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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let out spare bedroom to DH's friend or not?

107 replies

LilExhausted · 06/01/2025 17:22

One of my DH's friend has moved to our city and looking for a short term rental for 4-5 months. We have a 4 bed house and 2 young DC- a toddler and a newborn. I am on mat leave which is generous. We are not in any need of extra cash but I feel tempted to suggest to DH to let out to his friend.
But, I am concerned that his friend may think it's not good that we are asking him to pay for rent for the room, I am not sure, just guessing. Also, I don't know how the grocery costs etc will work. We are in midlands and around my area, spare rooms are around 550-600.
My husband has known him for over 10 years, but I have only known him couple of months. My DS gets on well with him. I also feel uncomfortable breastfeeding around other people than just my family and I am also worried that I might feel like I can't move freely in my own house if he is sitting in lounge watching TV etc with my husband or toddler.
Can anyone please suggest if it's even worth letting out for getting extra £600 and some help with childcare as having an extra adult around the house helps but at the same time I will be stuck in a bedroom feeding baby as I definitely won't feel comfortable breastfeeding around him and won't be able to spend more time in evenings with my toddler.

OP posts:
InTheRainOnATrain · 06/01/2025 17:59

DH’s beat friend lived with us for 2 months. But pre-kids, he had a very intense job so barely saw him, DH had actually shared a bedroom with him at school so was confident he was housetrained and we knew it was definitely temporary because he’d signed a lease to start in 8 weeks. All fine! But a scenario where you’d be sat in your bedroom feeding the baby whilst he was sat with his feet up in your lounge, absolutely not. You’ll eventually end up resenting him for feeling uncomfortable in your own home and it’ll likely lead to tension and a fall out. For the sake of the friendship don’t do it. Also, he’ll surely be way happier in a flat share where crying babies don’t wake him up?

devilspawn · 06/01/2025 18:00

No absolutely not.

I rent a room to people but I wouldn't do it if I had young children.

Plus you have to be prepared for a lot to go wrong, it's hard living with people.

CarolinaWren · 06/01/2025 18:02

If you do it, you will undoubtedly be back here in a few weeks to complain about the horrible man who is living in your home and how you never expected him to be such a problem.

HappyMamma2023 · 06/01/2025 18:02

No no no! We did the same thing for my BIL. Supposed to be a short term 2 months, ended up being almost 2 years because husband felt sorry for him. Things went missing out the fridge he didnt own up to and he brought women back which was embarrasing bumping into them outside the bathroom in the morning. Do you want a man you yourself have only known a few months living with your baby and child? If you do make sure to draw up a contract. Take care.

Lindy2 · 06/01/2025 18:04

We had a friend stay as a lodger for a few months. It was OK but I think everyone was ready for him to move to his own place when the time came.

We didn't have children then and everyone was out at work during the week.

Will he be out during the day? I think if he's there during the day while you're at home on ML it might be a bit claustrophobic. However, if he's good at helping with baby and your toddler he might be really good to have around. You won't be BFing all the time.

We charged a below market rate but added a bit for food. He ate with us because it would have been frustrating for me if he was using the kitchen when I wanted to be preparing food.

SnackQueen · 06/01/2025 18:04

Hell no.

AngelinaFibres · 06/01/2025 18:05

My DIL had a female friend who had been her best friend since first day of school ( both mid 20s by the time of the visit) DIL is American but living in the UK. The friend flew over to stay for a few weeks. The person DIL found herself actually living with was very different from the friend she was expecting. She rarely showered ( admitted that ex boyfriends flatmates had spoken to him about how badly she smelt). She made food at random times and failed to clear up. She rarely washed her clothes or bedding and , when she did it was left hanging all over the small flat for days. She didn't want to work, expected lifts everywhere , never bought food and was late paying her share of the utility bills ( the only contribution they asked her to make). She ended up staying for 6 months. The friendship was destroyed. Don't do it Op. If you don't need the money DO NOT DO IT.

diddl · 06/01/2025 18:05

some help with childcare as having an extra adult around the house helps

Why would he be doing childcare as a paying lodger?

CoastalCalm · 06/01/2025 18:06

I’d consider it for weekdays only but not on a full time basis

peachystormy · 06/01/2025 18:10

what do you mean help with childcare? you don't even know him that well. Ok your DH does but do you really think the guy is going to want to 'chip in'

Cocolapew · 06/01/2025 18:11

diddl · 06/01/2025 18:05

some help with childcare as having an extra adult around the house helps

Why would he be doing childcare as a paying lodger?

This. Why on earth would he do childcare for you?

DDivaStar · 06/01/2025 18:12

If you don't need the money absolutely not.

Your maternity leave should be spent enjoining your baby. I couldn't imagine the stress of having a male you dont know well in your house at such an important time.

