Page 15 | To say 50/50 isn't ideal for many children?

cadburyegg · 2025-01-06T11:32:16+00:00

50/50 seems to be thought of as the best way to share children after a split but AIBU to think that this isn't always best for the children involved? My children are with me approx 80% of the time and they love being "at home". They don't talk about their dads being another home, even though I do. I know they would hate having to move around every week and never having one base, they find it hard enough EOW. So AIBU? Or if you have 50/50 are the kids happy with it?

MrsSunshine2b · 08/01/2025 17:25

Nogaxeh · 08/01/2025 16:43

Maybe it suggests that better outcomes for children and 50:50 arrangements are both the result of a common cause?

Where you have parents who are more generally reasonable and interested in their children then you are more likely to have better outcomes for the children for that reason, and you're also more likely to have a 50:50 arrangement because neither parent wants to step away and both are willing to compromise.

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The studies done in those countries have found that children in a 50/50 arrangement do better than children in 20/80 arrangements, despite living in the same country.

I find it hard to believe that 50/50 is correlated with greater wealth. 50/50 is probably the least convenient option when determining work patterns.

Ponkeypink · 08/01/2025 18:37

Nogaxeh · 08/01/2025 16:43

Maybe it suggests that better outcomes for children and 50:50 arrangements are both the result of a common cause?

Where you have parents who are more generally reasonable and interested in their children then you are more likely to have better outcomes for the children for that reason, and you're also more likely to have a 50:50 arrangement because neither parent wants to step away and both are willing to compromise.

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I absolutely agree with this. To make it work takes discipline from each parent and to do 50:50 properly both parents have to be good parents individually and collectively for the sake of their child.

brummumma · 08/01/2025 20:07

Sounds like you’re punishing your DH because he left you. Can’t you see the negative consequences of your actions?

@Ponkeypink

No. He didn't leave me. He left us. He didn't have an affair. He said he didn't want family life. Big difference. He wants to be a dad only when it's convenient - and fun - and low responsibility. With none of the financial burden (let's be honest CMS isn't truly 50% of the cost of raising a child) or the grunt work like nappies and sleepless nights and relentlessness.

When he comes crawling back when he regrets what he walked away from (and when they are easier - not babies) don't expect I'll be there with welcoming arms saying oh please do have the children for 50% of their precious young lives.

Ponkeypink · 08/01/2025 20:13

brummumma · 08/01/2025 20:07

Sounds like you’re punishing your DH because he left you. Can’t you see the negative consequences of your actions?

@Ponkeypink

No. He didn't leave me. He left us. He didn't have an affair. He said he didn't want family life. Big difference. He wants to be a dad only when it's convenient - and fun - and low responsibility. With none of the financial burden (let's be honest CMS isn't truly 50% of the cost of raising a child) or the grunt work like nappies and sleepless nights and relentlessness.

When he comes crawling back when he regrets what he walked away from (and when they are easier - not babies) don't expect I'll be there with welcoming arms saying oh please do have the children for 50% of their precious young lives.

I agree he sounds like a shit dad who wouldn’t cope well with 50:50 tbf