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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner wants me to move

82 replies

Elyi · 05/01/2025 22:08

I’ve been seeing this guy for roughly a year. We have had quite a few trials and tribulations in that time. To cut a long story short, I was expecting but due to his insistence about it being to soon, I ended up terminating the pregnancy. Fast forward to now, he wants us to move in together but has told me it’s either near where his child (14) lives or we are over. I have a 12 year old of my own and this was never something he never said was set in stone. It’s not an area that’s particularly great. I’ve explained my concerns which have fallen on deaf ears. Part of the issue is he is estranged from his child despite a 50/50 court order. I’m not set against it, just that I’m not being heard at all, and instead being told his child is his number one priority and he will allocate time to other priorities thereafter….ie us. I also need to consider my child’s best interests. He also expects me to prioritise him and his child over my life and dreams etc. I did ask if I’m not his priority then how can he be expect me to make him his. I feel incredibly selfish. The thing is, there is no contact and he only lives 40 minutes away in an area I’d be happy to live. Apparently that isn’t suitable for him etc. I did suggest that he can’t go back to court to enforce contact and a breach of the order when he never turns up to enforce it or keep a diary of this. Also, he had managed to fit in time for a new relationship and act very footloose in the time I’ve known him. Again, he never responded to these points and deflected a lot. Most communication wasn’t compassionate but stark and full of ultimatums. Am I wrong to be feeling put out? I would love to meet his child and us all get along yet asking me to buy into a house with all the above and then scoffing at a commitment towards me such as marriage given the commitment I’d be making…it all feels off. Any advice would be welcomed and I don’t mind if it is that I’m the one at fault here. Thanks. :)

OP posts:
Mylovelygreendress · 05/01/2025 22:15

Why would you even consider moving in with this man ?? He sounds awful .

1987qwerty · 05/01/2025 22:16

He sounds lovely.....

Sasskitty · 05/01/2025 22:17

Mylovelygreendress · 05/01/2025 22:15

Why would you even consider moving in with this man ?? He sounds awful .

Agreed. Sounds like total loser, at best.

Bearbookagainandagain · 05/01/2025 22:17

My advice is to get as far away as you can from this guy...

MoveOnTheCards · 05/01/2025 22:17

What a prince 🤔 Run for the hills!

MrBirling · 05/01/2025 22:18

Why are you in a relationship with this man? Seriously get rid he's awful.

shellyleppard · 05/01/2025 22:19

Op it's all very one sided....for him. If he can't or won't compromise.....get rid.

SoloCat · 05/01/2025 22:20

Do not under any circumstances move in with this person…in fact, end it now!

Seaitoverthere · 05/01/2025 22:20

You have a child of your own who you need to prioritise and keep well away from this man.

Thestablelights · 05/01/2025 22:20

Run

Elyi · 05/01/2025 22:21

Thanks. I just wasn’t sure if it was me

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 05/01/2025 22:21

There are so many red flags in your post
he’s told you the pecking order, him, his child, then possibly you

uoj are being told to uproot your child to suit his, but he’s not fighting for that child is he? No going back to court to fight for the child

Leave

arethereanyleftatall · 05/01/2025 22:22

Oh for gods sake. Stop being so bloody stupid. He's utterly vile.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 05/01/2025 22:22

He sounds controlling and very much not husband material. I wouldn’t up sticks for this. Tell him it’s over.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 05/01/2025 22:22

Come on, you know the answer OP.

You need to finish with him for the sake of your child if you can't do it for your own sake.

Hankunamatata · 05/01/2025 22:24

He sounds a bit unhinged

Nantescalling · 05/01/2025 22:24

Are you talking about buying a house together or just renting?

OhCobblers · 05/01/2025 22:25

arethereanyleftatall · 05/01/2025 22:22

Oh for gods sake. Stop being so bloody stupid. He's utterly vile.

This.
Can't believe you would even entertain any of his crap for more than 5 seconds????

crumblingschools · 05/01/2025 22:26

You both need to prioritise your own DC. I would love to know what his good points are

littlemissprosseco · 05/01/2025 22:26

This is never going to work. It’s his way or no way…. Are you mad??

LegoTherapy · 05/01/2025 22:26

Good lord. Run now and run far. He's not a good dad, good partner, or good person. He's a dickweed.

Sparkyhasadram · 05/01/2025 22:27

You are mad. He sounds a prince amongst men!

Horses7 · 05/01/2025 22:27

Red flags alert

SpringIscomingalso · 05/01/2025 22:28

He is full of red flags
Next time you are married and you don't pay all your salary in his bank account, he will beat you up instead of ultimatums.

HPandthelastwish · 05/01/2025 22:28

His own child decides they don't want to see him.

The moment he gave me an ultimatum would be the moment I dumped him.

Thankfully you only invested a year into him, quite considerate of him to so clearly show what an arse hat he is so early on

"Hi Captain Arsehat, Unfortunately I won't be moving to X area. So we will have to call it a day. I'll be round on Wednesday evening to pick up my possessions and I've boxed all yours up all ready. A shame it didn't work out but I wish you all the best in your house move "

Pick things up on Wednesday and block him.