If things don't pan out as expected with his behaviour, length of stay or him bringing his family it could be really awkward for your husband to address.

MumonabikeE5 · 06/01/2025 18:12

I’d consider a Monday to Friday lodger, but frankly I wouldn’t have a friend of my husbands move in.

MyBirthdayMonth · 06/01/2025 18:14

Why do you assume he will want to do child care? Most men are not keen on looking after kids unless it's their own, and sometimes not even then.

Nosferfartu · 06/01/2025 18:14

There are lots of threads like this, it always goes tits up and the friends end up never speaking again.

Toomanyemails · 06/01/2025 18:16

I'd only do it if you're offering less than market rate (no more than £400 from what you've said) and don't expect any free childcare, just equal share of the housework. I'd do this for a good friend of mine or DP's and would trust my partner's judgment on which of his friends we'd have a good housemate relationship with. But I'd only do it if I thought we'd all enjoy living together.

CarolinaWren · 06/01/2025 18:16

AngelinaFibres · 06/01/2025 18:05

My DIL had a female friend who had been her best friend since first day of school ( both mid 20s by the time of the visit) DIL is American but living in the UK. The friend flew over to stay for a few weeks. The person DIL found herself actually living with was very different from the friend she was expecting. She rarely showered ( admitted that ex boyfriends flatmates had spoken to him about how badly she smelt). She made food at random times and failed to clear up. She rarely washed her clothes or bedding and , when she did it was left hanging all over the small flat for days. She didn't want to work, expected lifts everywhere , never bought food and was late paying her share of the utility bills ( the only contribution they asked her to make). She ended up staying for 6 months. The friendship was destroyed. Don't do it Op. If you don't need the money DO NOT DO IT.

I had a friendship end when I allowed a former work colleague to stay at my place for a week. She initially told me that she only needed somewhere to sleep, as she had multiple friends in my city and she would be out with them most of the time. Either she lied about having friends or they were completely avoiding her because she was at my place 24/7, expecting me to arrange entertainment and drive her, eating all my food, making a huge mess and smoking inside after I explicitly told her it wasn't allowed. She actually demanded I drive her to a tourist spot 2 hours away before I left for work in the morning, then whined and pouted when I told her she'd need to take a cab or bus. I dropped her off at the airport, then blocked her number.

AngelinaFibres · 06/01/2025 18:17

Separate annex with own front door, bathroom and kitchen ( that he cleans). No access to the family home without prior discussion. Proper rent/ contract etc . If this was the situation I'd absolutely consider it. In the same house as you and 2 small children. Never, ever, ever. Asking a man ( or woman) you know very little about, to do any form of childcare whatsoever. Not a cat in hells chance.

lorrainelorraine · 06/01/2025 18:24

I asked my DHs best mate to move in a couple of weeks before lockdown when he fled from his abusive ex. Charged him a third of all bills which was about £350 a month plus food (maybe £100?). We had a cleaner every week, did our own laundry, took turns to cook and each had our own bathrooms. For the most part I so enjoyed it! He bought his own place after 18 months or so as he wouldn’t have been able to save renting, and helped him loads with the process & getting another job so he was happy. Had a couple instances of him being loud bringing people back but a few expletives shouted down the hall sorted it out haha. Sometimes him & DH paired up against me, sometimes me & him did and sometimes DH and I did against him haha! All in all it was great, would recommend & he basically paid for our wedding! DH wouldn’t recommend though haha.

Lodger income is mainly tax free, we updated the home insurance & mortgage and didn’t have to pay anything extra to do that. My biggest caveat is that none of us had kids!

Daleksatemyshed · 06/01/2025 18:33

If he's a stranger to you Op then don't do it. He may be lovely but your DH's men friends won't automatically be like him, your DH might like him and you might find him lazy /overbearing /creepy. If you're at home with a small DC you don't want to end up trying to be out all day because you can't cope with his friend. If you knew him it would be different

wizzywig · 06/01/2025 18:34

You've jinxed this by posting on MN.

honeylulu · 06/01/2025 18:36

God no. Very high chance you will ruin your maternity leave and your husband will lose a friendship in one fell swoop. Familiarity breeds contempt ...

Original poster
LilExhausted · 06/01/2025 18:39

Thanks for the suggestions, I am dropping this idea.

OP posts:
MissDeborah · 06/01/2025 18:40

Good grief NO!
But also I think you are being very cheeky expecting someone renting from you to do Childcare !
It's a bizarre suggestion

Choccyscofffy · 06/01/2025 18:52

MissDeborah · 06/01/2025 18:40

Good grief NO!
But also I think you are being very cheeky expecting someone renting from you to do Childcare !
It's a bizarre suggestion

Strange how on the thread where the OP was renting a room from her sister, lots of posters were telling her that it’s only right she regularly babysits the kids.