MrsRaspberry · 10/01/2025 09:39

I wouldn't. You've already pointed out the negatives of him living under your roof in your original post. Plus I can't see him wanting to cough up £600 a month to live in a house with a family with little kids. You don't know his daily habits. He could be hugely annoying to live with and you'd end up regretting inviting him into your home. I see he also has a family of his own he definitely needs to find his own place sooner rather than later. Offering him a place to stay may make it too easy for him to not bother looking and you could end up with him staying a lot longer than originally agreed

Swipe left for the next trending thread